I'll sleep when I'm dead

Driving truck

2010-05-05T16:37:00.002-05:00

On any given day, the office I work at might get two to three vendors stopping in to drop off product orders and goods for our branch. The FedEx guy, the Alterra Coffee dude, the Otis Spunkmeyer cookie man. In the winter, Luis the rug guy even picks up the soiled carpets every other week.

All these people – 100 percent of which are men, from my sample size – drive around southeast Wisconsin delivering and distributing goods for their company. They all may work for large corporations, but they drive a truck for eight to 12 hours a day, most of which is windshield time by themselves. No wonder they can’t stop talking when they see another human being.

Today the Otis Spunkmeyer man, Donnie, stopped in. He dropped off the cookies, and started talking about his company and the changes since their merger with a company in Sweden, and how banks aren’t what they used to be, and how he tried to buy a Lexus, and when he owned his liquor store a few years ago … I got half this guy’s life story in our 10 minute conversation (or lecture? I didn’t do much talking).

I can appreciate what they do, but I’ll take a cubicle in an office over a truck, any day.

Milwaukee River Clean-up

2010-04-19T07:49:00.003-05:00

It seems my weekends have been filling up quickly now that summer's around the corner. I'm excited about being able to see everyone again, and get outside with the nicer weather.

This last Saturday, Gregor decided to sign us up to volunteer at the Milwaukee Riverkeeper river clean-up in MKE's Lincoln Park. Although the wind was a little chilly, the sun was shining as we pulled into the parking lot around 9 AM. About two dozen people, ages six to 60, gathered around a sign-up table. We all picked up gloves, t-shirts (which look pretty awesome -- and who doesn't need more free shirts?), E-Z grabbers, and trash bags before heading out to scour the park for trash.

We wandered around the Milwaukee River banks and surrounding park for about 2-1/2 hours picking up used plastic bags, cigarette and cigar butts, plastic bottles, beer cans, and food wrappers.

Some people also found a laptop, steering wheel, a light-up Christmas snowman, a safe, and cash register drawer. (Local robberies, much?)

When we left around 11:30, there were about 25-30 bags stacked up along the road for garbage pick-up.

It felt good to help out the community; plus the park didn't look to shabby once we finished up. It's a never-ending battle -- but it was a good way to get outside, and make the city look a little better.

I also mentioned Gregor how he had posted a blog about the "Broken-window theory." But maybe if people see us doing our part to keep the parks clean, they might think twice about tossing that Oreo wrapper on the ground.

Earth Hour

2010-03-09T12:13:00.003-06:00

I received an email at work encouraging all employees to participate in something I had never heard of: Earth Hour 2010. (http://www.earthhour.org/)

Here’s the rundown:

On March 27, 2010, from 8:30-9:30 PM -- for your own time zone, people all over the world will be turning off all of their electricity as a protest against climate change.

In 2008, countries all over the world participated. According to the website, “Global landmarks such as the, Sydney Harbour Bridge, The CN Tower in Toronto, The Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, and Rome’s Colosseum, all stood in darkness.”

I understand the concept – to show our reliance on electricity and power; and subsequently its global impact. Hopefully, it would encourage more people to use less electricity – or at least show them how much they really rely on it.

Along with most people, I’m guilty of wasting energy. On top of electricity, I’m talking about water and fuel too. I leave lights on all over the house (Gregor can attest – and I’m sure he will), my laptop and the television are constantly on when I’m at home, I wash dishes with the water running.

That’s not to say I haven’t taken steps to stop wasting energy too. I’ve used my cruise control more on highways (saves gas, fewer run-ins with the 5-0s); I try to grab all the items I need from the refrigerator at once when I’m making a meal; I turn the water off when I brush my teeth.

So this March 27, I’m going to try turning the lights out for an hour. Maybe I can get a little creative, and figure out what to do for an hour in the dark.

Get your head out of the gutter.

In like a lion, out like a lamb

2010-03-04T12:00:00.003-06:00

There’s light at the end of the tunnel. Finally! When the calendar hits March, the days start getting longer (March 14 = daylight savings), the temperatures get warmer (March 20 = first day of spring).

This weekend, I’m looking forward to the temperatures hitting the mid-40s. That’s right – above freezing. We haven’t seen that kind of heat wave since November.

The big plans on my list? Going for my long run. Outside.

I decided to keep with the running, and signed up for another spring half marathon. I chose to run the Door County Half Marathon on May 1. Since January, I’ve been training indoors on a treadmill at the gym. Let me tell you, they’re a necessary evil; but, treadmills SUCK.

Gregor and I just moved to our new place in January, so I’m not too familiar with the area yet. On my first outdoor run, I can’t wait to investigate and explore the good trails, find out which routes have sidewalks, check out the scenery, and figure out how to avoid the terrifying traffic on Mequon Road.

Hot air

2009-10-16T10:41:00.003-05:00

I followed the story yesterday of the six-year-old boy who was presumably stuck in a man-made hot air balloon his storm chasing parents constructed. Read the story here.

Turns out he was hiding in the garage attic the whole time.

Why jobs are like boyfriends

2009-10-13T18:03:00.007-05:00

When I got laid off in July, I was bummed out. I sat around by myself, I cried, I ate and drank things I probably shouldn’t have. I discovered websites I didn’t know existed through hours of daily Internet surfing.

Now I’ve been looking for a job the last three months, with little to show for it (except an updated resume and a bunch of business cards from people I’ll probably never talk to again). Then I realized, looking for a job is like looking for a boyfriend. Observe.

The break-up

Sure, we had disagreements and fought once in awhile … but I thought I was pulling my weight. I helped out when I didn’t need to. I made you feel good when you were down. I gave you my heart, and you stomped on it. With no forewarning, nonetheless. What did I do wrong? Of course, I had to figure we were both having problems and dragging this out longer than necessary. But we were both comfortable, weren’t we?

Do I talk too much? Did I ignore you? Did I break the fax machine one-too-many times? And much like a severed relationship, I’m left wondering why instead of just moving on and getting over it.

Nesting

Now what do I do with all the hours I would usually spend with you? I can’t go and hang out at your place. That would just be weird, and needy. Instead I sit on my couch for hours watching terrible daytime talk shows and rented movies. I sit in my pajamas and I don’t shower until 2 PM. I eat cereal for breakfast, lunch and/or dinner. Along with ice cream, pizza and cheeseburgers.

When I’m feeling a little better, I try to find some fellow singles to go out on the town on a Tuesday night. But I can’t because ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE JOBS.

The first date

Finally, for weeks, I’ve been searching and searching for that someone special. We meet online and notice a connection. Hey good lookin’. Say, you’re in the Milwaukee area? You need someone with my kind of experience? You like grammar and correcting typos? Let’s meet!

We decide on a day, find the location and pick a time to meet. I have to dress to the nines and make sure I’m on your A-game. I’ve only got one chance to make a good, lasting first impression.

When I get there, I have to talk about myself. Incessantly. Not only that, but you have to make yourself sound good. Not only that, I have to make sure I ask you questions too.

The callback

This is usually done by phone or email. Texting in either situation is absolutely unacceptable. So far, I’ve received at least a dozen emails before and/or after an interview saying why I’m not their type. “You don’t have enough experience,” There were so many well-qualified applicants and it was difficult to choose,” or, my personal favorite, “I’m not sure you’d move for me.” (Not a direct quote) Fine. I’ll move one. It’s not like we knew each other that well anyway.

But the trouble always is, you don’t always know exactly why they didn’t pick you. You can’t read minds, and ask that potential employer why they made the decision they did. What’s that person you picked got, that I ain’t got?

Going steady

I’ve dragged the metaphor on, you can probably figure this one out. It’s when the job you’ve been seeing says they want to offer you a place in their heart. Or a cube, as it were. You want to support me and give me insurance? Let me celebrate holidays with you and meet all your friends? That sounds swell.

In all respects, I’m still single. Sure I’m playing the field right now with a few freelance opportunities; but I have yet to lock down that lasting relationship.

That said, I can still say I learn from every job I meet. I realize that some of the interviews I go to, I wouldn’t want to work for a particular person or company. Or I realize that I really, really want that job … but they found someone that can type faster, joke better or has more, ehem, experience than me.

Lakefront Marathon

2009-10-06T16:20:00.005-05:00

I woke up around 6 AM and made the same breakfast I always do before a run: an English muffin breakfast sammich with egg and Canadian bacon, swallowed down with some Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. It was barely light out when I packed up the rest of my gear when Greg and I hopped into my Camry on our way to Grafton High School. Today I was going to run my first marathon.

Lakefront Marathon, October 4: 48 degrees and cloudy at 7:45 AM. Only 2,700 runners. Not nearly as many as my first race this past May; a half marathon in Green Bay, with almost 10,000 total participants. The Lakefront Marathon limited participants mainly because both Ozaukee and Milwaukee Counties can’t completely close down their roads for the race. The route itself starts off in Grafton, and goes along the Lake Michigan lakefront to downtown Milwaukee. One way. No loops or circles – you’re always headed toward your destination.

I made sure to charge my iPod that morning, and created a list with more than 100 songs, or six hours worth, for the entire 26.2 miles. I took off my sweats, down to my running shorts and tank top. A lot of runners wore cheap gloves, cut-off sleeves, or throw-away shirts to stay warm before the race. I didn’t because I knew I’d be warmed up within the first mile.

I went to the bathroom – a staple of any long distance run. I took one Imodium, to avoid any, err, accidents during the rest of the morning. Plus I was dealing with dear Aunt Flow that morning. TMI? Too bad … it’s worse dealing with it, than hearing about it.

I knew the last half would be more difficult than the first. My longest distance in training was only 16 miles, opposed to the 20 miles I should’ve made it up to. I cut back on my distance during training to avoid a knee injury and focused more on strength training.

Miles one through 10 were pretty uneventful. The run consisted mainly of country roads with a few scattered houses. I kept a 10:40 pace, and stuck with the 4:30 pace group for awhile. There were some volunteers that kept music playing in their cars. I also remember a guy playing a banjo in his driveway, while his dog sat by his feet. I knew I couldn’t use too much energy because I’d have to save up for the second half. I looked forward to seeing Greg, knowing he’d meet me at Mile 10.

I ate my first gel around Mile 8, so I grabbed my other one from Greg when I met him at Mile 10.

I made a pit stop at Mile 12 to go to the bathroom. I figured it was the best idea, since I had a full mug of coffee and at least a full bottle of water already.

I anticipated seeing Greg again at Mile 15, and told myself I only had five miles to run before we met up again. The next time I saw him, Greg gave me some Vaseline for my legs, because my shorts were beginning to chafe my thighs. I told him I’d see him again around Mile 22.

I stopped at every water stop, about every two miles, and made sure to drink at least one cup of water. I even had Gatorade twice, because I knew I needed sodium and electrolytes. I would walk for 50-100 yards to get my bearings and not swallow the water to fast. I also went through two gels, which isn’t much considering they recommend having 1-2 every hour that you’re running. (The second one I had around Mile 18.)

I went into the race knowing my mental strength was half the battle. I knew my body could physically handle it. I’m in pretty good shape, and I’ve been working to get here since March. The problem is, you can’t psych yourself out; 26.2 miles can be daunting if you look at it as an entire distance. So I broke it down to numbers, and made it a game. I knew that after mile 10, and every five miles after that, I’d see Greg. That broke the distance up into four (almost) equal segments, with the longest at the start. I could anticipate seeing him (and everyone at mile 22 :D), knowing he’d be there to hand me gear and he’d be there to push and encourage me. (When you’re at mile 15, and you have 11 more to go … you might need someone to give you some motivation.) I focused on each mile, and would tell myself things like, “Once you pass mile 10, you’re in double digits” or “Once I make it to mile 17, I’m in single digits to the finish.” It also helped that the last 8 miles of the race were usually incorporated into my training routes. I could recognize houses, street names, cracks in the sidewalk …

At Mile 19, I ran next to a middle-aged woman who was running her fourth marathon. We talked for about a mile. She told me she wasn’t sure why she was doing this a fourth time. She didn’t like the idea of taking up her entire summer with training. (For more than half the 3+ months of training, you should be incorporating a long run each week between 10-20 miles – there go your weekends.) But we both laughed about the fact that we’d be able to eat whatever we wanted today once we finished. She had baked brownies the day before, and bought a half gallon of ice cream. We were burning at least 2,800 calories each; an entire day’s worth of food.

While we were talking, the 4:45 pace group came up and ran behind us. The woman holding the pace sign was wearing bright pink shorts, and a pink and white tank top, and continued to smile and say encouraging things to all the runners she was with or passing.

After the next water stop, I broke ahead of the pace group, and the woman I was talking to. I passed Silver Spring Drive, and started recognizing roads. I knew I was getting close to my next cheering section :)

Then, I saw everyone (Greg, Kate, Ivan, Weeks, Jesse, V and Dexter) at Mile 22, near Lake Dr. and Capitol Dr. That gave me the motivation to get through the next four miles.

And it’s true, marathons have two parts: the first 20 miles, and the last 6.2 miles. After seeing everyone at Mile 22, I knew I wasn’t too far from finishing, but I could also tell that my joints and muscles were killing me. I continued to run past Capitol and told myself to keep running until the huge decline on Lincoln Memorial Drive, about a mile ahead. Once I stopped running, I immediately felt my muscles tense up every time I took a step. I didn’t want to mess up my knee, so I walked down the entire hill. Then I saw the 4:45 pace group … except it wasn’t a group, it was the same woman in pink, with two stragglers behind her. I saw her go about 20 yards ahead, then 100 yards. That was it. I told myself that if I was going to finish, I wanted to make it in under 5 hours. I began jogging again. I passed the Mile 24 marker, and started to pick up the pace even more. Once I passed the first couple people, I felt a second (or sixth?) wind coming on. I felt less pain when I ran than when I walked. I had already figured out my breathing, and the harder I pushed my muscles, the less pain (relatively) I felt.

Once I got going, I started gaining on the pace group. I was in a full-out run by the time I got to the Mile 25 water station, and I could hear people cheering. It seemed like (or maybe they actually were?) the volunteers got louder as I came through, because they realized I wasn’t dragging. I was actually running … probably at a 9:30/mile pace.

One volunteer even stepped out, put up his hand and yelled my name (our names were printed on our bibs). I gave him a high-five, and grabbed a water from the last volunteer in the row. For the first water stop during the entire race, I squeezed the cup and chugged – without stopping to walk.

Then I had a half mile to go. I could see spectators walking to and from the finish line. I kept passing people on my left and right. AND THEN, Queen started playing on my iPod: “We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions.” Perfect timing.

I could hear my breath, along with the music … and occasionally people would yell out “Go Erica!” or “Almost there, keep going!”

I could see the curve that took me to the home stretch, and realized I had about a quarter mile to go. I was going to do this. I turned the corner, and “Times Like These” by Foo Fighters started playing. I can justify why making a playlist for each big run is important.

People around me were walking or slowly jogging in, but I wanted it to be over. I wanted to cross the finish line. I heard the crowd around me, and people yelling my name. Almost there.

And then I crossed. I made it: 4:42:39.

A volunteer put a medal around my neck. I grabbed a space blanket, took a slice of orange and a banana. I felt lost for a minute, realizing I was done. It was over. Then I heard my name. Greg!

I found him, and we walked over to my mom. . I needed to stretch. My heart raced. I limped and stumbled. My joints ached. I shook. I didn’t know if I was cold or hot. I felt sweat caked to my face and arms. I had just run 26.2 miles.

And it was all worth it.

Why we need newspapers

2009-08-13T19:28:00.004-05:00

In last week’s issue of Time magazine, I read about how Advance Publications decided to stop printing Ann Arbor News, out of Ann Arbor, Michigan. You can read the story here.

The opportunity for the community to save their newspaper is well-founded, and admirable, if not important for saving journalistic integrity.

See, I have no problem with online news. I read jsonline.com on a weekly basis. It’s how I get most of my news. I’ve set up Google reader to pull newsfeeds from my favorite sites. If anything, I’ve got all the news I need at my fingertips. The problem? INFORMATION OVERLOAD.

When people received their daily newspaper on their front doorstep, they could enjoy a cup of coffee while they read what happened in their community, and all over the world. You could choose what you wanted more information about just by reading headlines. If you wanted to know more, you read on. Of course, online stories have this same format. But, staring at a computer screen is a far cry from holding a tangible object in your hands. You also had someone else choosing the most important news that you should be reading, versus looking up hundreds of different news stories. Or worse, multiple stories on the same subject.

So in all fairness, Ann Arbor News is still in most respects alive. They’ll still print two issues per week on top of having all their content available online. As a business, it’s probably the best thing to do for a floundering art. But it also makes me realize that without having an actual newspaper to read, the Internet bombards me with information I don’t really need, every single day.

Why I (don't) work

2009-08-08T18:03:00.004-05:00

YEAH, I haven't been around in awhile; what of it? I've had a pretty busy summer, including camping or traveling out of town at least half the time, seeing the Brewers at least 6x and (literally) running all over Wisconsin. Not that I'm complaining. In fact, I've still got some pretty awesome stuff coming up in the next few weeks.

I'd say this summer was on it's way to making the top three best ever (#1.) Summer of 2003, after my freshman year of college, and #2.) Last year.) Until July 20, 2009. Dun-dun-dunn.

For those of you not familiar ... I got laid off because of financial cuts at the Company. I've also recently found out that the Company filed for Chapter 11, hoping to clear some of it's debt. But that's probably another post.

Optimistically, being let go has given me the potential opportunity to cut ties from Fort Atkinson and will *hopefully* end up being a blessing in disguise. But before I came to that epiphany, I had a few choice words with myself and the keyboard. So without further ado, and any without editing whatsoever, I give you the "Working Rant."

"The look of pity is the worst part.

It hadn’t hit me. It still might not have. I’m sad, but it’s more like a relationship break-up than a job loss. I’ll miss some of the people I worked with. I’ll miss having something to go to on a daily basis. I’ll miss the actual work. But I won’t miss the bullshit of dealing with corporate red tape and preferential treatment.

The question that keeps going through my mind is, “Why me?” It was a purely economical move, so they said … but could it have been some other underlying issue. Was it really only the numbers? When you have a staff of six running two magazines, and four of those individuals are sales representatives, how will one editor handle all of that work? I hope they at least compensate Brendan for the load of work that will now double. Didn’t they realize the assistants and associates (editors) were the ones that do all the work? They’ll find out.

It may have been that I got to work a few minutes later than everyone else. But I also stayed later. Is it because I asked to arrange some kind of telecommuting procedure for working from home a few days a week? Did they then think I’d being my search for another job, because I didn’t get what I wanted? After that conversation, and after reassessing my financial status, I decided I would continue to live in Fort Atkinson for at least another year. But they didn’t know that. Could it have been that?

My being on editorial focus groups, and helping out for different magazines couldn’t have even been a factor. (err, sarcasm.)

The other issue I’m trying to wrap around my head is that I had been doomed from the start. RV Trade Digest, my initial book, had gone under completely. My one saving grace was leaving that magazine – but I still got left behind.

And to reapply for another editorial position at the same company? (HR called to let me know there was another associate editor position available) Really, to work with Brendan, and have a working relationship with some of the people there again, I’d do in a heartbeat. But not at that same company. Why should I even attempt to give anything to a company that believed I wasn’t an asset to their future? We’ll part ways indefinitely, so I can cauterize this wound, instead of wondering if they’ll rip away bandages over and over again.

I’ve come to terms with the publishing world. It’s not the happy-go-lucky, laid back job I thought it’d be. It’s pure cutthroat.

Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy what I do. I take pride in my actual job, and the tasks I complete. Along the way, I meet a few pretty cool people. But in this industry, it’s not what you know. It’s who you know. Networking can be a bitch. If done properly, it’ll get you to the top of the mountain. Not doing it can leave you stranded.

After my mom discussed the possibility of working for Social Security, I thought about it. Why wouldn’t I at least #1: go into a government job, which might have a little more security, and #2. Work in customer service again. I understand the ropes. I also get that it’s treating others the way you’d like to be treated. No more unethical business about running a lax company. I won’t have to deal with the skewed views of middle and upper management trying to handle a financial crisis.

In customer service, at least your job is to help others. That idea is also extended into the workforce. People enjoy helping others, but also enjoy the satisfaction of being treated equally, and with respect based on not only how they interact with their peers, and serve their clientele, but also on their performance. That’s the one thing that distinguishes a service industry career from a media career."

At this point, I'm not sure where I'll go next. I'm still applying for editorial jobs. But I'm applying for more consumer-based publications, or online-focused media. And, I'm keeping my options open.

Some like it hot

2009-06-24T13:43:00.004-05:00

...but I DON'T.

Since summer started (which starts mid-May for me, since the conditioning of summer vacation for 20 years of my life), Mother Nature has maintained a pretty pleasant temperature. A few showers here and there, a couple humid days in between. All in all, I can't complain. Until now.

Last week, meteorologists explained we'd be reaching the mid- to upper-80s. That's great for all you central air folk, and perpetual beach junkies; but what about us full-time cube dwellers? We're forced to wear business casual -- Or, here, jeans, as compensation for all the economy business causing us to get pay cuts and lose our 401K matching).

No problem. They've got AC, you say? That's right. I'll deal with walking to and from the car. nbd.

BUTWAITDERSMORE.

It's not so much going to work that bugs me. In fact, I don't mind because I'm getting paid to sit in air conditioning all day. The problem is, when I have to head home.

As mentioned before, most of you know I live in an upper unit apartment in a very, very old house. Without air conditioning.

Last year, I bit the bullet and bought a cheap AC unit, to use when Lucifer decides to vacation in SE Wisconsin a few times each summer. It's been a godsend.

Problem is, the heat started Monday morning ... and I didn't get a chance to set up the unit until Monday afternoon. I cranked it on high until going to bed, hoping it'd at least cool my bedroom a few degrees. The thing rattles like someone beat it with a sledgehammer, so I decided to turn it off before falling asleep.

Terrible, terrible idea.

I woke up at least three times, drenched in sweat. Then I got out of bed in the morning pissed off at the world for being so EFFING HOT. I didn't want coffee. I didn't want eggs. I didn't want anything having anything to do with warm. I didn't even want to shower unless the water felt like icicles.

Tuesday: I go to work, come home and turn the AC on. I put up a sheet between my kitchen and living room.

The cold air comes from my bedroom, and some will make it into the living room; but in order to cool my kitchen, it would have to go through the living room and front hallway first. That's a lost cause, making my bathroom and kitchen unbearably hot. For some reason, all of the heat from the day is not only trapped in that insulated box of a room, the oven/stove puts out some kind of ridiculous heat from the pilot light. (I checked repeatedly, all the knobs are set to "off." And yeah, it's probably not safe.) Yesterday my kitchen and bathroom sat at about a balmy 120 degrees. I'm not exaggerating.

Anywho, I stick to the BR and living room as my main areas. Don't get me wrong, it's still about 75-80, but some of the humidity gets eaten up with the cold air.

I slept with the AC on all night. The rattling didn't even bother me, because I knew my internal body temperature wasn't rising above 100 degrees. In fact, after awhile the rattling turned into white noise, and seemed to lull me to sleep.

Another great thing? I don't pay for electricity. That means the AC can run without any financial consequences. Of course, I still limit use to days when the dew point matches the temperature, and the temperature's above 80 degrees.

DIrty mouth? Clean it up.

2009-06-17T12:01:00.004-05:00

Many of you who know me in person, know I have a tendency to drop a few eff-bombs here and there, On occasion, I'll sprinkle my conversation with synonyms for feces, Hades and, err, dammit. But I love love love dropping eff-bombs.

These verbal onslaughts are okay in front of friends; but mixed company sometimes doesn't appreciate my colorful vocabulary. This is especially true if I'm around kids at a Brewer game, or hanging out at the zoo. So lately I've been trying to incorporate some more unique verbiage in place of swearing all over the place.

Generally, I try to replace any f*ck with "eff." As in, "EFFFFFFF, I just deleted file full of pictures on my computer."

Besides substituting that word, here's what else I've got so far:

GODDAMMIT = God... bless it.
WHATTHEFUCK = For crying out loud; what the what?! (Thanks Liz Lemon.); Really.
FUCKME = Oh dear; You gotta be strokin' me.
SHUTTHEFUCKUP = OMG; Shut the front door.

Any others?

Birthday suits

2009-06-10T11:55:00.005-05:00

Last night, I finished reading Naked by David Sedaris. It only took me about a month (High five! to myself.) The reason? It's effing hilarious.

That's not to say the main character, Dave, isn't flawed. This dude's got some of narcissistic, selfish problems my friend. But he's laugh-out-loud (yeah, I spelled it) funny, regardless. I think one of the reasons might be that he's still so relatable, and tells the reader like it is, no holds barred.

The characters he describes and stories he tells (working in a mental institution when he was 16, hitchhiking across the US, harvesting apples in Oregon) make you laugh and cringe at the same time, mostly because you probably shouldn't laugh, but still are.

You might be asking yourself, why is the book title "Naked?" I wondered the same thing until I got to the last, self-titled chapter.

After ordering a nudist colony brochure as a joke for his brother, Sedaris receives the pamphlet and actually considers booking a week-long reservation. He's apprehensive, mainly because he doesn't even walk around his house without shoes, let alone without clothes. Over the course of a week, he finally becomes comfortable walking around a (for lack of a better term) nudist trailer park. The first couple days wearing a t-shirt and shoes for some cover ... then finally exposing himself for all to see.

A nice way to end a book, where he finally developed to be comfortable in his own skin, I guess. But it got me thinking ... what if the entire world were a nudist colony?

First things first; no clothes! That means, no one would worry about buying updated clothing, and I wouldn't have to replace my ever-expansive wardrobe. (I'm a lady, what of it.) No need impressing others with the latest fashion crap. Wearing shoes and socks without clothes might look kind of ridiculous though.

It might get cold, so I figure I'd plant myself in some kind of Arizona- or California-based colony. Sand might be a problem.

Usually you have to worry about washing your hands after touching things; but what if you're putting your bare ass all over the place? Sedaris' colony recommended carrying a towel everywhere. For sanitary reasons, I would too.

But the other issue I'd have, would be seeing other people naked. A geriatric WWI veteran? Or, a 40-year-old mother of six? Yikes. Once you get used to it though, I suppose it'd be common place. It'd be like Faces of Death, where you couldn't look away -- but after awhile, all the train wrecks start to look the same.

Initially I'd be nervous because I'd be pretty self-conscious of baring all in front of them. Honestly though, I love not wearing clothes.

When I wake up in the morning, I generally prance around in my underoos for a good hour. I start by making breakfast, sometimes in the buff. It's one of the perks of living alone.

But that's really only in the privacy of my own home. I can handle seeing myself in the nude, but I'm not ready to see the rest of you.

Crossing the finish line

2009-05-21T09:45:00.005-05:00

Last Saturday night, I had trouble falling asleep. I got to bed pretty early -- 10 PM. But I tossed, I turned. I woke up three times. I yelled incoherent things in my sleep. And I had dreams that I missed waking up on time.

But I got out of bed at 5:30 AM, right on schedule. I'd make it in time for my first half marathon.

The family piled into the car at 6 AM (ish...), heading down to Lambeau Field for the start of the 10th Annual Green Bay Cellcom marathon.

I've been training since January to run the complete 13.1 miles.

In the Atrium, we sat around, stretched, listened to music. All 10,000+ of us. Amazing.

Awe-struck by the volume of people that just showed up to this thing, I couldn't believe all the runners AND spectators wandering around before the gun start.

I began at the start line with Michelle's mom, Brenda, and Brenda's cousin, Mike. Both had run before, and encouraged me I'd do great. All I could think about was running through Lambeau Field and crossing the finish line. I couldn't wait for it to be over.

We started off at 7:30 AM. Masses of runners huddled together out of the corrals. I was going to run over someone, or get run over. Holy crap. Looking ahead, it's like an ocean of heads bobbing. The first two miles, I felt like I didn't need to do anything ... this river of people was going to push me along the entire way.

By the first water stop, some people broke off. I grabbed Gatorade (oops), tossed it and realized water was at the second station. I knew around Mile 3 I'd see Gregor, which kept me going.

Right after though (about Mile 4 or 5), I thought, 'Wow, this would be a whole lot better if I were at Mile 10 or 11 right now.' No dice. My side cramped up a little, and I slowed my pace so I wouldn't overexert myself. I refused to walk.

I noticed some people passing me, and watched the sweat rings around the necks of people ahead I was keeping pace with slowly get bigger and bigger.

Around Mile 8, runners pass the Gu station. I've never had this crap in my life, and didn't want to do anything differently than training. I grabbed some anyway, and kept it in my left hand for three miles. The (briefly) cold packet helped for two reasons: 1.) It was like an ice packet in my hands for about 5 minutes, and 2.) When I run while training, I usually carry a small water bottle in my left hand. I kept it there to psychologically put me in the place I usually was when running at home. The adrenaline rush wasn't there, so I needed to try something else. It worked.

In two more miles, I'd see Gregor again ... which was encouraging. I finally found my groove. I started passing people, and felt like a ran faster when the course headed east, because we were looking into the sun. Each water station, I'd briefly walk while drinking and hop back in to the run.

At the Mile 10 water station, all of the volunteers and spectators were cheering, on both sides of the runners. It felt amazing. I told myself I only had three more miles. This was cake.

A little after Mile 11, the half marathon and marathon split. I thought, 'Thank GOD I don't have to run another 14 miles right now.'

I knew I was close. I could hear people yelling ahead. In less than a mile I'd be heading into Lambeau.

Running up to the gate entrance, a bunch of spectators were cheering as runners were entering the stadium. Then I heard the familiar "WHOOOOOOOOO-OO-OO" to my right -- from Gregor. And he was with my mom, George and Matthias! Oh HAI! (Pffft I GOT THIS.) I'll see you guys in 10 minutes!

Running into the stadium, we got to come out where the Packers do during games. "Celebrate Good Times" was blasting and the spectator section cheered for passing runners. I passed at least a half dozen people while looping the stadium. Pushing myself didn't even hurt. I knew I was almost done.

I saw the finish line about 200 yards ahead, when I noticed Gregor's mom waving as I passed. And there he was with his dad too!

I shot to cross the finish line under 2:30:00. I crossed at 2:06:38, but because my chip time was 2 minutes behind, I actually made the 13.1 in 2:04:06. That's a pace of 9:28 per mile. Awesome.

The next day, I signed up for the Lakefront Marathon on Oct. 4.

Goodbye GMA

2009-05-04T08:29:00.004-05:00

Almost every weekday morning, I wake up, stumble to the kitchen and start my coffee pot, and turn on the TV. It's usually past 7 AM by the time my omelet's ready, so I end up watching Good Morning America on my favorite news station, WISN-Milwaukee. I dig the local news, but each day I watch GMA, I feel more and more stupid. Literally -- like my brain is turning to mush because of the shit they air.

The only valuable time spent watching that show is from the 90 seconds of actual news Chris Cuomo (mmmm, Chris Cuomo...) usually shares about 15 minutes in. Otherwise, IT'S CRAP.

I don't mind mindless dribble, but I can find that on my own time all over the Internets. I don't need to be hand-fed spoonfuls of feces for breakfast.

I understand it's a morning show, so they're upping the entertainment value, instead of just providing news. But give me a break.

Besides hearing about NY bus drivers who sing opera to passengers, or British toddlers that can name 150+ world capitals, viewers are CONSTANTLY bombarded with DAILY (I'm not kidding...) videos and "news" about the doom of the swine-flu epidemic (including today, when they had a five minute segment about stores running out of hand sanitizer) and Susan Boyle. If I hear another fucking story about Susan Boyle, I'm going to punch someone in the jugular. Her 15 minutes is UP.

And she is the reason I'm turning off my TV.

In the meantime, I've been slowly turning to NPR in the morning. That way, I can still get bfast ready, and even sit around while I eat. And I can also read while the radio's on.

Ultimately, my argument comes down to offering cable TV stations ala carte. If I could have ESPN, HGTV, National Geographic and the Discovery Channel, I'd be a happy lady. Instead I pay $9.95 a month for doubles of Madison's and Milwaukee's basic channels. And subsequently, two Good Morning Americas and Today Shows each morning. And Bob Saget's Funniest Home Videos, which I did end up watching today.

Keeping the glass empty

2009-04-21T20:33:00.005-05:00

I'm attempting a feat I haven't accomplished since before college: Not drinking. For a month.

Now, I know you're thinking "Ric -- YOU crazy girl!"

But really first off, that's not that long.

Don't get me wrong; I don't drink nearly as much as I did at UW-SP. Or since most everyone moved away from Whitewater, my college away from college. At this point, I'd probably the be worst choice for a beer pong partner; and the Beast hasn't touched my lips since at least a year ago.

But I still drink on a weekly basis.

I usually have a glass of wine once or twice a week when I eat, or relax while surfing the nets, or reading a book. I'll get over that. I'm usually pretty busy M-F anyway, so I'll bide my time.

My achilles? Beer.

I'm not talking about that watered-down, flavorless crap Miller and Budweiser try to pass for triple hops, barley special edition brew master fresh, blah blah blah... (which, I can enjoy on occasion). I'm talking about full hops IPAs and nutty amber ales. See, I don't know much about beer. But I know when it tastes good.

So relaxing on the weekend, I've been sitting back, grilling out with a burger and Beck's Dark. Or hang out on the porch, enjoying a Guinness.

But I've noticed it's affected my marathon training. Last week, after tailgating for a Brewer game Monday night, and heading to Thursday night trivia at the Milwaukee Ale House; I noticed that the combination lack of sleep and too many pints put me over the edge. I kept up with my training schedule, but struggled each time I put on my running shoes.

Instead of cutting back, I'm going cold turkey. But wait, derrs more!

A couple weeks ago, I won a six pack of Special Edition Jim Gaffigan Point Pale Ale (and his new comedy album) from the Pabst. Awesome! I still have to pick it up...

Then, in compensation for writing a cover story at work for my old magazine, my bosses bosses boss said he'd pick up a 12-pack of any brew I wanted, instead of cash. (Apparently we've resorted to the barter system at the office...) Cool. Gimme some Newky Brown!

Alas, they'll have to sit in the fridge. For now, I'll stick with resisting temptation to focus on the big picture: kicking that half marathon's ass.

Bills, pills, pills

2009-04-14T22:11:00.006-05:00

I started taking the BCP about five months ago, and my doctor said if I had any questions, wanted to switch up the type of prescription or awkwardly talk about the weather with my pants off again, I should give her a call. A few weeks ago, I decided I'd had enough with the current pill and wanted to try something else.

I called the doctor's office to explain what I wanted (a new prescription) and why (because it makes me crazies/go blind/not sleep). The woman on the other end of the line said it was absolutely necessary for me to see the doctor. But not before making me feel like an idiot because my symptoms sounded ludicrous.

*Three weeks later, after hassling with a reschedule.*

I go in for my appointment, tell the Dr. my problems and she goes over the options. We decide on a low-dose BCP. Problem is, there are no generics. That means spending at least 50 percent more for the EXACT SAME THING. (Think Tylenol versus Target brand acetaminophen -- there's no difference, they just use different color dye for the pills.)

Next day, I head to Walgreen's to pick up the prescription. But in exchange for those 28 little baby blockers, they want $60. WHAT?!!? That's more than my food budget for the WEEK. I ask them to call the office back and ask for a prescription of the second option we discussed. But they don't call doctors at Walgreens, they fax them. It's 2009, not 1991. But whatevs. They tell me the request should go through and to come back tomorrow.

Day three: On top of not hearing back from the doctor, Walgreens refuses to call to confirm. I have to call. It's 4:55, the doctor's office closes at 5 PM and I have to get home to look up the number first. UGGH. No dice.

Rather than deal with Walgreen's ineptitude toward customer service, or using any ounce of common sense, I decide to go the mail route and order the pills via NextRX. Although it takes about two weeks to fill, an entire 3-month supply costs $90.

Then a week ago, I got a bill in the mail. (See... ...Medical Bill Errors: Fighting Mistakes, it happens more than you think.)

Because I was, IMHO, forced to make an appointment to see my doctor in person, versus a simple chat on the phone, I have to pay $20. I didn't know that. Funny -- last time I checked, swindling people out of cash was a crime.

Per a conversation with mi madre, it's best to request to talk to the doctor if at all necessary to avoid an extra trip to the clinic. She said I should also be thankful my co-pay's only $20, instead of $200. Yikes.

Or maybe I should just follow the rest of America and bend over while health care takes advantage.

Cube scavengers

2009-04-03T14:45:00.005-05:00

As part of my "worst week ever" series, I found out that our magazine group had to move to a different set of desks on Wednesday. Same cube farm, two aisles over.

So today, the six of us got some boxes together, called IT and started the transition.

My problem, mostly, is that the move seems completely unnecessary. I'm still about 10 feet from the office door. But now they took away my window (poor Leon!), and I have a muzak speaker and blasting air vent anchored to the ceiling above me.

Moving, in general, sucks.

To see the silver lining, I can say it's a good thing because I had the opportunity to clean out my desk, and some of the drawers and filing cabinets that haven't been touched since I moved a year ago.

And I also got to hunt for new things. I went out in search of a drawer organizer; because my junk drawer's brimming with random crap like socks, gum and whiteout.

I wandered around the office looking in abandoned cubes for some cool new gear. I found some metal separators for my drawers in an old publishers office, and a drawer organizer for some pens and paper clips.

I also found an ergonomic chair, but Brendan stole it before I had a chance to take it to my cube.

this morning, too, I even dug through my closet to find some posters I haven't had up since college, to try and decorate my workspace a little bit more.

So here I am all settled.

I moved the wall over, so my entrance is in a corner instead of the center. That makes my cube look luxurious. Notice, too, how big Leon's getting.

There past my cube, you can see the one lone window I have access to again, instead of the wall of windows I had previously.

Easy exit.

April fool

2009-04-02T08:38:00.004-05:00

Tuesday night, I had planned on heading to my friend Kim's house in Milwaukee with Michelle, so we could see a concert at Turner Hall. (Margot& the Nuclear So-and-Sos and Cloud Cult were both amazing.) Kim's apartment has four parking spaces; because her downstairs neighbors have two cars, one parks in the garage next to Kim, and the other usually takes up the entire cement parking slab. Kim said it'd be cool to park on the cement slab in her alley because it was designed for two vehicles.

We get home from the concert around 11:30 PM and start winding down for bed, only to get a knock at the door about a half hour later. The downstairs neighbor just got off of her second shift and wondered why there was someone parked in her spot. Kim explained the situation, apologized and agreed to move her car from the garage out onto the street for the night, so the neighbor could park next to her boyfriend's car in the garage. Cool.

But after Kim took care of the situation and moved her car, we looked out the back window to see the neighbor's car still parked in the alley.

But see, the thing was, it wasn't just parked in the alley -- but perpendicular to my car, parking me in completely.

We were wiped, and headed to bed thinking she might just move it and everything would be taken care of in time to leave for work in the morning.

I previously set up with my editor to work from home yesterday, and had decided I'd head to Gregor's Wednesday morning to work from his computer.

Before Kim and Michelle left for the office, Kim knocked on the neighbor's door around 7 AM. No answer. She wrote a note explaining the situation, asking if they could move the car as soon as the boyfriend was up, seeing as he usually left for work before 9 AM.

I sat around Kim's apartment, checked my work email, got a few things done. Around 8 AM, I went downstairs myself and knocked on the door. The note was still hanging there. Quiet. No answer.

At 9 AM I tried again. I walked downstairs, knocked at three separate times, and rang the doorbell. Then the dog started whimpering on the other side of the door. I rang the doorbell again. The dog barked a few times.

Then I heard a woman's muffled voice, calling the dog away from the door. And that was it. I knocked at least another five times, and rang the doorbell. WTF.

I wasn't sure if maybe she couldn't come to the door. It crossed my mind for a minute that she might be in trouble. No such luck.

I walked back upstairs, called Kim and explained everything. She decided to call her landlord and get their direct number. She called the guy, who had already left for work and explained to him what was going on.

In the meantime, I decided to try knocking again, rang the back doorbell, and headed to the front, ringing that doorbell too.

Kim called back. The dude neighbor told her, blantantly, that his girlfriend wasn't moving the car. That also meant that he left the house and saw the note, but also refused to be the bigger person by moving his GF's car.

At this point, I'm livid. Not only had we tried to remedy the situation the night before, but this chic was being a crass bitch who refused to move her car out of spite. And was doing it to a complete stranger.

I called Gregor around 9:30, who had called in sick to work (really, because he was sick :(), and told him what happened. He agreed to pick me up, and we'd pick up my car later that afternoon when the neighbor left for her second shift again.

Ugh.

I can't believe that any person would have the audacity to deliberately choose to be that spiteful, or inconsiderate.

All I have to say is, Karma's a bitch.

Got gum?

2009-03-25T14:08:00.004-05:00

This afternoon, I walked over to the gas station to buy a cup of coffee. I knew I had at least a dollar's worth of change in my coat pocket, so I wandered over, filled the cup and walked up to the register.

As I pulled out my handful of change, I noticed there were blue, sticky bits plastered to all the coins. WHAT IS THIS?

I tried to cover up my unruly pocket full of quarters and dimes by hovering over my hand while picking out the correct coinage.

Apparently, I left a stick of gum (unchewed, thank you) in my pocket awhile back. After all the abuse of jingling change, the gum couldn't handle the pressure and EXPLODED all over.

Keep on keeping on

2009-03-23T11:57:00.009-05:00

"The long run puts the tiger in the cat." --Bill Squires, marathon trainer

As many of you already know, I made a few New Year's resolutions in January. To update everyone on the status, and keep myself motivated, here's a little update:

Read books
I've taken certain liberties with this first one. Right now I'm reading The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde. Good so far. I've also been keeping up on my Time and New Yorker subscriptions, for the most part.

Other than that, I've become more familar with other forms of literature, including comic books. We'll blame Gregor. But don't laugh yet. I've read Watchmen, and became completely enveloped with the story. I focused so much on it, I was able to finish the whole book within a week, in time to see the movie in theaters. (Which I found mildly disappointing.) Also for Christmas, I got the beginning series of Y: The Last Man, about the only dude left alive after a plague wipes out everyone with a Y chromosome. It's written by Brian K. Vaughn; also one of the lead writers for the TV series, Lost. Reading Y is like watching an episode of a TV show, but you're actually reading. Awesome, and highly recommended.

Visit another country
Completed this last month with a trip down to Florida. Headed to Miami and took a short cruise over to the Bahamas. But even though I showed off my passport to customs, et al, it wasn't that gratifying -- no stamps! But my stepdad promises to remedy this by taking all of his and my mom's kids to Mexico next March.

Control my finances
Working on it. I'm still using mint.com, and it's come in handy to keep me on track (for the most part). I also write down every expense in my ledger, religiously. So, not only do I keep track of things going in and out of my account online, I record how much money comes out exactly when I spend it.

I just have to keep in mind summer's coming up; where I'll want to go to every Brewer game possible, along with camping trips, Summerfest, music concerts and cookouts. Gotta keep it frugal.

Participate in a marathon
My final, and most ambitious feat. (ooh, punz.) I promised myself I'd train hard for a half marathon first (13.1 miles compared to a full marathon at 23.2 miles), because I'VE NEVER RAN A LONG DISTANCE IN MY LIFE. No cross country, no 5Ks, no H.S. track.

Since beginning my training I've had bloody feet, blisters, caluses, shin splints, sores and aching muscles.

Up until recently, I had started falling off the training schedule. I struggled walking into the gym three times a week, not anticipating staring at myself in the mirror while I pushed through five miles on a treadmill. Ugh. It was mundane, boring, overdone.

But two weeks ago, I threw on some sweatpants, a long-sleeved shirt and my kicks, and decided to head outside. Only about 45 degrees, I immediately regretted the decision of not bundling up -- until I started running. And I kept running. I made it about 5 miles running, with another 2 miles totaled before and after, for a 7-mile loop.

I had never gone long distances outside, but figured I needed something to change it up. I didn't take for granted the fact that my scenery was changing. I wasn't just running in place, I was going somewhere. It felt amazing.

Then I did it again last Thursday. I planned out a loose trail to follow via mapmyrun.com for my long run of the week, and went to it. I ran a full 7 miles, with an additional 1.5 for warm-up and cooldown, totaling 8.5 miles. And I'm certain I experienced my first-ever real runner's high.

For the second time since I started training, at the end of my route I wanted to throw my hands up in the air and break through the finish line. I felt like I had accomplished something. This was bigger than me.

So, in the final stretch of training -- I know I won't compete professionally with some of those other runners -- my body has already done things I would've never even dreamed of. Here's to finishing up the last seven weeks of training.

On Wisconsin

2009-03-19T13:34:00.007-05:00

For some reason, I thought Wisconsin's slogan was always "Forward." But that's a motto. I don't know what the difference is.

Anyway, Governor Doyle, et al, enlisted a company to come up with a new state slogan for the Department of Tourism. What'd they come up with? This:

"Live like you mean it." It reminds me of a Killers song. And what's with that dude doing a cartwheel?

Creative? Not really. Catchy? Meh. Scrutinized by the public majority? Oh, you betcha.

Check out what Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel columnst Jim Stingl has to say about the new slogan:New state slogan raises ridicule to a sport.

What was wrong with the old one, "Life's so Good?" Why fix something that's not broken. Not that that one took much either. Besides, the Department of Tourism already laid off all of the meet-n-greeters at state border visitor centers.

But wait a tick -- this isn't the first time that slogan has been used. Back in 2005, Bacardi came up with a marketing scheme based on that same phrase. Fitting I suppose, since we're known as the state of drunks.

Here are a few examples of other potential slogans I've found on different message boards, or heard on the radio during "Kramp & Adler" on 102.1.

-Wisconsin: The other white state.
-Eat cheese or die.
-Wisconsin, where it's always windy because Minnesota blows and Michigan sucks.
-I love dairy air./Smell our dairy air.
-Honk if you love cheeses

And, my favorite:

-Wisconsin: the state shaped like an oven mit.

The last one

2009-03-18T08:39:00.005-05:00

Yesterday my friend Kim baked some delicious Irish Soda Bread for St. Patrick's Day.

I ran over as soon as she hit "send" on the email announcing her baked goodies to pick up a piece. But what struck me as odd happened about three hours later; the fact that there was still a slice sitting on top of the filing cabinet. Just one slice.

It happens a lot with food -- That last tasty nacho chip, the last bite of a sammich, the last slice of pizza. (Man, now I'm hungry.) But I've also seen it at stores. The last magazine on the shelf, or the last bottle of shampoo.

It seems like the last of anything is there for a reason. It's somehow tainted and has remained neglected by everyone else. What's wrong with it? Why doesn't anyone want it?

Oohooh that smell

2009-03-12T08:24:00.005-05:00

Few people are familiar with the unique landmarks Fort Atkinson has to offer. We have the world-famous Fireside Dinner Theater, where visitors can enjoy a delicious meal during a broadway show; Nasco, a manufacturer of educational materials, arts, crafts and farm equipment; and the National Dairy Shrine (right across from my house!).

You must be thinking, "Gee, what else could Fort Atkinson possibly have?"

Let me tell you.

Along with all those glorious attractions, Fort has all those beat with one little subsidiary of a manufacturing plant. For McCain frozen foods. Along with preparing and cooking things like french fries, tater tots, Aromatic Thai Corn, Rising Crust Pizzas and Old South juice concentrates, they have one item that trumps them all: onion rings.

I'm not saying in terms of delicious. I won't argue that onion rings are any better or worse than tater tots, or aromatic Thai corn. I'm arguing in terms of the rank production smell factor.

Generally, the stench doesn't get too foul until mid-summer. Some days, you can't smell a thing unless you're driving right past. And sometimes, it's just like the smell of cooking onion rings -- which is delicious for about 20 minutes. After smelling it for five hours, it becomes nauseating.

But on days like today (even though it's 20 degrees), when the wind's just right, a stronger onion-y aroma envelopes the town. And by onion-y aroma, I mean it smells like a bear got into a patch of onions, ate every last one, and shit himself while walking around the entire city.

Ride on

2009-03-11T11:46:00.005-05:00

I knew it was going to happen. My baby would grow up. So, on my way to Milwaukee last Friday I figured I'd be ready, camera phone in hand, for the big moment. My Shaniqua was going to hit her 100,000-mile mark.

But on our way to Germantown last Saturday to see The Toys, I realized she was going to do it for Gregor instead. YOUUU BITCH.

Good thing I was sitting in the front, so I could document the action anyway. Kind of.

PROOF!

I bought my black 2003 Toyota Camry, a.k.a. Shaniqua, in October 2006. She had about 75,000 miles. With the exception of replacing the battery and tires, she's been pretty low maintenance. Of course, I still get routine oil changes and tire rotations, plus check the fluids, car washes regularly, etc. If I'm good to her, maybe she'll return the favor.

On average, car owners put about 10,000 miles per year. I'd say I'm right on track, and since Toyotas stay on the road for an average of 900,000 miles (give or take?), I'd say I've got years to go with her.

Stand by... for news

2009-03-09T11:31:00.006-05:00

Back when I was a young tyke, my mom helped my brother and I avoid sweltering Milwaukee summers, where we'd inadvertently be stuck inside, blasting AC and watching TV. She sent us to stay with our grandparents each summer on the lake in Door County.

Every day at lunch, my grandpa turned on his beige Bose stereo to the local radio station, WDOR, tuning in to hear radio news broadcaster Paul Harvey announce and discuss the day's headlines.

After the announcement for News and Comment, "This is Paul Harvey (pregnant pause)... stand by for news!" we didn't say much at the table. Everyone sat facing the radio as we ate and listened -- sometimes my grandpa would grumble or make some comment. Otherwise, we willingly obliged to keep the noise down.

We even kept quiet during the commercials, which Harvey read with the same enthusiasm and voice inflection as the news. The one I remember most was Bose radio; which is why I'm sure my grandpa had one too.

Harvey had a distinct voice, and announced with clear pronunciation. Although he was pretty conservative; from what I remember, he still broadcast the news without a noticeable bias (Then again, I was only eight). Harvey had a way of explaining what was going on with the rest of the world, and helped me appreciate that I wasn't so isolated stuck in a cottage near a lake in northeastern Wisconsin -- even if he was thousands of miles away.

I think it's also why to this day I like hearing news on the radio (like NPR) instead of watching it. At eight years old, I didn't understand how adults could sit through an entire half hour of local news on TV. What about Tail Spin and Duck Tales? But I still listened to Paul Harvey.

In the afternoons, we had to keep the TV down, go outside, or keep quiet in the kitchen, so grandpa could listen to Harvey's The Rest of the Story. Since the show broadcast at 3 PM -- snack time! --, I'd sometimes opt to sit in front of the radio with grandpa with my two gingersnaps or some juicy slices of watermelon.

I liked The Rest of the Story program more, because each segment focused on a certain person, place or thing. They were short interest-pieces, with a twist at the end, where Harvey would finish with "And now you know, the rest of the story." (See: News and Comment is to New York Times, as The Rest of the Story is to Time magazine.)

Last Sunday, February 28, Paul Harvey passed away. He started broadcasting on April 1, 1951, and continued up until a week before he died. He was 91 years old.

Down by da beach, boii

2009-03-04T08:23:00.006-06:00

Stock photo. I forgot my camera at home.
So, Gregor and I took a long weekend to spend a few days down south in the Caribbean. Gorgeous weather, beautiful sand beaches, salty sea water, ample people-watching and a visit to Chadley made the trip complete.

Twenty things I took away from the trip:

1. Black women love Carlton, and subsequently, Gregor. White people think that Carlton is MLK Jr.
2. Cruises attract more foreigners than you think. We heard at least a dozen different languages in three days.
3. If you go on a cruise, get a window or a porthole in your room. Mirrors are sufficient in tricking you into thinking you're in a bigger room than you are, but they don't make good substitutes for real light, so you don't know what time it is when you wake up.
4. Stingrays are scary motherfuckers.
5. I can't wait for summer.
6. While napping on the beach, move magazines and other reading materials away from you. Heat and sweat make the ink stick to your face like a temporary tattoo if you fall asleep on them. Oops.
7. 1 nautical knot = 1.8 km. (1 mi = 2.2 km)
8. Small children speaking a different language is pretty much the most adorable thing ever. Especially Italian or French.
9. I discovered my new profession: Haggling. (At the Straw Market in Nassau)
10. People watching is the best lazy sport ever, especially with Foster's oil cans and Stella Artois.
11. The more European, the smaller the swimsuit. (Dudes, too. Especially dudes.)
12. Made of Honour is probably the most terrible movie ever made.
13. Just because a chicken "club" sandwich is $24 doesn't mean it tastes amazing. Or actually has bacon on it. Rich bastards.
14. No one in Florida knows how to drive. NO ONE. Maybe it's because 92 percent of them are talking on cell phones at any given time.
15. Said driving made me become an increasingly aggressive driver. By that I mean white knuckled and swearing at everyone.
16. "All you can eat" really means all you can eat.
17. You'll have sea legs for at least 24 hours after getting off the boat.
18. Drug dealers in Nassau will try to sell to anyone by discreetly announcing "need some ganj... weed?" while they pass you on the street.
19. Cougars love wearing hot pink and singing along to classic rock covers.
20. No matter what the guy looks like, the chick he's with is always hot. We think it's cuz their European, or rich. Or both.

And... Coco loco, yummy yummy!

Mixing business and pleasure

2009-02-23T07:56:00.004-06:00

I remember the first time I heard about Facebook -- the summer before my senior year of college. My friend Amanda, who went to UW-Oshkosh, told me I should join. I hopped online and went to the site. I couldn't for the life of me figure out how in the hell to sign up. Turns out, UW-Stevens Point hadn't even been added to the list of FB-friendly colleges yet.

Back in 2005, the networking site was set up solely for college students; and not even all universities had the luxury of joining. Profiles were limited. Customization was non-existent. Members had a place for their picture, a wall for friends to send public messages to, and a section to fill out basic personal info like interests, movies and quotes.

As the networking site expanded, so did its members. Now, more and more people are joining Facebook. First with the addition of high schools, then expanding to the entire interactive community. That's all well and good, but what do you do when acquaintances at work, or professionals from your industry request to be your friend.

I never personally seek out anyone on Facebook. If I went to high school with you -- we'll leave it at that. No offense, but if we haven't talked in eight years, and barely conversed in high school, what do you think we have to discuss now? I don't care if you're "shopping at the mall!!!" or "have an aweful cold." Those everyday things can be left to your real friends.

In order to limit my invasion of privacy, I've severely limited my information posted online. I still have pictures up from drunken debacles in college, or family holidays. But, only about 30 people can see that information. If you can, consider yourselves lucky. If you can't -- don't be offended. The only way you know about those pictures is by that stupid newsfeed anyway. Not many people actually log on with the intention of looking at my personal page. If they do, they have full access anyway.

I'm reluctant to add friends by request too. Lately, more and more people from work add me to Facebook. My publisher, sales reps, cube neighbors... where do I draw the line?

I already set up the "Limited Profile" section, but to avoid embarrassing or more personal information from leaking out at work, I set up a "Work Profile" for people whom I hardly talk with, or have even had a conversation in person.

If you're not my friend, my picture and networks don't even show up.

A couple months ago, my editor decided to join Facebook. Once he established himself in the interactive community, he knew I was familiar with the site and came to me wondering how we could get our two magazines more face time with younger readers.

I was initially excited -- then reluctant. I set up Fan Pages for both magazines, added links to all the back issues, video of tool reviews and product previews, listed upcoming events. But that meant I also had to be a fan.

The Fan Pages are still a work-in-progress, but readers who are familiar with the networking site are becoming fans of our magazines.

It's a double-edged sword. The project itself has become my baby. And it looks good to integrate different communication mediums for our readers. But now, the lines are blurred.

So don't take it personally, this is strictly professional. If I don't know you, I just don't want to be your friend.

Meet Julio

2009-02-19T08:36:00.008-06:00

My step-dad George is a pretty unique character.

Whenever he eats fast food, he gets the kid's meal so he can save the toys and give them away for Halloween, instead of candy. He has mated and attempted to sell a litter of his and my mom's Yorkie's puppies, always buys random crap from HSN (with the help of my mom), and frequently pushes for vacations to Vegas or Mexico.

He once seriously considered buying an alpaca farm. Yeah, those.

He bought 500,000 in Iraqi Dinar -- maybe about $500 US -- to give away as Christmas presents two years ago to all the kids and family.

So last year, circa June 2008, when my mom told me George was trying to grow avocado plants from leftover pits, I didn't think much of it. Just another crazy idea.

But it worked.

He submerged three pits in separate glasses of water. They sat for two months, until finally they split open and roots formed. My mom transplanted each to their own pot.

So without further ado (or, adieu?)... allow me to introduce you to the newest member of my plant family. Meet Julio!

Julio!

Notice though, how his leaves are starting to shrivel? They grow too big and start to brown and shrink up as new leaves grow on top. Julio's getting to big for his britches.

On the market, fo' FREE!

In the next week, I plan to move Julio to a bigger, better pot. It's like moving from an overstuffed trailer to a $1.2 million estate.

"I'm gonna be disss big!"

Then, he'll be able to grow into a real boy, err, tree. Maybe he'll even bear me some fruit.

Penny pinching

2009-02-17T11:14:00.007-06:00

In an effort to save money, I've discovered some ways to stave off the spending demons.

Over the last six weeks, I've stuck to my guns (for the most part), and held back on wasting away my entire paycheck on frivolous crap. After about week four I started to get antsy, and thought my impulses might get the best of me. But I'm slowing finding ways to keep a balance between living like a homeless person and Kim Kardashian.

(Blatant props to Gregor for the majority of these tricks. If not for suggesting, at least for guiding me to come up with these frugal ideas.)

1. Look for sales.
Simple enough, right?
When I go grocery shopping, I now make it a point to write lists before I go. I don't always get a chance to check out the ads before heading to the store, but I'll still make sure to include the necessities (eggs, milk, bananas, etc.). Everyone needs fruits and veggies, but why not stock up on the cheaper stuff? 5-lb. bag of grapefruit one week, Golden Delicious apples the next. Variety is the spice of life anyway. Along with that, I make sure to cover the other basic food groups. Protein? cottage cheese and peaches, or tuna and crackers. Dairy? Yogurt or string cheese. But it's whatever I find on sale.

2. Take lunch to work.
If you eat fast food 3x a week, that can add up to $15 by Friday. I could buy a loaf of bread, sammich meat, lettuce, string cheese and a bag of apples for less than that, and it'll feed me the whole week. Plus, it's better for you.

3. Use what you've got.
I have a ton of shit in my pantry. I mean, some of that stuff expired in June 2008 (Hello, sugar-free caramel ice cream topping. WTF was I thinking). Why not make some crazy concoctions. I have tons of spices, flour, mac n' cheese, granola bars, oatmeal. Everything. Instead of buying more crap, why not eat what I've got? With all these ingredients, I'm also starting to expand my cooking horizons. For instance, I used up the week-old mushrooms in my fridge by adding olive oil, balsamic, garlic powder and thyme, then boiled some noodles. Voila.
On the list this week? Chad's PB cookies. I have every single ingredient in my cupboard already.

4. Shop consciously.
I've taken a few trips to clothing stores since Jan. 1; but I've done better than before. Instead of buying something just because it's on sale, I'll think "Do I really need that?" and "How many times will I wear it?" I'm a jeans and T-shirt kinda gal, so I'll generally go for the basics anyway. Places like TJMaxx (think the Big Lots equivalent to Wal-Mart) offer everything from suits and ties for dudes, to Express jeans and name-brand purses for ladies, all liquidated or discontinued from top-of-the-line stores. For at least half the price. Also check out Goodwill or other thrift stores. Besides some clothing, I've found crock pots and dishes, plus decorations for my apartment.
Also, starting in the next couple of months, people are going to start spring cleaning. You know what that means? Rummage SALES.

5. Take what you can fo' free.
Here's one example from today. I keep a filing cabinet full of important papers (insurance, bank statements, etc.) that needed expanding. I bought a new cabinet this weekend -- but why buy more folders and tags? Instead, I headed for my office's paper graveyard. Tons of magazines throw out and reorganize their info all the time, so they're constantly getting rid of hanging folders, manila folders, binders, etc. Now I'm just giving them a new home.

Also, I've been looking to replace my refreezable ice packets for my lunch since mine started leaking. On my way back to my cube, I came across a table full of free stuff. People were trying to get rid of vases and Tupperware containers. There I found some still-packaged Rubbermaid Blue-Ice re-freezable packets. Hot damn!

6. Turn off the lights.
This'll be a tough one when the time comes. Right now, I don't pay for heat or electricity. Or water. Hell, the only bill I have besides my chintzy cable is rent. Once I move out of my lavish apartment, I'll have to start being more conscientious about my consumption. For now though, I'll let that be my one luxury.

That's what I've learned so far. Got any other tips?

Thems the banks...

2009-02-12T08:49:00.009-06:00

Rant #2 for the week. SRY.

Read this first: Associated Bank plans its own fiesta after bailout party.

That's right, Wisconsin's own Associated Bank has joined the list of bailout offenders to use federal aid to send 100 employees on a vacation TO A RESORT IN PUERTO RICO.

WTF.

President and CEO of Associated Bank, Paul Beidemann justified not canceling the trip by saying these "top performers" deserved to go, namely because the bank still pulled a profit last quarter.

Wait a tick; I thought I read you received $525 million from the federal government. That's millions of dollars of taxpayers money, being spent for bank employees to spend more than a week drinking watered-down daiquiris and getting sunburnt.

I'm not saying that employees shouldn't be rewarded for a job well done; but there's a time and a place. Give them a weekend getaway to a waterpark in GB, or a $100 gift certificate to Best Buy.

As a preferred stock holder and past employee of the company, I'm a little sore. As far as I'm concerned, the bank has two options:

#1. Take me on a vacation to Puerto Rico too. Or,
#2. Let me sell my stock for the price I initially paid, so I can stop supporting such an inept business.

Throw away your television

2009-02-11T09:12:00.006-06:00

As some of you might know, Congress passed a law pushing back the DTV Transition conversion date from Feb. 17 to June 12. What this means is television stations broadcasting in analog will be forced to switch to digital no later than that date. If you want to know more, visit www.dtv.gov.

I'm not going into the differences, or the benefits of either type of broadcasting. Strictly speaking from a societal perspective, postponing the inevitable is just a damn silly idea.

The government has already spent millions of dollars on marketing to notify Americans of the change. Commercial after amateur-quality commercial has littered local stations for the past 18 months. Broadcasters have been advising viewers that they need to make sure they have one of the following:

1. Cable/Dish. If you already have an auxiliary jack flowing precious sitcom after sitcom to your TV, you're fine.

2. A TV that accepts digital broadcasts. I know some retailers have taken advantage of this, but they were forced to put up signs advising customers about the switch, and which TVs support the switch, sometime back in late 2007.

3. A digital conversion box. These are available at retailers too. And, the government will provide you a voucher for reimbursement.

One of the issues pushing the law back was the fact that the government is having trouble reimbursing vouchers for the $40 conversion boxes eligible to every American household. Fine. Hand them out for free then.

The fact is, only your grandma doesn't have cable; and you've probably already gone over to her house to set up her digital conversion box, or brand-new 42" HDTV with a remote she'll think is a telephone.

If by God's grace and having your head stuck up your ass for the last year and a half, you haven't heard the news, you will when you don't get a signal on your TV.

You've already been watching that much TV, so you must have seen the commercials. You should be prepared. I don't want to hear it. Stop wasting time and spending my hard-earned money to cater to a couch-potato society.

Tender tootsies

2009-02-09T10:16:00.007-06:00

This weekend, I took the extra step in preparing for my future as a mediocre marathon runner. I bought running shoes.

A work colleague who runs marathons frequently suggested stopping at a custom shoe-fitting store for runners. He buys his shoes at "Fleet Feet" in Madison. Gregor and I headed to the Brookfield location out of convenience, so they could evaluate my feet and figure out how to stop the shin splints and prevent unnecessary injury while I train.

I sat down, and took off my shoes. My main concern was not knowing if the shoes I tried on would do the trick. I didn't want to drop part of my tax refund on something I could pick up at Foot Locker for half the price.

Rusty, part-owner of Fleet Feet, first measured my feet to determine my shoe size. I already knew my left foot was a half size bigger, at a size 10. He also determined that my feet were extremely flat, and that my arches must have fallen years ago.

And I have bunions. Now, that sounds more disgusting than it really is. I just don't like the word. It's like saying moist. Ugh.

Anyway, they are a joint deformity between the foot and the big toe, where the joint gets bigger and can push the toes together.

It's part what kind of shoes I wear. But, I can blame my parent's genes. He said however my mom's feet look, that's probably how mine will end up. Yikes. Except, with proper footwear, it shouldn't get as bad.

After that, I walked across the store and Rusty determined I pronate when I walk. I don't really know what that means. He showed me per a fake foot model how my bones move when I'm walking, and subsequently, running. He found a couple pair of shoes to try on. I needed a separate pad with extra arch support too.

Trying on the second pair, I then went outside to test and run with the Saucony's and realized that my feet did feel better. It felt like the shoes were an extension of my foot, and I could tell my heels and arches had more support.

I also bought some Technical socks, and The Stick to use before and after runs. It massages your legs and helps break up lactic acid build-up in your muscles. Plus it feels effing amazing, and already helped get knots out of my calves.

I still have to break in the shoes, and the extra foot pads, but I'm on the right track.

That leaves me one step closer to my goal set for the Green Bay half marathon on May 17. I'm still raising money too. Even if you donate $5, it'll help me reach and exceed my goal of $300. Plus, the money goes to support my hometown's charities (Boys & Girls Club, Salvation Army and Cerebral Palsy Inc.). To give, click here. I bet you can probably go without Subway for lunch one day this week.

All you can eat?!

2009-02-04T08:38:00.007-06:00

Disclaimer: I haven't read Chelle's post yet -- if she has one up -- in case it's about the same thing.

Since filing our taxes last week and realizing we'd be bumped to the next tax bracket with the $$$ from our returns, Chelle and I decided we could afford the luxury of eating out one day this week for lunch. What better place to spend $6.50 than Fort's famous China Buffet.

So I've compiled a list of pros and cons for AYCE dining here. Without further ado...

PRO: Duh. All you can eat.
Some might consider this a con, but as a lover of all food, everywhere, I disagree. You get the choice of anything on the menu -- and as much as you want. I usually start with a salad to make myself feel good. Then, I head for the main course with rice, teriyaki chicken, steamed broccoli, eggrolls. Finished up by a full plate of crab rangoon. Which are no doubt the worst thing up there for you.

CON: Herds.
Have you ever been to Golden Corral? It's the largest buffet-style restaurant I've ever eaten at. ONCE. It's the equivalent of rounding up 10's of 100's of obese Americans, forcing them to stand single file, waiting to eat out of a trough. We hit upCB during the lunch rush, but it wasn't that terrible.

PRO: Free drinks.
Free hot tea. Soda if you like.

CON: Sanitation.
...or lack thereof? (Again, CB isn't as bad as other places.)
Imagine how many indecisive eaters find a food, scoop it to their plate, then decide it's a no-go. Another example: I opted for a full plate of crab rangoon for dessert, instead of ice cream. Why? Because the ice cream spoon sits in a metal bowl of cloudy, tepid water for self-service scooping. Why don't we all just lick the fucking thing instead?

PRO: It's cheap.
For a sit-down meal, and personal waitstaff attention, it doesn't get much better.

PRO: FRANCH dressing.
Sometimes foreign people misspell things on accident. Exhibit A -- French dressing. In honor, I decided to use french and ranch to create their crazy blend. (Have a nice fright!)

CON: Bathrooms.
Circa June 2007, I couldn't wait until getting back to work before relieving myself. That was the first and only time I entered their bathrooms. I'm sure there have been coat hanger abortions and knife fights in there. At the same time.

PRO: Other than that... Appearance.
The rest of the place, besides the WC and the ice cream scoops, are pretty clean at CB. They're really good about refilling, and making sure the food looks presentable.

CON: The people.
Fort's finest choose buffets as a means to cover all five food groups in one meal. Or are there six now?

PRO: Fortune cookies!
You have to crack them open and eat them first, before reading your fortune.
"You will be fortunate in everything you put your hands on." ...in bed.

I'd give this visit a B+. For less than $10, we made a pretty awesome decision.

Dealing with Uncle Sam

2009-01-29T09:38:00.007-06:00

I'm sure almost everyone has received their necessary tax forms over the last month. That includes W-2s, 1099-DIVs, 1099-INTs and 1098 something-or-others for mortgages. Not to mention student loan forms for debt, or forms if you contribute to your HSA, 401k and IRAs after Jan. 1.

Now you have until April 15 to gather all those forms, fill out the information, and file your taxes. Ugh.

I already filed my taxes; which was motivated by the fact that I knew I was getting a return for both state and federal. This year, I only had two forms: one W-2 and one 1099-DIV. That's IT. Total time I'll never get back: 45 minutes. But I'm DONE!

I have three reasons why I can appreciate my situation as an adult come tax season:

#1.) My mom taught me how to file my taxes.
Since I started getting W-2s, she's been there to help me figure out how to fill out the proper paperwork for state and federal taxes. Up until about three years ago, she filed everything by hand. (It's a bitch, don't do it.) I opted to file my taxes online. She insisted I read every page and all the directions, to make sure I didn't skip anything.

#2.) I've been filing my own taxes since I was 18 years old.
I've been employed since the age of 14, but because I didn't work that much for most of middle school and high school, the government kept their hands off most of my money. You're only required to file a tax return if you make more than a certain amount. Even if you don't meet that requirement, you can still opt to file if you think you'll get money back. Or, if you want to pay because they didn't take out enough. But that'd be damn foolish.

#3.) I worked at a bank for more than two years.
A call center to be more exact, and it was bitch come tax season. From mid-January until the end of April, people would call about forms they received, how much interest they earned, and how to file taxes. We couldn't help with the last one -- you're supposed to talk to a tax advisor. But, we had hours of training on what forms go with what accounts, and when people receive certain tax forms for savings accounts, HSAs, 401Ks, IRAs and CDs, or some loans.

Still have to file? Here are a few tips:

-Make sure you have ALL of the proper forms and information before getting started. That means W-2s, even from PT jobs (Did you work for a lawn service for two months last summer? Get paid for some after-school program with kids?); interest earned on stock dividends and savings accounts (But only if it's more than 10.00); and student loan forms. You'll need your SSN, and bank account and routing number too, if you opt for direct deposit.

-If you're getting a refund, go with direct deposit. You'll get your money in about 7-10 days, instead of 4-6 weeks.

-Most people don't have to worry about itemizing deductions on your return. That'll usually happen if you've collected a lot of unemployment over the year, own a house or make a shit-ton of money. But either way, many filing programs can help you with both.

-You have to file your federal taxes before your state.

-The most important: File online -- FOR FREE.
No matter what they say, most people don't have to pay to have your taxes done. If you made less than $56,000 in 2007, even better.
Go to irs.gov and answer some questions about your financial status. The site then automatically redirects you to one of many free tax filing service sites most suitable for you. I've been using H&R Block for the last three years.

-Do NOT pay an additional charge on the federal site you use, to file your state taxes. You can pay $30 for convenience, or spend another 20 minutes filing on a separate site. Just google your state and "free file" or "e-z file". Wisconsinites can go to www.revenue.wi.gov.

Black tongue

2009-01-27T08:31:00.004-06:00

Last night I splurged while grocery shopping and bought some new coffee. (And I STILL stuck to my food budget for the week.) Well, really it was Roundy's brand. And it wasn't any special flavor or anything. It's "Venetian" or something like that, described as spicy with dark chocolate undertones. Whatever, it's coffee. But that's besides the point.

Anyway, since I haven't made my own coffee in well over two weeks, I was really excited to brew my own pot.

Measured by sight, I dumped some ground coffee into a filter, filled up the pot and pushed "start." MMMM, I don't even have to drink the stuff... just the smell is enough to wake me up.

Carrying on with my morning routine, I chop up veggies, started my omelet and cut my grapefruit. But oh, the anticipation. The overwhelming aroma! The ultimate complement to any breakfast.

I couldn't take it anymore. Once done brewing, I poured a steaming hot cup into my favorite chipped-handle mug, added some creamer, and took a huge gulp.

Many will tell you my tolerance for hot drinks is impeccable, but MY GOD. Instead of java bliss, my entire mouth experienced a scalding sensation. This wasn't coffee, it was boiling lava blistering my tongue and gums.

After swishing ice-cold water, I waited another five minutes before eating breakfast and drinking the rest of my coffee. Except I didn't enjoy it, because I couldn't taste anything. I still can't taste anything.

Sushi Ota

2009-01-21T20:54:00.005-06:00

I first had sushi maybe three years ago. I was pretty apprehensive about eating raw fish. Plus, I refused to eat any kind of seafood until well into college, because I thought fish, crab, or any other thing that came out of water was disgusting. It's downright not true. Plus, there are tons of cooked options at sushi joints, and servers are more than happy to answer any questions.

Since moving to Fort, my neighbor/co-worker/friend Lisa, reintroduced me by obsessing over it's deliciousness. On top of that, I travel to the west coast more often, and they have fresh shit everywhere. And, it's absolutely tasty.

Because I'm hanging out in San Diego for the week, I figured I'd take advantage of #1.) Free food, and #2.) west coast fresh seafood. But the potential downside? Eating by yourself.

Now, you might be thinking, "Duh Erica, just eat some McDonalds. Go to In-N-Out Burger. Order room service."

I say to you: "NO!.. Don't be ridiculous. I can eat whatever I want. I have waitstaff come to my beckon call. I can order whatever suites my fancy. I can drink wine. FO' FREE." And so on, so forth.

Besides, I've learned to deal with myself, while eating... with myself. My companion? A good book.

So, on this warm, breezy evening in San Diego, I ventured to the place I had scoped out and anticipated for the entire trip: Sushi Ota.

I read reviews on my favorite restaurant site, tripadvisor.com. (Tangent: I love love love writing about food and voicing my opinion on what I think people should try out in a particular city. This site is the perfect outlet to shamelessly advertise the places I deem worthy of your dime.) That's where I found out Sushi Ota was rated number one on a list of thousands of restaurants in the San Diego area.

Before venturing to Sushi Ota, I went through their specialities, and found an awesome site to decipher that crazy Japanese terminology. I took a look at the menu, knowing that I wanted to try something with hamachi (yellowtail), hirami (flatfish, like flounder) or maguro (tuna!)... but I also like getting specialty rolls, because the sushi chefs usually make some pretty rockin' combinations.

With some research (on this site, and subsequently, others...) I found out that this is the place that Japanese-Americans go for authentic Japanese cuisine. I also learned not to be put out by the fact that the business itself was in a strip mall, or that it was small with minimal decor. That doesn't affect how amazing the food is.

I also found out it's best to make a reservation. So I did. For one.

A two-block stroll from my hotel, I ventured over about 6 PM (PST time -- a little late for my usual din).

My server, Saori, took my order for some water and a glass of Pino Grigio.

When you order sushi, the hostess gives you a menu, a sheet of paper and a pencil, so you can mark down which sushi rolls you want.

I started with a bowl of miso soup. I usually get miso, because it's a great starter that puts me in the mood for sushi. I think it's a vegatable base. Add some tofu, scallions and seaweed, and voila!

Not five minutes into my soup, and my sushi came prepared and plated -- on what looked like a raised wooden cutting board.

I ordered a tempura roll and maguro sushi. Tempura means deep-fried. Which means, tempura means delicious. This roll had tempura shrimp, with crab, avocado and cucumber. The maguro sushi came as two pieces of raw lean tuna on top of balls of rice. (In Japan, "sushi" actually refers to the rice part of what you're eating. Sashimi is the raw fish by itself.)

When plated, the chef always makes sure to put a dollup of wasabi and a pile of fresh ginger on the sushi plate. I love eating ginger inbetween each piece of sushi. Supposedly, it cleans your palate.

After enjoying this wide range of delicious foods, I decided to venture out and try something new. I decided on dessert, and chose green tea ice cream.

Saori took the order, but then asked if I wanted mochi. "What's that?"

She explained that the green tea ice cream would just have rice cake wrapped around it.

Sign me up.

Three minutes later, out came a square plate, with a rounded ball of what looked like uncooked sugar cookie dough with a hint of green, served with a tiny, three-fingered fork.

In retrospect, I'd let it sit for about 5-10 minutes to warm up... it brings out the flavor.

But my god, it was fantastic. The inside ice cream tasted like cold, frozen, sweetened green tea -- Hansen's specialty flavor of ice cream? -- wrapped in a sweet, doughy layer of sugar.

I sat and read for another 20 minutes, finishing up my glass of wine. I'd say this place definitely stands up to the hype. So, here's my shameless promotion of a great restaurant, with exceptional service and fantastic food. Bon Apetite.

Growing up -- #1: Keys

2009-01-19T11:40:00.000-06:00

If my keys were thrown into a pile of other keys -- it wouldn't be a needle in a haystack; I could find them with my eyes closed.

Last week, I found a new keychain for my keys. I picked it up at a trade show a few months back, I'm sure... but I realized it'd be nice to have a hook to keep my keys safe when I'm flying, or hang them up when I get home. As I twisted the ring around the set of keys, I realized how much they keep changing...

I've had the same keychain of Constipated Bob since I was 14 years old. (It's actually one of those McDonald's Tamagatchi Happy Meal toys I stole when I worked there, in middle school.)

He suited my house key well. I felt like an adult, with the responsibility of not losing something that unlocked my house door. Plus, I could tell which keys were mine. That little guy's gone everywhere with me since then.

Over the years, I've placed and replaced different emblems, vacation souvenirs and band paraphernalia on my keychain, as a definition of myself. As I got older, I realized it's not necessary to have bright, bulky, noisemakers to lug everywhere. Now I have necessities.

CB stuck for nostalgia... but now I've got grown up things. The keycards to my office, gym and the library. My electronic car key remote. The Leinie's bottle opener I won when I took a tour of their brewery.

Over the years, even the keys have changed. I've had employer's service doors, shitty cars, dorm rooms, keycards and countless apartment keys attached.

I've always had the door to my mom's house. But, now I also have Michelle's shamrock spare, the Camry, and three apartment keys (WHY?!#).

Maybe soon I'll have keys to my brand new 2009 CTS-V. Or a Fiat 500.

Music week: Favorites

2009-01-16T09:15:00.005-06:00

You’ve made it! As a reward for getting through all the lists, I’m giving you a Friday treat: I’ve supplied some “best of the best,” IMHO. What better way to end out the week than with the songs I like the most – all around. Here’s a fine collection of music I can listen to anytime, anywhere – cleaning the apartment, reading, writing, drawing, sitting at work. They suit any occasion.

Once you listen to the songs on this list (and the others lists, too), you’ll probably realize that I’m drawn to vocals. It’s not the lyrics – although those can be catchy and fun to sing in some instances – but the talented voice. I see singers as not only the a frontman for a band, but another instrument that completes the group.

Most of these are more contemporary – as opposed to the hodge podge from yesterday’s list. And after finding the videos, I realized they’re half the fun. Enjoy!

1. Wraith Pinned to the Mist and Other Games - of Montreal
Of Montreal is fucking weird. I mean, look at this video. :D They add a bunch of different instruments, and sometimes can't maintain a consistent tempo throughout one song. But don't let that scare you with this one. Some of the other songs on The Sunlandic Twins take some getting used to, but this one's catchy from the get-go.

2. Milk - Kings of Leon
Now, bear with me. This is my favorite band, but there is no other song that showcases Caleb Followill’s vocals quite as much as this... because about 25 percent of the song has no other instrument, besides his voice. If you want to hear awesome guitars to accompany Caleb, try "McFearless" or, ooh, “Charmer” too, on KOLs Because of the Times.

3. Last Night - The Strokes
My favorite college band, I kind of played them out by listening to their albums incessantly. I picked a single, so you could all appreciate them. I can still tolerate this song and listen through the whole thing because I know all the lyrics, without hearing the song. Plus, good guitar solo in the middle.

4. I'll Believe In Anything - Wolf Parade
Like Clap Your Hands, Spencer Krug’s voice takes a little getting used to. But what can I say, I'm a sucker for vocalists (with good music to back them up).

5. Finally - The Frames
See the movie Once. That's all I have to say.

6. Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
This is the first song I've ever heard Karen O. sing. It makes me think she's not all tooth and nail -- and her singing doesn't just come from being pissed off, it's because she's got some aching too. Plus, listen to that guitar. And those fucking drums.

7. Golden Slumbers - The Beatles
Only one song from the Beatles you say? I tried to limit them on the list. I could probably make a Top Five of just Beatles songs for every category this week -- but I'll spare you. The Fab Four's known for merging songs together, so if you're listening to Abbey Road, you'll start with this, but make sure to listen to the two following tracks “Carry That Weight” and “The End.”

8. My Mathematical Mind - Spoon
I fell in love with Spoon about five years ago, after buying their album Gimme Fiction. This appreciation was only reinforced by the fact that the movie Stranger than Fiction offers an (almost?) exclusive Spoon soundtrack. This was the first song I would go back to and repeat two or three times before I even listened to the entire album.

9. Exit Music (From a Film) - Radiohead
Radiohead makes my top five all-time favorite bands. I like them particularly when I'm trying to do something creative, like write or draw. I chose this song mainly because of the crescendo at the end, so you have to listen to the whole thing. If the movie Children of Men ended at the extended long shot scene when he's carrying out the baby, this song would be playing.

10. Mansford Roof - Vampire Weekend
Their instruments sound like they should be playing from the 50s, but they somehow incorporate a modern sound too. I don't know how to define this band -- but I'll relate them closest to "The Strokes." Entire album is worth a listen.

Runner’s Up: 3rd Planet – Modest Mouse; Diamonds on the Soles of her Shoes – Paul Simon; Savior – Red Hot Chili Peppers; Get Myself Arrested – Gomez

Music week: Songs to escape with

2009-01-15T09:53:00.005-06:00

My extras. And, maybe some runner’s up from tomorrow’s favorites. Here’s an eclectic mix of music from all over. I’ve got some Cuban, some jazz, blues – even some country. Most of these songs remind me of something, or someone. Or they're just really amazing.

This mix itself could be listened to for most anything – I’d say the best would be a long drive, or extended road trip.

1. Let's Boogaloo - Willie Rosario
This reminds me of Dexter, mostly because it's got some Cuban drum beats and crisp horns. Ami ami a Miami. It also makes me really, really (REALLY) excited to go on vacation to Florida next month.

2. Equinox - John Coltrane
I like listening to him when I'm cooking, especially with wine. Love when the horn kicks in.

3. Kaya – Bob Marley
When I was younger and first moved to Green Bay with my mom, she bought this album. I was in fourth grade. We listened to it to and from school for at least three months straight (along with REO Speedwagon and Michael Bolton – but I won’t hold that against her.)

4. Seven Bridges Road - The Eagles
This song reminds me of my dad. He loved the Eagles, and he kicked ass at playing the guitar. The entire album Hell Freezes Over has got to be considered one of the top five live albums ever. Great harmonization and acoustic guitars in this song.

5. El Scorcho – Weezer
I might've put "Say It Ain't So," except for the simple fact that I've heard that song at least 455,755 times in my life. Don't get me wrong, it's a great song... but this one takes the cake. Off their best album, "Pinkerton" (less pop, more rock), this is a modern-day love song about a dude that just can't seem to tell the chick he likes, that he likes her. Aw.

6. The Lighthouse's Tale - Nickel Creek
Although I'm pretty impartial to country, and this family trio might be categorized as such -- I can still appreciate their folksy sound, harmonizing voices and crisp strings, including the ukulele they play in this song. Plus, based on MrB's response to country songs, this band's great at telling a story.

7. My My Hey Hey - Neil Young
I had to put something by Neil Young on this list, namely because any album of his defines autumn, especially Harvest. It has to be the melancholy vocals, and the flat notes he plays. Otherwise, try Live Rust too.

8. Walkin' After Midnight - Patsy Cline
Yeah, more country. But this is classic. Patsy Cline has an awesome, bluesy voice, with basic instrumentation to back her up. Nothing fancy.

9. Psycho Killer - Talking Heads
Start off with the bass, and bring in the drums. Strum the guitar and bring -- this guy? He sounds fucking crazy. Yeah, it's the name of the song. I try to sing along, and the chorus is catchy -- but it's the French that holds me up. No matter.

9.5. Fearless – Pink Floyd
(I cheated with the numbering system; what of it.)
Pretty mellow – but it fits Floyd’s standards. I’d say the hypnotic, repetitive guitar between the singing is really the chorus – if that makes sense. It’s not all dreary; there’s some subtle motivation in there too – if you listen to the lyrics.

10. Little Red Rooster – Howlin’ Wolf
Just listen to his voice. He’s straining to get it out of him. Howlin’ Wolf (a.k.a. Chester Arthur Burnett) also plays a mean (and I mean MEAN) guitar. Greats like Zeppelin, The Doors, Stevie Ray Vaughn, George Thorogood, Clutch and Soundgarden have all covered his music.

Runner’s up: Tangerine - Led Zeppelin; Sweet Jane – The Velvet Underground; Everybody Wants to Rule the World – Tears for Fears; She’s a Rainbow – Rolling Stones

Music week: Songs to drive by

2009-01-14T09:55:00.004-06:00

I can be an aggressive driver; which you might determine based on some of the selections in this list. But hear me out; the majority of these songs are based on a few criteria:
A. How excellent they sound when you roll the windows down.
B. Singability behind the wheel.
C. Loudness

And, yeah this too:
D. Aggressiveness if someone pisses me off.

At least I take it out by turning up my music, instead of getting out of my car and starting a fight.

1. Goin’ Up The Country - Canned Heat
Okay… Number one in the category. I’d say the flute really brings this one home. You need to listen to this song in late spring on a sunny day, with your windows rolled down and your arms out the window.

2. Red Morning Light - Kings of Leon
I FUCKING LOVE THIS BAND. I'm pretty sure this song was featured in a car commercial, but I don’t remember which one. One where the car flies around curves without discretion and throws up dust as it leaves you there. But if you listen to this when you're driving, you are that car.

3. The District Sleeps Alone Tonight - Postal Service
Add a little techno beat to some catchy lyrics and you've defined Postal Service. Deathcab's frontman displays his musical versatility with the entire album "Give Up." It's also pretty funny that UPS samples some of this band's songs, considering their name.

4. A Certain Romance - Arctic Monkeys
Another phenomenal Brit band, these guys are probably vulgar douchebags in real life, but they also kick ass. This is the first song I’ve ever heard from the band. I love singing it in a British accent – but it may take at least 10 times before you understand what in the hell he’s actually saying.

5. The Set Up (You Need This) - Reel Big Fish
I saw them my junior year of high school. Energy! Talent! So loud! It's my favorite song from "Why Do They Rock So Hard?" I like singing this song as loud as fucking possible, in hopes that the people around me won't necessarily think I'm weird, but absolutely crazy.

6. Waterfalls - TLC
Just for Michelle -- because nothing quite says driving 15 hours through California and Oregon like “Waterfalls,” with dancing and singing to boot. Especially when it's recorded via shitty camera video.

7. Thickfreakness - The Black Keys
A two-man band from Akron, this is the first song I'd ever heard from these guys. This album (same as the song title) is more raw (rawer?) than the ones that follow, and listening to the thing in its entirety helps when you're passing assholes on the road.

8. Excuse Me Mr. - No Doubt
Good for the highway. It's got a fast beat and catchy chorus. Plus, I like the 1850s-burlesque bridge with the piano and jazz horn.

9. Crosstown Traffic - Jimi Hendrix
Check the title. Plus, it's Hendrix. No question, there's great guitar -- but even though he still jams it's more controlled, and stays with the faster tempo. Great for cruising on a highway.

10. Longview - Green Day
From my favorite band in high school, you can't really do what this song's about while you're driving.

Runner’s Up: Let The Cool Goddess Rust Away - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah; Blinded By The Light – Manford Mann’s Earth Band; Drive My Car - The Beatles; Bad Habit - The Offspring

Music week: songs to work by

2009-01-13T08:30:00.007-06:00

While I'm sitting in my cube, I like a more mellow mix of music to listen to while I'm responding to emails and writing up stories. Plus, it helps drowned out the obnoxiously loud sales calls and people on the phone around me.

These songs also work well for background music around the house, or for artistic inspiration for writing or drawing on my own time.

1. Parasite - Nick Drake
If I chose one acoustic artist to listen to from here on out, it’d be Nick Drake. I first heard him on the Garden State soundtrack and thought, "Wow, this guy's great. He's probably a small act... maybe he'll be at Summerfest, or some other music festival." Guess what -- he's from the early 1970s. He made a post mortem comeback only because VW decided to use the title track of his album "Pink Moon" for a car commercial a few years ago. He plays clean acoustic with a unique voice.

2. The Wolves (Act I and II) - Bon Iver
Anything by Bon Iver (His real name's Justin Vernon) is phenomenal; but also really mellow. He recorded his entire debut album on his own in the northwoods of Wisconsin. After that album "For Emma Forever Ago" was released, he gained international acclaim, and even made the Top 100 albums of the year according to Rolling Stone.

3. Cigarettes - Russian Red
I can't find that much out about her, but she has an amazing voice. She's originally from Spain, and every site I find with information on her is in Spanish, but she sings in English. Hmm.

4. Tiny Vessels - Deathcab for Cutie
The crescendo at the end of this song makes it a little louder for work, but it still keeps a slow tempo. Most Deathcab can distract me from the bustle sometimes going on outside my fabric walls.

5. Ada - The National
Great piano, and with Matt Berringer's soothing baritone voice, it helps drowned out any other crap going on around the office.

6. The General - Dispatch
I first heard this song my freshman year of college when a guy opted to play it on his guitar as his final project for Philosophy 110. I don't really know what his reason was, but I immediately went back to my dorm and downloaded the song, along with any other Dispatch song I could get my hands on.

7. The Breeze - Dr. Dog
Listen to this if you need to calm down. If you close your eyes and relax for a few minutes, you'll feel much better.

8. Sun It Rises - Fleet Foxes
My favorite new band of 2008. I usually listen to the entire album at work. This is the first track, and a great introduction to the CSNY-esque band.

9. Stranger Things Have Happened - Foo Fighters
Thanks to Gregor, I've been introduced to more Foo -- and I'm not complaining. I usually associate them with a rich, louder rock sound, but I knew they had a greater capacity when I heard the acoustic version of Times Like These a few years ago. This is my favorite song from their new album Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace.

10. Take it Back - She & Him
Remember when Zooey Deschanel sang in the movie Elf? Well, she really can sing. She collaborated with M. Ward to form She & Him, which released their first album Volume One early last year. Sounds a little like something you might here on the radio in the 1970s.

Runner's Up: Sea of Love - Cat Power; Innocent Bones - Iron & Wine

Music week: Songs to sweat by

2009-01-12T11:44:00.004-06:00

Update: I've added YouTube links to the songs, so you'll get an idea of what they sound like.

The first installment of Music Week involves the songs I listen to when I'm working out (they work as a secondary soundtrack to cleaning the apartment too).

I need loud music with a consistent beat to keep rhythm while I run, or work out in general. I can change my pace with these songs while keeping up with the beat, and still enjoy the music whether I’m outside or at the gym. It’s also one of the few times you’ll catch me listening to rap or techno.
1. List of Demands (Reparations) - Saul Williams
I first heard this song on a Nike commercial, and refused to rest until I found out who sang it. I mean, it has a fitness apparel commercial endorsement. If that's not enough to motivate you, you might be dead.

2. Hysteria - Muse
Not only does this song kick ass on Rockband, it also gives me motivation to run faster. The beat changes up a little, but the tempo always stays on track for keeping a great pace when I'm running. Awesome, gritty guitar with altered vocals.

3. I'm Me - Lil' Wayne
It’s rap. And, it’s Lil’ Wayne. Both I can only take so much of, but this guy’s arrogant, better-than-thou lyrics go along with the consistent beat to create a more-than-tolerable workout song. A little slower than some hip-hop, I find it hard to skip this song because I can sing along too.

4. Black Tongue - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Karen O. can rock, and she sounds like an angry bitch. On top of that, drums keep the beat with more distorted guitar.

5. Smack My Bitch Up - Prodigy
Along with Daft Punk, Prodigy usually offers some pretty decent techno songs. I usually only listen to them when I feel like dancing drunk, or want to work out. I picked Prodigy because they're an old love -- Fat of the Land was the first CD I ever bought on my own (along with TLC's CrazySexyCool.)

6. Sleep Now in the Fire - Rage Against the Machine
Anything by Rage better make you angry. What better motivation than being pissed off at something – regardless if it’s a co-worker or country.

7. Heresy - NIN
GRRR. I can feel my feet pounding with every step on this song. If I heard it driving, I might start going 80 mph (highway OR side street), but this just makes me go faster on foot.

8. The Creator – Santogold
With a voice similar to Karen O. from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Santogold also sounds pretty pissed off. This song’s also got a little bit of techno, a slower beat and some tribal drums. Good when you need to find a flow.

9. Till I Collapse – Eminem
This song motivates you. I was first introduced to Eminem when I heard the Marshall Mathers LP up-north at a friends cottage at the tender age of 16. I bought it immediately when I got home. For the most part, I had hung him up on the shelf, because I played out that and the other subsequent albums. I partly blame MrB for talking about Eminem a whole lot over the last month, but it helped me go back and listen to a few of the better songs I haven’t heard in awhile, including this one.

10. Stronger – Kanye West
This song made it because it incorporates a hip-hop beat along with Daft Punk’s “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger.” Techno can become droning with the same beat over and over, and over – but this song has an even amount of both electronic sounds. Add comprehensible lyrics (vs. DP), which usually help avoid getting sick of a song.

Runner’s Up: Fuel – Metallica; Anti Matter – N.E.R.D.; Touch It/Technologic – Daft Punk; Positive Tension – Bloc Party; No One Knows – Queens of the Stone Age; Sober – Tool

Music week

2009-01-12T11:24:00.003-06:00

This week, I'm focusing on something near and dear to me: music. Everything thing I do revolves in some way around the music I listen to, and I thought I'd let you guys in on the secret. I'm by no means musically inclined. The extent of my musical talent involves playing the violin in high school and singing alone in my car. Loud. I appreciate all genres (yeah, even country), and hope to introduce a few of you to some new songs.

There are five categories each including 10 songs, in no particular order. Some you might dispute, others may disgust you. Some, you'll just say, "oh, yeah" and agree.

I'm hoping I can figure out how to add these lists to last.fm, so I can share them with everyone. Either way, if you're genuinely interested in hearing any or all of the songs, I'll do my best to get them to you.

If anything, check out MySpace music. Over the last year, artists have been utilizing the site to offer more of their songs -- most of the time in their entirety. You might be able to find a few on there.

Without further ado, I present to you my personal soundtracks.

What about me?

2009-01-09T09:24:00.005-06:00

How about some fun facts about the author, for a casual Friday.

--I'm really particular about how I make my bed after I wash sheets. It takes me about 15 minutes to make sure all the sheets and blankets line up, with even blanket on both sides. I love love love sleeping on a freshly made bed. After that first night, I rarely make my bed.

--I'm left-handed. Except I play the violin, use a computer mouse and bat right-handed.

--I just found out I'm ambidextrous.

--I love Jeopardy! but despise any category having to do with English Lit. or Authors because I majored in English in college, and never get any answers in those categories correct. But somehow, I'll sweep Beatles Lyrics and Crossword Answers Beginning with "F". WTF.

--I watch the movie trailers after I watch the movie, to see how fantastically they edited the scenes to make a coherent synopsis -- comparing them to when those scenes actually happened.

--I don't need to see it. Just the thought of needles or grotesque injuries is enough to make me pass out.

--When I'm driving, I can name the make and model of about 75 percent of the vehicles I see on the road.

--I didn't have any cavities until my senior year of college -- then I had two fillings done within 6 months of each other.

--I've never been admitted to a hospital, and I've never broken a bone in my body (knock on wood).

--I can belch louder than you. But not louder than Michelle.

--I'm deathly afraid of pool drains, and deep lakes or ocean water (when I'm in it).

--Every time I travel out of state, I make it a point to eat something I've never tried before. Examples: Grits with butter, and deep fried alligator in Orlando; Deep Fried Okra FROM WHITE CASTLE in Murfreesburo, TN; swordfish in San Diego; raw squid sushimi in Las Vegas

--I'm addicted to salsa, and coffee. But not together. That's fucking disgusting.

--I swear too much.

--I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I drive better than most girls (and ALL blue hairs.)

--I have obscenely different prescriptions for both eyes. Without glasses, my right eye sees 20/70. My left: 20/400.

--I'm usually pretty articulate on paper, but can't hold a normal conversation with most acquaintances.

--I mumble because I stutter.

--My left shoulder is double-jointed.

--I have my moms hands.

Fine china

2009-01-08T08:51:00.011-06:00

I apologize for all the links in advance... but I promise most of them are interesting.
In a disputably controversial move, the current President, George W. Bush, and his wife decided to make a half a million dollar investment, two weeks before departing from the White House: two sets of fine Presidential china. Total price tag? $567,000.

In Laura Bush's defense, they ordered the dishes before the economy went sour; it just took longer than anticipated to be delivered. Plus, the purchase was privately funded by a historical group. Usually only two-term can afford the luxury of ordering such lavish accessories for dinner parties. Mostly because it takes so long to create handcrafted dinnerware. (THAT COSTS HALF A MILLION DOLLARS.)

Other Presidents, like Monroe and Truman, also had customized China made for formal dinner parties. G.W. Bush prefers using Lyndon B.'s, or Reagan's.

The purchase might seem (and IMHO, is) pretty frivolous; but, unnecessary additions to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. have their place in history, defining a particular era and term of that President, as well as their personal taste in what looked good.

Now the Texas governor turned second generation President will be forever remembered not only for his disputed misdeeds and Bushisms, but for purchasing some exquisitely tasteful cups and plates, too.

In 20 years, the general public will look back at trivial facts or useless knowledge (GW owned the Texas Rangers, and attended every game for 12 years; or, he's the only President who was also a Cub Scout), instead of bills vetoed (Stem Cell Research Enhancement Act) and passed (No Child Left Behind Act), or epic failures (Hurricane Katrina, the Iraq War).

So what about those other guys? What do we really know about past Presidents?

Name a favorite. A lot of people liked Washington, Lincoln, Roosevelt (Teddy and FDR) and Reagan.

A few were a little more notorious.

--Pierce sucked it up for being a doughface, causing his party to stop supporting him. Once he left office, Buchanan directly followed, trumping Pierce by inadvertently allowing the only Civil War in United States history to occur, because of his southern sympathies (FAIL).

--Andrew Johnson and Bill Clinton were the only two Presidents in history to be impeached. (Both were acquitted.)

--Calvin Coolidge took a five hour nap every day, on top of sleeping ten hours each night. I bet him and Matthias would make good friends.

--JFK was known for his sexual nature and drug use, while his White House staff attempted to cover up his misdeeds. It's rumored he had relations with Marylin Monroe and family friend Angie Dickinson, among others.

--Nixon was almost impeached too. "He was a notorious micro-manager and could never relax..." He was also a part of the Watergate scandal. Many liberal Americans during the time hated the guy... followed by most of the U.S. population. He might have been smart, but he lacked moral fiber, and was forced to resign.

And here's a snippet directly from Little Known Facts About 20th Century Presidents:

Warren G Harding (1912-23) might have been the worst President in American history. His father once said "If you were a Girl Warren, you could never say no!". Though Prohibition was effect the White House poker parties always had alcohol and there was an unofficial bootlegger on the staff. Harding may also have fathered an illegitimate child in one of the White House coat rooms.Harding once bet four priceless sets of Presidential china in a White House poker game. (he won the hand with two pair).

He was criticized for being associated with members of his office accepting bribes, and his involvement of the Teapot Dome oil scandal.

He's generally ranked as the worst President in the United States.

Those are just the big ones. Even G.W.'s Bushisms have covered up Dan Quayle's articulate vocabulary. In two decades, half the population won't even remember half the crap George actually did.

But maybe we'll remember he bought some fine dishes.

Carpe diem

2009-01-07T10:02:00.005-06:00

I'm a big advocate of supporting local businesses, so when one not only meets but exceeds my expectations, I'm more than happy to shameless promote them: Cafe Carpe.

Lately, I've headed to Carpe once every couple weeks with my traditional Trivial Pursuit posse (my editor, Michelle, her editor and myself), to stretch our lunch hour and enjoy the casual atmosphere of a miniature style dining hall seating.
Because of my financial circumstances, I won't get a chance to go as often, cutting my visits to about once a month. No matter, I'll just learn to appreciate it a little bit more. (BAH, if that's possible.)

In the summer, they have an outdoor, screened-in porch to enjoy hours of Trivial Pursuit and microbrews on tap -- usually local. The porch overlooks the Rock River, and you feel just like you're up north at a cottage with a cool breeze coming in and droning traffic from the bridge a quarter mile away.

A room between the main dining area and the porch has mismatched chairs and what look like old movie theater rows of seats pointed toward a central area with mic stands; the restaurant doubles as a niche venue for folksy music acts and local talent. Unfortunately, I haven't had a chance to see a concert yet.

But what's more? They have the most delicious food. Homemade, locally-grown and full of flavor; every single thing on the menu is fantastic. Not to mention, they have specials on almost a daily basis. (Something like tacos or jambalaya with creole sauce, and some kind of soup or stew). If I don't get the special, I'll usually go for the grilled swiss cheese sammich with tomatoes, or the seared tuna salad. They also have an awesome Sunday brunch, with quiche, fresh fruit, bacon, etc.

And don't get me started on their molasses cookies.

Sleeping in

2009-01-06T10:36:00.004-06:00

Last weekend, my brother Matthias volunteered to help Gregor and his roommates move into their new house.

Saturday rolled around, and I decided to wake my brudder from his precious crack of noon sleep by calling around 10:30 AM. No answer. Fine, I'll give him another hour to sleep in. He's known for erratic sleep patterns anyway -- Plus, we're still in Pewaukee.

I call back at noon, becoming a little disgruntled when I reach his voicemail for a second time. Half the daylight's already gone.

I make one more ditch attempt on my way to the new house, hoping I could swing by the UW campus to pick him up. Still nothing.

It took about three hours to unload everything, enjoying a cold one after our efforts. At this point, I start getting a little concerned. I try calling again, and send an email from my handy smartphone. No Matthias. It's 3:30 PM. What in God's name is he doing?

We take the U-Haul back, and I give my mom a quick ring. "Have you talked to Matthew? He said he'd help move today, but I haven't heard from him." No luck.

In all, I called five times, left three VMs and sent an email. It's now after 6 PM, and we're ordering pizza as a reward for smashed hands and sore arms.

What the hell is this kid doing?

At 9:46 PM, my phone rings.

"Hello?"
"Are all three of these messages from you? Can I delete them?"
"...Yeah. Where the hell have you been?"
"My phone died. I was sleeping. I tried fixing my sleep schedule."
"What time did you get up?"
"6:30."
"!!! ... What time did you go to bed?"
"9 AM."
"%#$@*! Umm... I don't think you fixed your sleep schedule. Anyway, call mom she's probably worried.

...Oh, and want to make tacos tomorrow?"

Dirty laundry

2008-12-30T10:25:00.005-06:00

One of the consequences of living in a rundown apartment, among other things, (ridiculously erratic temperatures, creaky noises, ghosts, etc.) is the fact that I get to join fellow Fort Atkinson-ites at the local laundromat.

I know what you're thinking. What a picnic!
You fools...

Fort Atkinson offers two laundromats. Although Quick Cleaners & Laundry is kept up and has an employee there cleaning and straightening all the time, the place sucks. It's farther away from my apartment, at least $0.50 more for each wash or dry, and they close at 9 PM. NO EXCEPTIONS. Last time, they kicked me out before my clothes were dry, forcing me to go to my new hot spot...

So, I started heading to Kelsi's Klothsline.

You might think that place sounds like it's in the FA hood. That's because IT IS. Nestled between the most pot-hole laden intersection in the city and the Mexican Grocery store -- this diamond in the rough offers two televisions (sans remotes) set up too high to change channels, faded inspirational posters, and, most importantly, cheaper laundry. Nevermind ensuring there's no hardened gum crusted to the dryers, or that the most INSANE INDIVIDUALS I'VE EVER SEEN hang out there.

Half the time, I'm the only person in the place. Otherwise, there's usually any number of the following: a mom, at least one younger couple, dude washing work clothes that don't get clean, and one entire family. I'm talking gramma, ma, pa and at least three juniors running around.

A couple months ago, I even had a chance encounter with a real one-armed man. I had been juggling my basket of clothes while unlocking my door as this shadow came walking through the parking lot ... but then he started toward my car. What the wha...? My heart started racing as I fumbled for my keys. He reached for the door handle and said, "Oh, I was just going to help you with your door..."

Got it! I'm fine... thanks. Thanks...whoa...

Oh, and then, there's the crazy lady that isn't really doing laundry. There are a couple of them, and they like to try and strike up conversations about how much the facility sucks. WHAT?! You're not even washing clothes. You're hanging out watching the free TV that you can't change the channel for, staying warm because it's only 25 degrees outside.

When I arrived around 8 PM last night, one woman kept talking to the TV -- loudly. She sat with a backpack and her winter coat and bright pink hat on, talking to the nervous couple, who were trying to keep to themselves. I think she was squatting there.

I showed up with my one overstuffed basket of dirty clothes -- pre-sorted -- loaded my washers, read my book, threw half the clean stuff in a dryer, grabbed the rest to hang up, and took off for home before she had a chance to linger over. Half hour later, I stopped back to pick up the rest and she still sat in the same place, talking to the TV.

I added "on-site laundry" as a necessity for my next apartment.

Dropping the ball

2008-12-29T08:54:00.007-06:00

At the beginning of every January, my biggest concern is usually how massive my hangover headache will be, and how much Tylenol I'll actually be consuming to ring in the new year. I have slight justification, because my birthday is January 1 -- but as I get older, I realize that celebrating by mixing the trifecta of alcohols for one night is not only a terrible idea, but leaves me nothing else to look forward to. I got my practice in this weekend anyway. (Thanks MrB!)

Without further adieu, I've made a few resolutions for 2009:

Read books. Easy enough, right? Maybe... Ever since signing up for not one -- not two -- but five magazine subscriptions, I've had little to no time to catch up on what I really enjoy: Books. I've decided not to renew my NY Review of Books and New Yorker magazines, opting to spend my free time on the dozens of books I bought but haven't picked up in the last year. My goal? Finish at least one book a month, on top of my additional reading. (WI Natural Resources, Lapham's Quarterly and Time magazines.)

Participate in a marathon. Initially, I had decided to run a marathon, but because I pulled my quad back in October, I sometimes have trouble running. Even if I can't run the day of the race, I can still prepare myself for a large feat of athleticism with proper training. By training for something this big, I'll also be able to tailor my diet and work on cross-training with different equipment, including weight lifting, to stay healthy all around.

Visit another country. I left this a little broad, but my main goal is to visit Europe before the end of 2010. Now, I might leave the U.S. this coming February by taking a short cruise to the Bahamas when I go on vacation to Florida. (Apparently, you need a passport; which I have and haven't been able to use.) Otherwise, maybe India at the end of 2009, when my cousin gets married. Regardless of where I go, I want OUT.

Control my finances. Remember in college when you decided applying for a credit card would help solve all your money problems, because you could just pay it back later, when you had a real job? IT'S A LIE.

I've been plagued with controlling my spending since I became an adult. Now, it's time to budget. Mi madre graciously offered to help me, instead of paying credit card companies hundreds of dollars in finance charges, I'll make payments to her each month.

I also need to start budgeting. That means I can't just buy a new outfit at Express, or go out to eat for lunch three times in one week. I've got a set payment for my debt, as well as my car loan -- but how do I keep track of this beast? www.mint.com!

Mint.com is a free personal finance website to help track every aspect of my debt and income. I signed up a few months ago, only to watch my debt fluctuate while my stocks and retirement funds dwindled. AYE YAYE YAYE.

This weekend I took a closer look at how the site really works. After organizing and categorizing all my spending for the month of December, I could take a look at where most of my money was really going. I can track how much I'll set aside each month for my budget, including car payments, gas, groceries, other bills and extras.

I can set limits on how much I'll allow myself in each category, and get an email when I go over budget.

It's easy to set up, and I can monitor all of my accounts on one site, including my 401K, IRAs, mutual funds, credit cards, car loans, checking and savings accounts; instead of logging into each site separately.

Here's to looking up, and saving some this coming year.

Closing time

2008-12-18T10:52:00.010-06:00

I closed up shop for the last time at my PT job yesterday.

After weeks of cutting hours and giving me only waitressing shifts, I decided it was time to hang up the towel and put in my notice. For my one last hurrah, I got to bartend -- which I enjoy doing just a little bit more than serving food. (I'm a terrible waitress.), and hadn't done since about mid-October.

While working there, I worked with and met some awesome people, made mad tips and got to know the town I live in a little better. That's all well and good, but bars and taverns have one of the highest turnover rates out of any service/retail job out there. I'll tell you why:

#1.) It's stressful. You deal with belligerent assholes on a nightly basis. You meet all kinds of drunks. Happy, sad, angry, oblivious... any emotion on the spectrum. When it's busy, you run around like a chicken with your head cut off. Stocking, shuffling, mixing drinks, spilling, yelling, breaking bottles. When you screw up an order, inebriated people are less forgiving, especially after they've waited 10 minutes for a drink.

#2.) Health risks. Steering completely clear of tobacco since August, I now find any type of smoke repulsive. My body shouldn't be subjected to 8.5 hours of secondhand smoke from not just cigarettes, but cigars. After that long of a shift, not only do your clothes smell like bar, YOU smell like bar. It seeps out of my skin 24 hours later for fuck's sake.

Live bands and loud music for hours on end make your cochlea want to explode. Tough shit if you have a headache, you won't be able to hear for the next three days anyway.

#3.) Getting hit on. OHH, you might be thinking, "How flattering!" NO. Well Rico Suave, after that shot of Jack, you suddenly question why I'm working at this shabby old bar. What do I do? Where else do I work? What's my social security number? ... I've received phone numbers on napkins, receipts, matchbooks, and leftover Styrofoam containers. I tell you I'm taken and not interested, but you continue to harass me -- even after I offer conversation segways about sports, weather or movies. This is my job buddy, not match.com.

#4.) Clientele change all the time. Now, you'll have your regulars -- Big Tom who never sits, only stands, at the bar drinking Bud Light. The Jehovah's Witness couple where the husband always orders the drinks and food for the wife. Peter, who works at the newspaper, always enters through the front door, orders only one glass of Pinot Grigio, leaves $0.60 in change and leaves out the back door...

But there are also a bunch of random people who try and get to know you -- after they've had a few. I'm awful at small talk and find it difficult to hold conversations with 40-somethings from small towns, whom I have NOTHING in common with.

#5.) Stingy assholes. This is by far worse on the waitressing end of working at a bar; some people just don't know how to tip. If you've been pleasant, served me in an efficient manner and I'm satisfied with my meal and drinks, I'll let you know. That generally means leaving at least 15, if not 20, percent of the bill for meals, and 50 cents to $1.00 for each order of drinks. Not $2.00 for a fish fry and an entire night of drinking. With you and five of your friends. Asshole.

What will I miss most? The money. Which sounds arrogant, haughty and greedy; but bartending is a tough job.

I've seen my share of bar fights, flying bats, cops, stumblers, flashers, snoozers at the bar, and some of F.A.'s finest, hammered.

All in a night's work.

Mystery meat

2008-12-17T09:22:00.007-06:00

I'll be honest with you, I've never even tried the canned meat product SPAM.

Now, 1.3 million Hawaiians can't be wrong but to be frank, SPAM scares the crap out of me. Is something that looks like a soggy pink brick supposed to be edible?

I read an article in Time magazine last week saying sales of the pre-cooked pork shoulder concoction are up. (My favorite sentence from the article: "A Spam virgin, he blanched a bit when it plonked out of the can, all pink like a newborn mole rat." hahaha.) Apparently, some chefs have already worked with the "spiced ham" meat, and think it's light, airy texture can be used in a variety of ways. I'm not so sure.

The New York Times also featured an article on how Hormel has been producing more of the stuff over the last year. Because more and more people can't afford normal foods, they've started budgeting, and buying things like canned meat, mac and cheese, instant potatoes, and jello. Sounds kind of like my college diet, sans SPAM.

Here are a few facts about SPAM:

-- Hormel introduced SPAM during the Great Depression in the 1930s, as a substitute for real meat. Cheaper to make + cheaper to buy = wallet- and recession-friendly.

--Ingredients: Pork, ham, sugar, salt, potato starch and sodium nitrite. Gross.

--There are 12 different varieties of SPAM including Spam classic, Spam spread, Spam Oven Roasted Turkey (two different animals?!), and Spam with Cheese.

--McDonald's restaurants in Hawaii features SPAM on their menu.

--Some acronyms: "Stuff Posing As Meat," "Stuff, Pork And Ham" or "Spare Parts Animal Meat" OMNOMNOM.

-- SPAM is vacuum-sealed and does not require refrigeration. SPAM's website says it can last forever in the right conditions. I have my doubts...

Now I just have to bring myself to buy it. hmm...

Cube sweet cube

2008-12-12T08:59:00.013-06:00

I figured everyone might want to see where the magic happens. Ahem, that means writing.

I tried as much as possible, to make my surroundings like home. I'm here at least 40 hours a week, so I mine as well spruce it up a bit.

Without further ado, I present to you: My cube.

There are a few pictures of my family, including the little cousins, and my Norwegian flag magnet :D

FYI: The motivational poster above the phone was a card my old editor gave me. It reads, "Motivation: If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon." hahaha. Robots can't edit.

This is what I stare at all day. Above and to the right, there's a calendar with all my deadlines. You can't really see it, but there's a map above the computer that has all the states I've traveled to.

To the right of the computer, you'll see where I store my snacks, and how I try to dress up my ridiculously large CPU. There's also a picture of Hulk, and a Post-it with a drawn coffee cup that says "HOW ABOUT A NICE CUP OF SHUT THE FUCK UP." Good morning!

Then, some archived issues of the magazines I work on.

Behind me, I started a collage of different pictures. It's a work in progress.

Then, my junk drawer. It's like the rug I sweep all the garbage under. Except, all the garbage is this crap. You'll find a bunch of napkins, loose change, candies from Halloween, a lint roller, socks, saline solution, an Altoid tin full of tacks, a couple sets of headphones, cords, and STACKER 2. (!)

And, last but not least, my toys. Chewbacca's protecting Leon (my philodendron). There's also a voodoo doll I picked up in New Orleans, the Michelin man, which I stole from the aviation magazines, and a gas tank clock from the show in Vegas last month.

Notice, too, how looking past the plant and figurines, is like looking into the abyss. Or, a tunnel you can't see the end of. Ahh... cube farms.

Foux do fa fa

2008-12-10T13:49:00.007-06:00

Gregor reminded me today how awesome Flight of the Conchords are, by mentioning that he just watched Foux do fa fa -- my favorite FOTC video.

I'll admit, the first time I saw Bret McKenzie and Jermaine Clement trying to rap, I was a little put off -- but their absurd stories and witty songs always put me in a good mood. And make me laugh.

If you like Foux do fa fa, check out Business Time or She's so Hot.

The second season premieres on HBO Jan. 18. Fantastic.

Down to brass tacks

2008-12-09T09:31:00.006-06:00

Making small talk is not my forte.

Once I get to know you, We might engage in thoughtful conversation -- maybe even joke around. Heck, we might even become good friends. But especially being a stronger introvert, I need to find some common ground with you, and get to know you first.

My professional career, however, involves talking to people I don't necessarily care to. So what the hell am I supposed to talk about...

The biggest conversation starter?

Weather.

Everyone sees it, and it's always different. Plus, it won't start any controversial discussions.

Some categories are naturally out of my league because I'm female (I'm not sexist, I'm frank); especially in a 40-something, male-dominated industry. Topics I usually avoid include: sports, hunting, politics and loose women.

I can sometimes discuss wine or food, but I'm no real aficionado. And, in-season, I might get by with a few comments about the Brewers or Packers -- but no lengthy discussions.

Sometimes I'll mention family -- but I don't have a husband or kids to compare stories and compete with, like every single other person. (Don't get me wrong. I DON'T WANT those stories. I'm almost 25, not 40.)

When I go to trade shows, I generally read up on whatever locale I might be headed to. This includes the local food, historical sites and keeping an ear out for interesting things happening in the news at the time. A huge topic was the Presidential election when I was in Vegas last month -- making a big exception to my previously stated rules.

It's a little easier on the phone. I worked in a call center for two years before my current job, so I learned how strike up brief conversations based on where the other person called from, like "Oh yeah, California? I hear those forest fires are getting a little wild." Or, "Wow, I heard some parts of Colorado got two feet of snow. Crazy!" But that's IT.

Now when I call a PR company, or someone to interview for a story, I try to make the introduction as quick as possible. After that, I tell them why I'm calling -- Send me a high-res image of your neat new product, or tell me about your magnificent tool box.

Roll with the punches

2008-12-08T13:18:00.004-06:00

Yeah, I'm gonna complain. Deal with it.

After having the most exceptional weekend (:D), it becomes easier (and harder) to appreciate shitty days. Especially on a Monday.

Here's why:

*I woke up getting about half as much sleep as my body wanted. I even skipped my shower this morning to sleep in an extra 15 minutes.

*My car wouldn't start this morning. Now, I anticipated this. Friday afternoon the engine had trouble turning over, but still started up. Then, Saturday I had some trouble, but the car still got going. I had to wait until 9 this morning for Triple A to show up and give me a jump. Turns out my car battery had a bad cell.

*I dropped a Benjamin to replace said battery.

*Showed up at work around 10:30 AM -- 2.5 hours late.

*I thought I broke Gregor's monitor because it went haywire when I turned on his computer, and the screen looked like it did when your NES would take a crap and not play a game right.

*Apparently, after leaving three voicemails and two messages in one week, some organizations still don't understand the idea of returning a phone call. I need that PR now dammit.

*My chicken and bacon wrap for lunch from Subway tasted like ass. Also, Subway in general, tastes like ass.

So, I'm going to rationalize:

*I only didn't get enough sleep because of having such a great weekend.

*My car didn't die while I was in the middle of an intersection, or when it was -20 degrees outside.

*Money no matter.

*My editor kicks ass, and probably understands more than most because we work for an auto mechanic magazine.

*I did NOT break the computer.

*I got to enjoy and share 10 dozen cookies, eat Capital Grille and BW3s (!) this weekend. On top of seeing the MSO, making pancakes Saturday AND Sunday, going bowling and seeing a real life singing gnome.

I just hope Tuesday starts off a little better.

Driving my ice box

2008-12-04T12:11:00.006-06:00

Judging by yesterday's blog, you probably think I'm content, sitting in holiday bliss with a hot cup of nog and some Manheim Steamroller on the radio.

Not so ... because it's FUCKING cold outside.

I headed out to my car around 5:30 this morning to head to the gym. I made sure to put on a hat and gloves, because I heard the temperature was dropping overnight.

I sat in my car as it warmed up. The hat and gloves were NOT enough. My fingers froze, my nose ran, my body shivered...

I looked at my car clock and thermometer. 9 degrees. NINE degrees?

Now, I can handle the mid-30s. I'll even deal with a meager 25 degrees, on occasion. But 9?

That's a single digit. I can count that number on my fingers. I thought, "There are more holy commandments than the weather is warm right now. WTF am I doing outside?"

On top of that, my windshield was completely iced over. I wasn't about to wait 15 more minutes, cutting my workout down to a measly 45. So what do I do? Crank the heat, turn on the defrost and GO.

I drove halfway there with my head ducked and aligned with the middle console, so I could peak out the center of the windshield, where the ice melted.

I made it and didn't die.

And it's only December.

Warm fuzzies

2008-12-03T09:26:00.005-06:00

Last night I decided to get into the holiday spirit.

Since I've lived in an apartment by myself for the last couple years, I figured it's not really necessary to decorate for Christmas with the idea, "Who's really going to see this and appreciate it?"

NONSENSE. I figured I'll have a few visitors; plus, passersby can check out my decorations from the street. And, I'll get my own warm fuzzies when I come home.

Thanksgiving weekend, my mom packed up a box with a small fake tree already set up with lights, some ornaments, and a few other decorations. On top of that, I had some window clings and a wooden nativity set from my grandma.

I went to work and an hour later: Voila!

I still like to get into the kid spirit and get excited when I see Christmas trees lit up in windows, poinsettias at stores and garland wrapped around light posts down the main street of any small town.

It's also the only time of year where I'll really tolerate snow, and even get butterflies when a fresh coat covers the ground while kids are walking to school, or I head out to get some holiday shopping done.

In the next couple weeks, I'll start buying presents, and I think the decorating helped get me into the spirit.

Achoo!

2008-12-02T09:28:00.006-06:00

This last weekend I went home to visit my family and friends over Thanksgiving.

Wednesday night Michelle and I picked up a variety six-pack of microbrews (BTW, try Breckenridge Amber Ale. Amazing.) and headed over to our friend, Amanda's, apartment to catch up and watch the Obama interview with Barbara Wa-wa.

Amanda takes care of two cats: Milly and Marty. Both are adorable, and have their own unique personalities. I knew my boundaries though -- because I had a cat in high school. After going away to college, every time I'd come home to visit, my eyes started watering and my head would get congested. The onset of becoming allergic to cats.

So at Amanda's, I kept my distance. I played with Marty for a little while, but gave up because after about a half hour, I noticed a tickle in the back of my throat and my eyes started itching. Enough of that.

Another hour went by and my immune system was in full-fledged attack mode. I started sneezing. My nose ran. My eyes watered. Part of it must've been the fact that there were two felines.

I hate taking medication, so I declined when Amanda offered.

Then on Friday, we headed back over to the apartment before going out to the bar. We ended up staying there about two hours waiting for some friends, and the itching, watering, sneezing started again. AGGH.

It's crossed my mind to find a pet for my apartment. Because I travel so much for work, I initially thought a cat would make the most sense. They're generally more independent and seem to be able to take care of themselves. Plus, I don't have to take them out to use the bathroom, or feed them as much.

But, I'm a dog person.

Number one: The thought of having a box full of festering crap in my house doesn't really appeal to me.
Number two: Cats can be bitchy and mean.
Number three? Cats make me SICK.

Rules of the road

2008-12-01T12:36:00.009-06:00

It's that time of year again, when drivers get into their vehicles thinking it's 72 degrees and sunny. Perfect weather for a drive.

But wait a tick -- it's snowing, windy and 20 degrees.

Let me tell you something. It isn't a great day for a drive. In fact, it's downright terrible. So stop driving like it's the middle of the summer.

Another pet peeve of mine involves drivers who don't understand the rules of the road. Just because you have your driver's license doesn't mean it's your way, or the highway. (Very pun-y.)

Here are a few reminders I think drivers should follow, particularly during inclement weather.

1. Wear a seatbelt. Personally, I don't believe people should be ticketed for this offence. You're just putting yourself in danger. But it might just save your life.

2. Don't talk on your cell phone. I'm guilty of this on occasion, although I avoid at all costs, talking or texting when it's raining or snowing. If you really have to use your phone, get in the right lane, or pull over.

3. Use your blinker when you're turning or passing someone. This is especially important when you have three or more lanes of highway to drive on. I can't read your mind, give me some visuals.

4. I SAY -- slow the fuck down. Generally, I enjoy going about 10 mph over the speed limit. Not so if the weather sucks. I'm all for defensive driving, but I can only control my own car. Don't put my life in jeopardy by driving like a maniac.

5. Do NOT tailgate. The reason I slowed down was to avoid an accident and make sure I could maintain control of my vehicle, not so you could ride my ass. You hinder my ability to drive safely by touching bumpers and making sure your pearly whites are right in my FUCKING REAR VIEW MIRROR.

6. Don't tap your brakes incessantly. I can see the traffic ahead of you. You have eight car lengths of freedom. Don't make me white-knuckled and nervous every time the car in front of you hits the brakes. First take your foot of the gas and coast. It might also help you avoid swerving all over the place.

7. The left lane is for faster moving traffic. Although it's not a law, every time I drive longer distances, I come across at least two dozen assholes who don't know how to share the road with other drivers. The left lane is a passing lane. It should be used only in the event that the car in front of you is going slower than you. In which case -- use your blinker, move over, pass and go BACK TO THE RIGHT LANE.

Black Friday

2008-11-28T12:49:00.006-06:00

I sometimes enjoy the occasional shopping spree. This usually involves heading to Express or Banana Republic with someone else (usually Michelle) to buy clothes and spend money I don't have...

But I refuse, at all costs, to participate in shopping the day after Thanksgiving.

The last thing I want to do is wake up at 3 AM after researching three dozen ads the night before, fight crowds of elbow throwing blue hairs and race to the closest retail store for the ONE thing I've been looking for. Don't bother, someone else is looking for the same thing, and they'll get it before you.

But, I wanted to find my Auntie Bobbie the perfect gift in return for the Corelle she gave me on Thanksgiving, and thought it'd be great to get her what she's been hunting for: a Wii Fit.

They were on sale at Sam's Club for $78.84. Since my mom has the membership, she'd need to come along. This morning, we piled into the car and headed to the west siide of GB -- traffic wasn't terrible, but there were still some crowds of people. It was about 11 AM. Not too shabby.

My mom and George had tentative plans to purchase a new flatscreen TV for their living room too. Mostly so George can play Halo 3. (I think he's addicted.)

On the list: a shiny new television, Wii Fit and a Columbia fleece jacket.

When you walk into the Sam's Club, electronics stare you in the face. In particular -- TVs. We got about 20 feet into the store, and stayed there for about an hour.

Since my brother came along, he was able to check out the different options and details for each TV, letting my mom and George know which were better than others.

He'd also ask questions like the refresh rate for the screen or the signal delay.

I checked out some cameras, the laptops and found some of the fleece sweatshirts (none my size.)

Finally, they chose a 46" Samsung flatscreen -- last one on the shelf.

We wandered around the rest of the store, showing off the TV to all the other shoppers. Checked out and hauled it to the car.

On the way home, we were pulling off the highway to the house, and my mom asked, "Did anyone look for the Wii Fit for Auntie Bobbie?"

Oops.

Ms. Fix-it

2008-11-24T09:23:00.007-06:00

The great thing about my apartment is that it was a shithole before I moved in, so the landlord doesn't really care if I renovate it. As far as she's concerned, she can charge more for the tenants after me.

Before moving in all my furniture, I ripped out the living room carpet, cleaned the wood floors and painted all the rooms (they paid for supplies) -- except, the bathroom.

It's a small bathroom to begin with.

For the past five months, I've been climbing in and out of the claw foot tub, only to stand on the 2'x 3' bathroom mat strategically placed over the rotting golf green turf carpeting. I had a plastic drawer setup to keep all my bathroom accessories/extra shampoos/etc., so whenever I went to the bathroom, I'd sit face-to-face with that thing.

I couldn't take it anymore, so this weekend I decided to re-tile the bathroom floor.

BEFORE:

I bought some peel-and-stick tile and a straight edge.

First, I put gloves on ripped out the turf carpet. (Who in the HELL puts carpet in bathrooms anyway.) I vacuumed and picked up some loose garbage under the tub, like an empty travel-size shampoo bottle (not mine), a plastic bowl that at some point must've been catching water, but had turned black (not mine), and an ancient-looking gold mirror compact with flowers on it (ALSO not mine.)

I went to work laying out the tiles, cutting around pipes, the toilet and doorway.

In all it took about four hours, start to finish.

AFTER:

Now I can go into my bathroom without socks and shoes on, AND taking a shower actually means I feel clean.

Eyes wide open

2008-11-19T08:57:00.007-06:00

I'm taking a hint from my blog's title, and losing sleep.

For some reason, the past couple weeks at my home after the sun goes down, my once-cozy abode becomes a creepy, rattley, drafty, scare-the-shit-out-of-me apartment. Over the summer, I slept like a corpse. NOTHING could wake this. Even if I only got six hours of sleep, I was bright and refreshed in the morning.

It seems the cold weather made the ghosts in the attic start hanging out in my apartment on the second floor. Probably because I have heat now.

So last night about 8 PM, I started watching the first season, first episode of Dexter.

Halfway through the show, my heat starts to clink on... fine. But after a few minutes, the wood floorboard between my couch and the vent starts to creak every couple minutes -- like a creak when someone walks on it. This is just my mind getting a little riled up. It keeps happening. Then I start hearing it outside my apartment door, every few minutes. I know my friend/neighbor/co-worker Lisa is at her other PT job until late, so she's not home. Can't be her. What IS that.

I'm not really into paranormal crap. But when I'm by myself, sometimes my mind gets the best of me. I could probably handle that, but what's worse is someone broke into my friend Sara's apartment here in Fort last weekend. Nothing happened because her boyfriend woke up and scared the guy, so he fled.

Now, I've got to worry about real people, and fake people, err, ghosts?

Called my mom, talked for a little while. Forgot about it. Got ready for bed.

STILL hearing this creaking. It's already 11 PM.

I called the one person I knew would be up: Matthias.

Being an excellent multi-tasker, he continued playing his Left 4 Dead demo (for the duration of our conversation) while I told him what was up.
"So, what you're saying is someone is trying to rob you?" MATTHIAS WTF WOULD YOU SAY THAT I'M CALLING BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT. "Now I've jinxed it. You'll get robbed."

So the first part of that conversation didn't go well. But after that, we started talking about Thanksgiving, 4chan ("It's the Mos Eisley of Internet content"), water and zee Germans.

I was getting tired around 11:30, so I said I'd try to sleep. But, he'd be up till 3 AM or later if I needed to call back. Awesome.

Too much TV

2008-11-18T08:41:00.006-06:00

Last night, I sat on my couch eating dinner when Heroes came on. Being the second episode I've ever seen (the first one was last week), I started watching and couldn't stop. Then I had questions, like, "what is this formula?" "why does Claire think she's the catalyst?" and "who the HELL are all these people?"
I knew my friend/neighbor/co-worker Lisa liked Heroes, so I ventured over across the hall and started asking her these questions. She immediately, and excitedly, dug out her Heroes Season 1 boxset, and said I had to watch.

Now I'm excited to find out what happens, and when "It's coming," and what "it" really is...

Now, that's all well and good except, my co-worker Dionne came in to work today with the first season of Dexter for me to catch up on. And, this weekend my friend Betsy insisted I take home and borrow "Freaks & Geeks." JC.

Every time I turn around, there's a new sitcom to watch... and people to provide DVDs for said sitcoms.

This has become a particular problem now that almost every single TV show ever produced is now on DVD.

Greg and I started watching the first season of Arrested Development. Now, I've seen a few episodes on TV before the canceled the show a season after winning an Emmy. (Yeah, tell me that makes fucking sense.) But we're almost through Season 1.

Anyway, I currently have borrowed, and in my possession:

-Heroes Season 1
-Dexter: The First Season
-Freaks & Geeks - the entire series
-Futurama - Season 1 & 2? (from Matthias)
-It's Always Sunny (from Michelle -- more for a recap, because they're all so good)

I also have an avid interest in watching:

-Entourage
-It's Always Sunny (Season 3)
-The Office (Season 4)
-Curb Your Enthusiasm (Season 3+)
-The Sopranos
-Spaced (The British sitcom produced by Simon Pegg)

I know there are different websites I could go to and watch each show, but #1.) My computer is the biggest POS in the entire world, and #2.) It's more difficult to get into one episode, let alone three or four in on sitting, while being less comfortable sitting in front of a computer screen, versus laying sprawled out on the couch.

People have also suggested Netflix, or renting each DVD from Blockbuster. Now, I'll support my favorite things by making the purchase (for instance musical artists, like KOL), but I'm not paying $5 to watch three episodes of Larry David be a cynical asshole.

This whole pop culture business is getting out of hand.

At least it's getting colder outside, so I'll have reason to hibernate on the couch.

Also, if someone could let me know who to contact in order to get Pete & Pete on DVD, that'd be helpful.

Am I missing any?

I promise one day I'll try to write shorter posts, but once I start -- can't stop. won't stop.

Urban sprawl

2008-11-17T10:58:00.009-06:00

I headed home to Green Bay this past weekend (for free laundry at mi madres, and to visit Biddy in Marinette).

As I pulled off the highway from 43 N, I noticed a change in the skyline of boxed buildings around the off-ramp.

Great, more stores.

I understand the need for shopping centers, grocery stores, gas stations and restaurants, but since moving to Green Bay 12 years ago, there's been significant development, turning the once prairie-grassed, isolated suburb into a full out traffic laden, brick-built, strip-malled, pavement landscape.

And every time I go back, there's a new commercial building being built.

When we moved in, there were three buildings -- Lou's One Stop gas station, the Dorsch Ford dealership and Cliff & Ceil's ballroom -- and they were just beginning to build a Hardee's.

BEFORE:

Now, across County JJ, passed the backyard of my mom's house, cookie cutter homes dot the other side of the road. Not to mention, the following businesses in the area:

-four strip malls
-Menards
-Festival Foods (my H.S. job as a cashier)
-a rebuilt Cliff & Ceils
-TWO more gas stations
-Home Depot
-a hotel
-some Harley Davidson repair center
-two banks
-Tumbleweed, McDonalds, Jimmy Johns, Taco Johns, A&W and Subway

And the newest edition, right across the street: Stein Gardens and Gifts.

AFTER:

Do we really need eight different fast food options, three places to get gas and two DIY stores within a half-mile radius?

Wouldn't it make more sense to construct one large building (AKA a mall), with a whole bunch of stores, instead of completely destroying all of the natural land around the highway?

It was inevitable that development would happen, especially with so many people moving into the area. (It is a suburb, after all).

Not to mention the affects of locally owned stores. Mom and pop shops are completely run out by corporations who build 1 mil.-sq.-ft. facilities, undercut prices, then abandon the building. From personal experience, I saw it happen in Stevens Point as they continued building along Hwy. 10 instead of renovating and continuing to develop the downtown area.

So I say, develop and remodel what's already there, instead of continuing to spread like an epidemic.

With the increased traffic, destruction of land, and the overall loss of aesthetics to the area -- it only supports what I've been thinking recently: it makes more sense to live in a more metropolitan area.

Although you're not exactly removing your carbon footprint by living within city limits, at least you have access to mass transit, stores in close proximity, and the option to live and renovate buildings that are already there.

Build up, not out.

Flu shots

2008-11-13T09:02:00.008-06:00

Disclaimer: I've taken some factual liberties with the plasma story, like the use of two needles. See comments afterward.

I am terrified of shots. I can't give blood. If I'm within a 10-foot radius of a needle, I suddenly become light-headed with the onset of fainting symptoms.

Well, this week, my employer is offering both the opportunity to Give Blood to help out our community AND the option of paying $10 for a flu shot.

The former is absolutely out of the question. I've developed a justified phobia to needles.

Here's why:

Back during my freshman year of college, I decided to join my roommate and a few friends at BioLife in Stevens Point to donate some of my plasma. Now, not only was I doing science a favor by giving up my precious fluids, I was also being rewarded handsomely in cash.

Initially we had to set up individual appointments for a physical. I passed but couldn't give plasma that day because, apparently, I hadn't drank any water at all that day. (You need to be hydrated in order for them to stick a needle in your arm.)

I had given blood a couple times during high school blood drives, so I was vaguely familiar with the procedure. I'd like to think it was to help out the community and give something back -- but in all honesty, I got out of at least one class for the day. Plus, you get juice and cookies.

I have perfect veins to donate, but I have the problem of becoming severely light-headed when I would give blood. (Or, get shots at the doctor.)

Move ahead two weeks for my donation appointment.

I walk in, fill out the paperwork and wait for them to call my name. As I sit down in the dental cleaning-esque chair, I hold out my right arm, ready for action. Unbeknownst to me until that point, the nurse begins prepping not one, but BOTH arms for needles.

Time out.

See, when you give plasma, they draw blood out of one arm, remove the plasma, and put your blood back in. The other arm has a saline drip to keep you hydrated.

A little apprehensive at this point, I realize I'm in trouble. I can hardly handle one needle, just taking blood out. Now, they want to take blood out, put it back in -- and THEN, introduce some other foreign shit into my arm? My mind made me physically regret this decision immediately.

Move ahead about five minutes.

I start getting light-headed, and tell the nurse. She suggests slowing the blood drawing, and upping the saline. Good idea? Bad idea.

When the saline enters your veins, it's room temperature. Think about it. It's maybe 72 degrees F on a good day. My body sits at a balmy 98.6 degrees.

It felt like death was crawling up my left arm.

Apparently it looked like it too. The nurse decided then that I was no longer eligible to give plasma. As I started to get tunnel vision, she advised me she'd be stopping, but they needed to keep the needles in my arms while they got my body back to normal, continuing the saline drip.

There were at least three people helping out when I came around. They told me my eyes rolled back in my head, and I started shaking uncontrollably.

As I recooperated lying down in a nearby room, I saw on both arms, purplish-yellow bruises beginning to form. The nurse came in to inform me that "your body rejected the needles."

WTF does that mean?!

I walked up to the counter about 20 minutes later, waiting for my much-deserved compensation.

The cashier placed her hand on the $20 bill, slid it across the counter and said, "Don't come back here again." I haven't had a needle in my arm since.

Now, shots are along those same lines. Granted, things are going in instead of being removed -- but any foreign change in my homeostasis, and my body goes nuts.

I've decided I'd rather be vomiting in a cold sweat for three days with the flu, rather than have to deal with that crap again.

The name game

2008-11-12T12:19:00.006-06:00

I love lists, but sometimes I have trouble remembering the lists I make in my head before writing them down -- including grocery lists, things to do, people to talk to, etc.

That also means I don't remember important things, like phone numbers, birthdays or when to watch the Office. (I've been getting better at the last one.)

I'm scatterbrained in general.

Say I decide to clean my house. I'll start putting clean clothes away, only to find some shoes are in the way of me getting to my closet. I'll remember there's another pair of shoes in the living room. Better put those away too. When I get to the living room, I realize there are some DVDs strewn all over the floor. Better put them away. But one of them I borrowed from Kim at work. I'll put it on the kitchen table to be sure I grab it on the way out tomorrow... What was I doing again?

So when I was trying to list all the Christmas gifts I need to purchase in the next month, I made sure not to leave out my two little cousins... Kimberly and _____.

CRAP. What the hell was my five-year-old cousin's name? Kimberly and... Kimberly and...

Not remembering reminded me of an article I read yesterday by Woody Allen in the New Yorker: Think Hard, It'll Come Back To You.

Writing this post helped me remember. But I hope it doesn't take a 15 minute blog post to help remind me about other things, like where I put my car keys.

It's Amber.

Pack rat

2008-11-11T09:30:00.004-06:00

Denial is the first step... and I'm pretty sure my mom is still not fessing up.

I've developed a problem due to her inability to throw anything away; which begins with buying more crap.

It all started when I mentioned to my mom and Aunt Bobbie over the summer that someone stole some of my Corelle dishes from the UWSP dorms a couple years ago. I was missing a plate and a bowl. No big deal.

(I've all but given up on paper plates and bowls -- except in the case of pizza.)

My aunt just moved to Oshkosh last summer, right by the biggest outlet mall in NE Wisconsin, which just happens to have a store exclusively devoted to selling Corelle dinnerwares, utensils, baking things and cooking business. And if you know anything about aunts, grandmas and moms, they like to go on shopping missions with the sole purpose of finding the most perfect purchase for family members, and then some.

So at my aunt's request, I sent a picture of the inept dinner set I already had, with the hopes of once again having my full line of plates and bowls.

Also as an aside, I mentioned if she found any larger bowls that could fit an entire can of soup, that'd be swell; as well as a 9x9 baking dish.

She did.

Except, when I was on the phone last night with my mom, she mentioned I could get an entire SET of baking dishes, instead of just one 9x9 baking dish, with pie pans and custard cups for $20 at Target.

I DON'T NEED PIE PANS or CUSTARD CUPS. If you've seen my apartment, you know I have a counter space that's 2 ft. by 3 ft., with one cabinet underneath for all things cooking-related. It's already full.

Now, I love cooking. I'd like to think I'm not half bad; but what am I going to do with a 10-piece set of Pyrex cookware? (It's a rhetorical question.)

I think I know what I'm getting for Christmas.

Oh my gourd

2008-11-10T08:56:00.006-06:00

Back from my week-long hiatus, I was able to return to my normal morning routine on the way to work.

I head into the local gas station, to the cappuccino machine with my silver mug over in hopes to tame my craving of the cinnamon nutmeg goodness.

Lo and behold! They still have my favorite flavor: Pumpkin Spice. OMNOMNOM.

Now, I've just about substituted all caffeine consumption away from coffee, and switched over to teas. Not so with flavored drinks.

And it's not just the cappuccino that kicks ass.

Think about it. With the exception of maybe pumpkin gum or pumpkin jello, pumpkin flavored foods are amazing.

Pumpkins provide delicious pumpkin seeds, which can be salted, baked and consumed in large handfuls.

My aunt ("aww-nt") even makes a mean pumpkin pie, which she brings every Thanksgiving.

Pumpkin granola bars, bread, muffins, ice cream. McDonald's pumpkin shakes. Even squash, the first cousin to pumpkin, can be delicious in raviolis, or on it's own.

Thing is, seasonal flavors kick ass. And there's nothing better than a delicious cinnamon-y, harvesty pumpkin flavor in October and November.

I can't take all the credit. My editor, Brendan, first acknowledged the deliciousness that is pumpkin-flavored foods.

Next up: mint.

That means come December I'll be enjoying candy canes, grasshoppers, and peppermint teas. I also hear they're getting a Peppermint Patty cappuccino flavor.

Viva Las Vegas

2008-11-05T11:37:00.004-06:00

I know you're all anxiously awaiting my return... but I'm out of the office this week in Las Vegas for the AAPEX/SEMA/NACE shows.

I heard Billy Mays and Danica Patrick are here. No sightings yet.

Until next week...

Here comes the sun

2008-10-31T10:58:00.005-05:00

I was intrigued by Menace's post about near death experiences, but I thought I'd address my initial blog idea I thought of this morning instead. (Wait til next week.)

Every morning for the past month, I've been a perpetual snooze button pusher. I'm usually pretty good about getting up around 5:30 to head to the gym. Or at the very least, getting up around 6:45 to begin the normal morning routine. But I've been getting out of bed later, and later, and later. That means, instead of hitting snooze once or twice, I roll out of bed around 7:10, 7:15. I've even reset the clock to jolt me awake, again, around 7:30 AM.

I blame the dark sky.

Why in the hell would my body think it's time to wake up, if the sun ITSELF isn't even out of bed. There aren't any birds chirping to wake me up. No morning runners. No construction. Nothing. It's silent... and it's dark.

This weekend, we'll set our clocks back an hour. That means one more hour of sleep. It also means another hour of sunlight in the morning. Hopefully, that also means returning to a somewhat normal schedule.

Maybe then I'll be able to roll out of bed.

I don't want to hibernate all winter.

Did you know? Arizona and Hawaii are the only U.S. states that don't participate in daylight savings. Indiana just started turning it's clock back this year.

What's up Doc?

2008-10-29T11:10:00.002-05:00

So I finally became a big kid. It's been high school since I actually had all of my doctor's appointments in order, on an annual basis for checkups... but now I'm completing the trifecta on my own for the first time. (And, with my own insurance!)

I went to the optometrist to update my prescription and get new contacts last month. I visited the doctor for the annual check-up earlier this week. And now, come November 20, I'll be getting X-rays and a thorough cleaning of my pearly whites.

Now I've made an appointment for a tooth cleaning. When I was younger I saw a toof specialist at least once a month, namely for the bothersome task of getting my braces tightened. Ouch is right. But since high school -- sans a toothache that required an emergency visit senior year at college -- I haven't seen a dentist.

I'm excited to say that I'm taking care of myself. Being an adult sometimes sucks. I have bills to pay, things to clean, schedules to maintain, time to exercise, eat right, free time to find, taxes to avoid, hurdles to climb, family and friends to visit, money to make (which consequently means keeping a steady job), novels to write, etc.

But just looking at one thing at a time, like this little victory, makes me feel like I'm on the right track.

Did I mention this health business gets pricey? yikes.

Damn it feels good...

2008-10-28T23:22:00.010-05:00

...to be a gangster.

So last night, I taught myself how to tie a Windsor knot.

As part of the up-and-coming bourgeoisie, I realized I better start acting the part.

Not really. I'm almost certain I've determined my costume; now I just need to prepare. That involves being able to tie my own ties, dammit. So, I looked up some instructional "how to" videos.

I'm not a dude, but this shit was tough. Even after YouTube videos, and about three websites with different illustrations, I had trouble figuring it out.

Then, I realized I'm left-handed... and everything I try to do should be opposite.

I'm pretty sure it'll take me about 30 seconds now, with assistance from a diagram.

Soon it'll be cake.

Night terrors

2008-10-28T10:31:00.005-05:00

Last night, I lost track of time and ended up going to bed around midnight. My neighbor/co-worker/friend, Lisa, was in Milwaukee for the night, so I was left to my own defenses as the sole occupant of the upstairs of my extremely creepy, 70-year-old house.

I probably would've been fine if I didn't know she was gone... and I slept fine all last week while she traveled. But for some reason, every noise scared the piss out of me.

I'm not sure if it's because Halloween's so close, I might syke myself out more... but I swear there was someone, or something, in my house.

I sleep with a fan on, to avoid dead noise. Plus, it's good at lulling me to sleep. I make sure all my doors are locked and windows closed. Sometimes, I even check closets if I'm feeling particularly vulnerable.

But last night I kept hearing noises. The steam-pipe vents kept clicking, and anytime a large truck went over the pothole in the front of my house, the windows shook. I even kept my bedside lamp on for a little while but the shadow of myself, kept scaring, myself.

I would let my thoughts drift off to the day, work, things to do... but they kept coming back to the fact that I was by myself in my house. With all these strange noises.

I'm not sure if I was more afraid of an actual intruder, or some supernatural creature that might attack me if I let my defenses down in slumberland.

I finally fell asleep around 1 AM, after getting up twice to turn on my lights to make sure nothing weird was going down.

That also meant hitting snooze an additional three times this morning and getting up at 7:30 AM. Oops.

Arbitrary entertainment

2008-10-24T08:33:00.006-05:00

It's Friday, and I don't much feel like thinking... so I've provided a few links to enjoy. Happy weekend!

Carve a pumpkin
Pros: Less messy than the real thing.
Cons: No seeds to bake.

Garfield minus Garfield
Jon Arbuckle is fucking crazy.

Virtual Haircut
You need headphones for this.

Best of Craigslist
If you're bored... find out what other people are giving away, or bitching about.

Animal farm

2008-10-23T10:40:00.004-05:00

I have inadvertently become the cat (and dog) lady. The good news is, the pets don't have to stay in my house.

At the beginning of the week, I agreed to cat-sit for my neighbor, Lisa, while she's traveling to Louisville for work. Really, it involves going into her apartment, feeding and giving water to Maybelline and petting her for approximately three minutes.

I've helped out before, and it's not tough.

But then my friend Em asked if I could let out their pug, Lil Dutchie, today. I've never met the dog, and she's just a puppy. Plus, dogs are usually a little more work -- with a wider range of potential disasters (e.g. it running away). Apparently, she's pretty well-behaved, and Em left out a leash in case.

The biggest issue? Remembering that I actually have to take care of them. So, I've put the tasks on my to-do list, added it to my Outlook calendar, and my phone. I should be good.

It reminds me that I've wanted my own dog for awhile (like a chocolate lab or a beagle.)

My family always had pets growing up, so I've been around them my whole life.

But for all practical purposes, that's not possible right now. I don't have much space, I live upstairs, and I'm at my apartment maybe an hour a day, usually after 8 PM... plus, I'm usually gone on weekends. Plus, I travel about once a month for work.

The heat is on (on the street)

2008-10-22T14:23:00.006-05:00

(I had to watch Glenn Frey's video because this song's been in my head all day.)

I live in a house built somewhere between 1900 and 1930. I have wood floors, a farmer sink in the kitchen, a claw foot tub in the bathroom and glass windows above the doorways between rooms.

I also have steam pipe radiators for heat, and the neighbor lady has complete control of when they get turned on.

So, for the past two weeks, when temperatures have dipped well below comfort levels for any normal human beings sleeping conditions, I've been stuck with three blankets, wearing long-sleeved shirts and sweatpants to bed. I cocoon.

Granted, the single-paned windows account for a lack of insulation and obvious drafts (I don't pay for heat or electric, so NBD), but I'd at least like some control of when I can warm myself up.

Plus, it's a bitch getting out of bed in the morning once my body heat warmed up all the blankets, and I can almost see my breath when I try to get out from under the covers.

Once the initial switch is turned on (thanks neighbor lady), I have some control over how much heat comes out of those pipes... but I could probably open a window if it came to that.

List this.

2008-10-21T10:10:00.007-05:00

Welcome to my brain's filing system. Because I have the most terrible memory in the world, and because the human brain's short-term memory only has the capacity to remember seven things at one time; I have become a connoisseur, and big fan of, lists.

If it's not a series of items in a row on one sheet of paper, having a dozen Post-It notes scattered all over my calendar or on my monitor helps me cope with the chaos that is life.

The most important of these lists is the "to do" list. On any given day, I'll compile at least two, if not six different lists to stay organized.

This might include items listed that need lists. Like my current one:

- Bills (cable, Discover card, rent, cell phone)
- Halloween costume? (Debbie Harry, 1920s ganster, Leeloo Dallas multipass)
- call muni office to VOTE
- Steve Martin letter
- check on Maybe baby (my neighbor's cat)
- start Entourage

And a work list:

- Nov. BTB
- New Prod.
- Dec. PD Driving Sales
- Nov. musts
- Oct. PTEN BASE check off

I have a "NO" list on my calendar too, of companies we've shunned from the publication I work on:

- NO SNAP-ON FOR MDN
- NO RINGERS 10/20/08
- NO MilleR ElectRic

When I go shopping, I'll compose a list of groceries to buy. This becomes a hodgepodge of different inks and penmanships, because it's continuously growing until the next store stop.

- olive oil
- oatmeal
- walnuts
- Nilla wafers
- bananas
- pizza rolls

I have a notebook by my desk dedicated to writing lists. I'll use acronyms, poor spelling and no punctuation. I've made lists of CDs to borrow, clothes to buy, movies to watch, and things to pack on trips (!).

The only problem really, is that I keep making new ones... instead of adding to the others. Maybe that's why I still can't remember anything.

Peanut butter jelly time

2008-10-15T11:06:00.005-05:00

After a conversation about Reese's Pieces today, it got me thinking about peanut M&Ms. Now... alone, peanut M&Ms are about the best candy around. But, dip them in peanut butter -- and imagine a flavor explosion in your mouth. (That's what she said.)

Right now, I have five jars of PB, total. Two at work, and three at home. (Except, one's actually Almond Butter... ALSO fantastic.) I go through about a jar a month. Plus, it has an excellent shelf-life.

Pretty much anything with peanut butter is amazing. Personally, I'm partial to crunchy PB; along with the creaminess, there's a great texture. MMM.

So, what other crazy combinations do I enjoy?

-- About a year ago, I discovered jelly wasn't so terrible on PB sandwiches. (I didn't used to like it.) Also a staple to anyone poor enough to not buy meats and cheeses all the time.

-- For some extra texture, throw some potato chips or Doritos onto that PB&J sandwich.

-- Ever heard of Nutella? Europeans love it. It's like peanut butter, only made out of hazelnuts... try mixing them together on most anything.

-- A hybrid form of those cheese crackers you buy at gas stations, try dipping Cheese-Its into some PB.

-- Ants on a log: A favorite from when I was a little tyke; take a long stalk of celery, smother with peanut butter, add raisins, and eat.

-- PB + Nilla Wafers = delicious.

-- PB Sundae! Forget hot fudge or caramel. Throw some warmed up peanut butter on vanilla ice cream.

Or, take a spoon. Dip in peanut butter jar. Bring up heaping pile of PB. Eat. Repeat.

CD's nuts!

2008-10-13T09:04:00.007-05:00

In the wake of lawsuits swimming around the ethics of downloading music illegally (think Napster, and the Metallica tiff), I find it odd that artist's would go out of their way to remain exclusive to one distributor -- essentially cutting off access to fans that might be interested in their work.

Exhibit A: AC/DC turns off iTunes for "Black Ice" And, not only are they refusing to offer their new album to millions of adoring fans via charged internet downloads; they've sold rights to distribute the album ONLY AT WAL-MART.

The Rolling Stones and the Police did it with albums and DVDs at Best Buy. Bob Dylan made a CD just for Victoria's Secret shoppers (In all fairness, I think his main motivation was being featured in a TV commercial next to Adriana Lima). Dave Matthews Band and Elton John recorded songs available only at Starbucks.

So if artists (or the powers that be, for said artists) limit the purchasing power of their audience, aren't they taking the risk of losing out on more fans hearing their music? And worse, not getting all their monies?

If you limit access to your music by exclusivity, you risk giving listeners the opportunity to use other means to get it, à la Napster, Kazaa or Torrent.

Some musical talent has looked for other ways to distribute their music. Radiohead started by offering their latest album, "In Rainbows," exclusively on the Internet as a download before the hard copy release date, letting listeners name their own price to download and hear it.

That's not to say I don't have some issues with downloadable music; like not having the physical evidence of it's existence. I want to be able to hold my music. Plus, buying an album supports that band. But, I'm also really good at destroying said CDs, so burned copies work just as well for my car when I don't have an axillary adapter for the iPod.

And more and more, artists profit just as much off downloads.

Bands have also started releasing songs via downloads for video games such as Rock Band and Guitar Hero, or free downloads on iTunes. I'm also a big fan of Pandora, where I've been introduced to a variety of kick ass songs and new bands.

So there might be hope for AC/DC yet. Come November, they're releasing their own version of "Rock Band" for avid players, with songs from their 1991 "Live at Donington" DVD.

But then again, that game too, will only be available at Wal-Mart.

Cube farms

2008-10-09T13:53:00.008-05:00

I feel like I escaped from the range, and I got to roam free... but then they caught me again and stuck me back in this cel--, er, cubicle.

I went to San Diego to cover a mass transit show for another magazine at work this week.

Traveling for work can be draining. It's exhausting waking up at 6 AM, running around a trade show, setting up interviews, taking pictures and writing stories. After the show floor closes, ad reps usually want to take out their clients, and request editorial to tag along for dinner and sometimes drinks, causing me to turn in at 11 PM, midnight,1 AM... whenever you can tactfully exit or leave unnoticed. Day after day for a week.

But, there are perks too.

We stayed at the Omni Hotel in DT SD, across the street from Petco Park and the Hard Rock Hotel. I ate seafood every night. I had a $30 Middleton Rare at a real Irish pub. I got a free beer stein. I saw Ed Begley Jr. talk about riding a bus for 45 minutes.

AND, the best part -- I was out of the office.

I like the diversity at shows. You're always moving, always doing something. I sleep for three days straight when I get back, from exhaustion... but it beats the everyday monotony of sitting in an office.

Now I'm back at my desk trying to avoid having my eyes gloss over while I stare at a computer screen, sorting through 300 emails, tuning out obnoxious phone conversations and listening to soft rock radio from MUZAK.

eep... help!

Om nom nom.

2008-10-01T15:00:00.007-05:00

While researching the origin of "NOM NOM NOM" and lolcatz today at work, I stumbled upon an interview with Cookie Monster on NPR's show, "On Air."

The host, Elizabeth Blair, asked Cookie Monster an altered Proust questionnaire. (Kind of like those surveys you pass around the office when you're bored to get to know co-workers, but by the third one you receive back, you start skimming... or just delete all together.)

So, I've provided the questions with Cookie Monster's answers, in quotes, as well as my own. Enjoy!

Adaptation from Proust questionnaire

Favorite word?
CM: "COOKIES."
ES: bagel, or pugnacious.

Least favorite word?
CM: "Out of cookies? That won't work...then pusillanimous."
ES: moist, or sinewy.

What noise do you love?
CM: "OM NOM NOM NOM."
ES: being outdoors, anywhere. Distant lawnmowers or traffic.

What noise do you hate?
CM: "Snoring. Me do not like snoring."
ES: Dentist drills.

What is your favorite curse word?
CM: "Me have favorite dirty word, just filthy word: Oscar the Grouch."
ES: Fuck. duh.

Who would you like to see on a new bank note?
CM: "Bert. (why?) Me think he look really nice there, the shape of Bert’s head would fit really nicely in the center of the bill."
ES: Michael Scott. same reason.

What profession, other than your own, would you least like to try?
CM: "Ophthalmology."
ES: Anything in a meat-packing plant. Or surgeon. bleh... blood.

If you were reincarnated as some other plant or animal, what would it be?
CM: "A snufalufagus."
ES: A unicorn. or a bird.

If heaven exists, what would God say at the Pearly Gates?
CM: "Cowabunga."
ES: Nothing... just pounds.

What about you?

Brass knuckles

2008-09-29T11:34:00.005-05:00

My dad taught me how to crack my knuckles. Being the curious six year old kid I was, I wanted to show off... and be an adult -- so I followed suit.

To be honest, I don't know if I actually got a good snap or pop out of those fingers in adolescence.

But today, I've become so accustomed to bending and contorting my joints in different ways, that they naturally make cracking noises whenever I move.

I can bend my toes to create a burst of noise similar to popcorn kernels popping; if I extend my arms out straight, my elbows produce a resonating crack; if I shift my back, I'll get a few good internal, hollow crunches.

There's no evidence that cracking joints is detrimental to your health, but it can become a bothersome habit, if not ear-wrenching to others.

Since starting this health kick back at the beginning of September, I've already sustained from smoking, started going to cycling class three times a week, and stopped drinking coffee -- only five days, now. yikes -- in an effort to again attempt to wean myself off caffeine.

Now this is one thing I won't give up; even if it might cause long-term problems to my joints. Whether it be habit or a simple way to relieve stress, I can't stop. I love cracking my knuckles.

The race

2008-09-25T12:09:00.009-05:00

I'm an avid supporter of democracy. I'm talking the pure form of voicing your opinion and the freedom to make your own choice.

I know the media has played a large role in determining how we should view the current presidential candidates. Subtle manipulation might have turned this race into one based on gossip, aesthetics and crowd appeal more than addressing issues and the American people... but there's still a chance we can form our own opinions.

I'm not pretending to be an expert, but here are a few less biased sites to help. And even though the government is heavily bipartisan, there are actually more than two presidential candidates. Check it out.

On The Issues This site lists the opinions of the candidates based on their votes and opinions expressed on debates and interviews about abortion, economics, foreign affairs, the military, immigration, etc.

Project Vote Smart Broken up by state, you can look at what issues candidates have voted for in-office and get a background on their character. Check out state-run elections too.

Factcheck.org Addresses the political ads that all candidates have been running, calling out and explaining inaccuracies, or misinformation.

Candidate calculator. Fill out a questionnaire (with optional links for more information on each issue) to determine the candidate that you agree with most on different issues.

You can also Google the candidates' names to check out their Web sites. Although they'll be extremely biased, you can still decide on some of the issues they're fighting for or against.

Don't forget to check out the 2008 Presidential Debate hosted at the University of Mississippi tomorrow night on TV @ 8 PM.

If you don't take the time to educate yourself and voice your own opinion, don't complain about the current (and future) state of affairs. Go vote.

Alimento delicioso

2008-09-24T12:42:00.008-05:00

Dear God, my mouf is on fire.

Best find ever? The Mexican grocery store, located smack-dab in the middle of my house and work.

The place is really called Carnicerias Guanajuato. I don't know what in the HELL that means, but they have some amazing food. Besides including a small pawn shop, fresh produce section and butcher shop, the place also has an area where you can order authentic Mexican food.

Well, the closest you can find in south central WI anyway.

The menu's displayed in Spanish, with the English equivalent, sometimes poorly translated. They have a ton of different meats including Asada (mmmm steak), Pollo (chicken), Carnitas (pork), Cabeza (beef head) and Tripa (intestines). I haven't had the Cabeza or Tripa yet. No cojones.

They have enormous burritos, nachos, quesadillas and tacos. I usually get tacos, which they make with a small corn tortilla, meat, onions and cilantro. No cheese. THAT'S IT.

They also have about half a dozen different fresh salsas, which burn the hell out of my mouth... but taste delicious.

I've never had Horchata either. It's called "rice water" in English, and tastes like sugary milk with cinnamon or nutmeg. Om nom.

The best part? The price. I spent $2.09 on a chicken taco and a beef taco, picking up the free chips and two kinds of salsa.

No mo' promotion?

2008-09-22T10:46:00.009-05:00

Sometimes, I'm not sure when it's appropriate to bring up my two cents. I'm a pretty laid back person, and I try not to get strung out about the small things.

Today, the latest issue of Professional Distributor showed up on my desk. Being one of two editors for the magazine, I paged through to check out what kind of blatant mistakes we might've missed as far as content, layout and overall visual aesthetics.

I turned to the Table of Contents on page 4, only to find for the third time since I've been on this publication that my job title was printed incorrectly.

I received a promotion from the entry level position of "Assistant" to "Associate" Editor last October (2007). Back in April, I then made a lateral move as an Associate Editor from one magazine to another.

But, right there in bold, capital letters it was printed: "Assistant Editor."

Here's a generic breakdown of editorial positions:

Editorial Intern
Assistant Editor
Associate Editor
Managing Editor
Editor
Editor-in-Chief

Now, I can understand the occasional verbal slip when a sales rep is talking to one of their clients; or maybe when someone writes a quick email -- but after already correcting the masthead for the previous issue... why in the HELL was it changed back.

When I was hired, as an Assistant Editor, I learned the in's and out's of magazine publication. I figured out how to set up interviews and research information for my readers. I learned what a dummy was, and how to do it (The monthly layout of articles and ads for each issue). I realized meetings are usually time-consuming and accomplish little. I found out the inner-workings and moral logistics of editorial content compared to selling advertisements. I know what sans serif means.

As an Associate Editor, I have more responsibility. I write more. I edit more. I ensure more information gets to our readers. I collaborate with, versus taking orders from, my editor more often.

I'd just like that to be acknowledged.

Negotiator hater

2008-09-17T10:23:00.009-05:00

I've owned my Toyota Camry going on two years now. I haven't run into trouble yet (knock on wood), but I credit preventative maintenance and knowing the limits of my vehicle to keep it in near-perfect running condition. After all, it's an investment.

I clean out garbage on a regular basis (unless I'm living out of the thing for an entire weekend). I replace filters and check fluids, including oil, making sure to get an oil change every 3-4,000 miles. That means rotating my tires every other.

So I didn't hesitate when my friend Tom let me know last February that I needed to replace my tires before the first snow fall of next year, because the tread had worn so much.

Now it's the middle of September. It's time to bite the bullet and drain my checkbook for the big investment.

I remember when I signed the contract for my car...

Two Octobers ago, I went back to Mark Toyota in Plover, WI after walking along the lines of used parked cars a couple nights before. My brother came along (for dude support), and I decided to test drive the black '03 Camry I had checked out.

I wanted it. Bad. It rode like a dream, compared to my shitty Ford Contour. It had a CD player, cruise control, power everything and came Toyota Certified for 100,000 miles. Plus, it was black.

I played the used car dealer game. He was a younger guy, maybe mid-twenties -- so there was a possibility one of us might take the other for a fool.

I sat down in the office, talked about price. The sticker sat at $18,900. No way could I afford something like that. He came back with 16 and change. I suggested something less than 15... it had over 70,000 miles. I had done my research -- the car was worth a little under $14,000 according to edmunds.com, with the mileage. He went back, said we could discuss.

I wanted to see the car again.

We checked out the gadgets, opened the trunk, turned on the stereo. I suggested $13,500. He went back in. The final price was set at $14,000. He invited us back inside for paperwork, but I declined. I told him I'd think about it.

Then he said, "If I have your word, will you take $13,500." Yep.

On the contract, I had to cross out my first name, then my last name, I spelled them wrong I was so nervous. I couldn't control the adrenaline pumping through my body, and couldn't hide the wide grin on my face. I just negotiated for, and bought, my first car.

Back to today...

I had looked up prices for tires online, and at the local Goodyear. It was about 30.00 cheaper per tire to go with the Internet price (before taxes and shipping), but I'd have to have someone mount and balance them. I called Goodyear, and said I was told $124.95 a tire, and $60 for the install. I could get them about $20 cheaper on the Internet, and would they match?

He thought about it, but said they couldn't go that low. I suggested $10 off per tire. He explained online purchases are more difficult to cover with warranties. Plus, Goodyear offers free tire rotations for the life of the tire. But -- he agreed to the new price.

I'm getting new tires Friday. And an oil change.

It takes some gall, and I get uncomfortable doing it, but negotiating is a great way to save money, and build some skillz. The worst they can say is "no."

All you have to do is ask.

Autumn atmosphere

2008-09-16T10:40:00.007-05:00

It's that time again.

When you drive to work in the morning cranking the heat because it's 40 degrees outside, but by the afternoon you have your sleeves rolled up and the windows rolled down.

Kids go back to school. Days get shorter. Thunderstorms start with cold rain and continue with three-day overcast skies. Leaves start to change color. Sweatshirts and jeans become a permanent weekend wardrobe. The onset of hibernation begins. And I love it.

It's the season that smells best.

Now, there's nothing wrong with fired up charcoal and fresh cut grass -- but by the time September comes around, I'm grilled out and my allergies have already got the best of me.

There's nothing better than the smell of crunchy leaves and dirt. Or, the smell of my clothes after being outside near campfires or in north winds.

I can't wait for October, when Neil Young's "Harvest" won't leave my CD player, and the colors really change and start to peak.

No Ken Jennings

2008-09-15T10:57:00.005-05:00

Eggplant's are actually fruits? Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer? Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest? The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle?

It's my one true weakness: useless trivia.

This weekend, I signed up to participate in the first annual Quizmaster Cruise in Milwaukee. Trivia teams who compete weekly at local Milwaukee establishments signed up to compete. I filled in as one of the eight team members for my friend Kim on her team, Quizzers with Attitude.

With a free shirt, all-you-can-eat Usinger brats and beer for no charge, I had nothing but high expectations from the start. And it didn't disappoint.

For two hours we rode along the Milwaukee river in the Edelweiss. Each of the ten teams was asked the same six questions in six different categories, for a chance to win a number of different prizes -- another weakness of mine. First prize was a set of tickets for each winner to a show for the Milwaukee Rep.

After each of the categories, individual names were also drawn for prizes like a case of Bison Blonde Lager, an England soccer jersey, a bunch of gift certificates; and the grand prize -- a nice, crisp Benjamin.

Our team came in second with a total of 49 points. We had to compete in sudden death for a chance to win a pair of tickets each to the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra (2nd place) or a copy of the Beer Guide book (3rd place).

I think the question was "how many miles of subway does London have?" or something like that. We guessed closer than the other team, and took second. Holy crap. (I really wanted the beer guide book, though.)

After that, they announced the grand prize winner for the individual prize of $100. And I won!

I've been everywhere, man.

2008-09-12T11:52:00.006-05:00

At work, we're on the cusp of trade show season. As one of the editor's for Professional Tools & Equipment News and Professional Distributor. I usually fill my time in the office writing about tools for mechanics (yeah, wrenches and ball pine hammers) and stories for mobile tool dealers (think Snap-on).

I don't work for a glamorous industry by any means, but I do get to check out different places all over the U.S., without spending a dime.

I love being able to travel to different places, learn the different cities and try out new restaurants. Of course, I have to work by going out with the sales staff when they take out clients, and I'm in charge of going to different company booths to pick up product information, which I'll eventually write about. It's not a vacation, but it gets me out of my cube.

October kicks off my time more frequently out of the office, where I'll be wined and dined at the company's expense. That also means I'll be dealing the most concentrated gathering of 35- to 50-year-old men in one central location.

Oct. 4-8, 2008 - ATPA Expo; San Diego, CA
Okay, this is a freebie, and it's not for my magazine. I'm doing the show daily for our company's Mass Transit publication.

Nov. 3-7, 2008 - AAPEX and SEMA; Las Vegas, NV
Biggest show for our industry, apparently. No other shows are booked in Vegas this week, and it takes up the entire LV Convention Center. It's a big deal.

Jan. 15-19, 2009 - Mac Tool Fair; San Antonio, TX

March 8-11, 2009 - Matco Show; Las Vegas, NV

March 13-15, 2009 - Cornwell; Anaheim, CA

You almost forgot...

2008-09-11T09:02:00.004-05:00

I was walking to my 2nd hour German IV class senior year of high school. It was Tuesday.

Ben Wright stormed in telling the class one of the World Trade Center buildings in NYC had been hit by a plane. Frau Marshall let us turn on the TV to watch.

It had to be a mistake. A miscalculation with the air tower. How does a plane hit a 110-story building, on accident?

Then, the second plane hit the south tower.

First reaction? Confusion. Then, disbelief.

By the end of 2nd hour, the first tower had collapsed.

No one understood what a terrorist attack was. (I'm not talking blatant media scare tactics. I mean actual violence inflicted to make a statement, while jeopardizing innocent human lives as collateral damage.)

Mr. Bauduin, my 3rd hour Psychology teacher, let us watch CNN. I remember bodies falling from the 96th floor. Or the 100th floor? Little black dots, almost confused with the billion sheets of paper floating to the ground. But bodies don't float through the air the same way.

No one talked in the halls. No one did school work. After lunch, the teachers in my classes had shut off the TVs, but no one did any work.

I worked at Festival Foods after school that night. Some people commented; wondered what the world was coming to. Others kept their heads down with sober eyes. Everyone bought canned goods. Bottled water. Propane tanks. Firewood.

I remember bits and pieces days and weeks after. I watched CNN and MSNBC daily. I became obsessed with how the buildings fell, why it happened, finding the victims, and watching every minuscule detail unfold. I felt like I was apart of it -- directly affected.

For awhile, patriotism ran rampant. People smiled and helped out. Neighbors were cordial, if not downright friendly.

And everyone kept saying, "It takes this for people to appreciate others?"

I don't remember when I turned off my TV. It's been seven years.

Simple distractions

2008-09-09T11:20:00.007-05:00

This morning at work, my editor Brendan, and I had a 15-minute talk leading to a discussion of how crreepy dolls and clowns are. And what I love more than anything, is being distracted from doing actual work. (I <3 FB and digg.com)

My boss Brendan's pretty good about continuing random conversations. We've talked about baseball or football, Rita Hayworth, Jackson Pollock and Picasso, movies, the meaning of names, Irish rowing teams, George Dickel Whisky and other useless, yet highly retainable, facts and random information.

Conversations might start with a simple question or statement, but they continue with tangents. I mean, not everyone continually talks about the weather, or sports.

For example, I asked my co-worker, Dionne, what she did last weekend. Then, she asked me. We ended up talking about her plans to get a hummingbird tattoo for her birthday from her husband.

Striking up random conversations with co-workers is also one of the best ways to get out of my cube and visit people. Makes the day go by faster.

A quick fix

2008-09-04T14:09:00.009-05:00

I'm a firm believer in not taking medication unless it's absolutely necessary. Headache? Drink some water and eat a banana. Stomach ache? tea or hot chocolate. Hangover? A 1/2-lb. cheeseburger, followed by daylong napping.

But last night, I felt the onset of something terrible: allergies.

This affliction started the spring of eighth grade. No big deal -- some itchy eyes, stuffy nose, etc. I started taking Benadryl, Sudafed and Claritin to deal with the symptoms. But every time I'd miss a day or two of pills, the symptoms came back twice as harsh.

Well into H.S., I realized my immune system was slowly giving up. I read somewhere that every time you take artificial drugs, your body doesn't work as hard to fend for itself.

I decided to take my allergy meds (or any other medication, for that matter) only if it's absolutely necessary.

Which brings me to this morning.

I woke up involuntarily rubbing my eyes because they itched something fierce. I kept sneezing. My nose was running and stuffed at the same time (How in the HELL is that possible). I had a perpetual tickle in my throat. I couldn't even drink coffee for breakfast it sounded so unappealing; I had to resort to black tea.

I didn't even take anything in Tacoma when I was around Marla's cat. But this... this was much worse.

So, I gave in. For the first time in two years, I took a Claritin. Now I feel like a relapsing drug addict.

But maybe one more wouldn't hurt...

Guess who's back

2008-09-02T13:44:00.007-05:00

You might've noticed; I haven't been around much the past couple weeks.

I got back yesterday from one of the best vacations I've ever been on. Probably not saying much, all things considered... but I've had my fair share of travels.

I went with Michelle, my fellow Geebz native and partner in crime, to the west coast. We started off in Los Angeles last Thursday night (8/21) and drove up the coast ending in Seattle.

A few highlights:

-- Tabs at L.A. bars are ridiculous. Michelle bought a round of four Jagerbombs and three beers for $58. Add on a $12 tip.

-- Everyone in California drinks Stella Artois.

-- Bears really do attack cars if you leave shit in them. E.g., In Yosemite, the rear passenger side door of the Mitsubishi Gallant two down from our rental was pulled from its frame with a shattered window, and the back driver's side seat was peeled back, tin can lid style.

-- SF has the most obscenely steep streets to walk on, with grades of up to 60 degrees. I swear.

-- I overcame my fear of sharks while surfing in Santa Cruz, and replaced it with a more realistic fear of drowning while being pummeled by waves.

-- Locals and other travelers asking for directions is the most sincere form of tourist flattery. Even if you can't help them.

-- Drive the Pacific Coast Highway. It's winding as hell, but the scenery more than makes up for it.

-- Jedediah Smith can go fuck himself.

-- Pacific Northwest cities (namely Portland and Seattle) have some of the most amazing architecture, with plenty of mirrored glass and windows.

-- Tacoma has the highest concentration per square mile of teriyaki restaurants. Examples include the simple, yet poignant "Teriyaki," "Teriyaki Time," "Teriyaki Restaurant" and my personal favorite "Burgers and Teriyaki."

-- I really could live in Seattle, if within walking distance of Pike's Place Market.

I realized when planning a big trip, people are more than willing to offer suggestions and recommendations for places to go. Every bit helps, even if you don't follow through with the suggestions, you're still aware of all your options.

Having friends along the way helps break up the monotony of being on the road solo, and the intimidation of big cities. And, we were fortunate enough to have the most gracious hosts in L.A., SF and Tacoma.

Top 5 movies

2008-08-06T14:07:00.005-05:00

I love movies, but I usually don't have the opportunity to watch many. If I get recommendations, I'm more apt to view... so let me know.

This list involves mostly contemporary movies, as opposed to things I might've liked when I was 12 years old. Maybe that's another list.

In no particular order:

1. Almost Famous (2000)
Almost Famous follows the assignment of a 16-year-old about to graduate high school when Rolling Stone mistakes him for a freelance writer and hires him to tour and write the cover story of the (fictional) band Stillwater. The soundtrack to this movie is amazing. The storyline relate able. The acting fantastic. I wanted to be Penny Lane -- Kate Hudson is beautiful, articulate and captivating (Really, I like men.) And I wanted Will Miller. (Maybe I still do.) There's humor and heartbreak, with a unique storyline and great cast.

2. Pulp Fiction (1994)
Where the hell does Tarantino come up with this? I love that the movie itself is out of order, and every story intertwines with one another. The characters are unique, the concept outrageous... with another exceptional cast including Samuel L., Travolta, Uma Thurman, Bruce Willis, and cameos from Steve Bushemi and Christopher Walken (!). Every time I watch, I see something new. The movie also has a great soundtrack.

3. Taxi Driver (1976)
Oh, Robert Di Niro.
Taxi Driver focuses on the character of Travis Bickle, an insomniac and unstable war vet that takes up a third shift job driving a taxi. Scorcese has a way with helping the viewer get into his characters' heads, and I like how the movie climaxes at the end -- as if you've held your breath the entire time, waiting for Bickle to snap. The mental deterioration keeps me watching, and I love the ending.

Fun fact: This movie was criticized for portraying Jodie Foster in her first film ever, as a 12-year-old prostitute. (She was 14.)

4. Pan's Labryinth (2006)
Don't be turned off by the subtitles. Guillermo del Toro came up with the story's concept and translated them on his own. The movie's set in fascist Spain during WWII, when a girl moves to the countryside with her widowed mother, who has married a Spanish captain. The plot itself keeps you watching, with the ideas of reality and fantasy intertwined through the eyes of the little girl. But it's not for little kids. There's not much blood and guts, but the scenes that include it are more intense, graphic and poignant. So good.

5. No Country For Old Men (2007) and Full Metal Jacket (1987)
It's a tie. I grouped these together because they're more similar than the rest. I'll explain why I picked both.

The Coen brothers are exceptional writers and directors (e.g., Fargo and The Big Lebowski), and this movie follows suit. Some people were put off by the ending, but it's on a short list of mediocre gripes compared to the excellence that is suspense and action-packed violence and blood. I love the "cat and mouse" concept; it's dirty, heartless, manly and makes the world simple and complex at the same time. Plus, there's no score. And I didn't even notice until the end of the movie. Amazing.

Seven-six-two millimeter. Full. Metal. Jacket. If blood's involved, I'm a fan of movies about war. In particular, I like FMJ because it's not just about the action, but the underlying idea that war dehumanizes people. There's a unique approach with the direction of Stanley Kubrick, and the cinematography is phenomenal. Plus, every other line is quotable. (think, "What's your damage, Private Pyle?" or "Me love you long time.")

Runners up: Donnie Darko, Trainspotting, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Sideways

Top 5 Books

2008-08-05T09:53:00.004-05:00

Because I went to school for English and writing, it's only fitting I start with books. I have a more traditional approach to reading, just because of the whole English Lit. thing. I'm getting into more contemporary books but the classics keep me coming back. I'm also partial to books that focus on characters more than plot. Don't get me wrong, moving the story along keeps me reading, but what happens to the people in the story keeps me engaged.

Here they are, in no particular order. Except for the first one... because it's my favorite book of all time.

1. The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway
Hemingway is by far my favorite author. His succinct, non-fluff writing style keeps me engaged because it's simple, but packed with interpretation (Read his short story, "Hills Like White Elephants.")

I've read this book at least five times. And that's alot considering I usually never re-read a book. The story takes you through expatriate Jake Barnes life with a group of friends on a vacation to Spain for the running of the bulls. Most of the book involves the main group of characters going out every night to enjoy fine restaurants and to drink excessively. It's about Jake's self-discovery, or lack thereof, and his interactions and interpretations of other characters. Along with awesome character development and an engaging plotline, each time I read it, I discover more details I hadn't noticed before.

2. Galapagos by Kurt Vonnegut
My first experience with Vonnegut didn't disappoint. I had been vaguely familiar with his writing style and outrageous stories. A social commentator, Vonnegut also focuses on evolution and afterlife in Galapagos. I also love the quirky, cynical humor that Vonnegut incorporates in his books and short stories.

The narrator is a million year old spirit that watches and comments on the development of a group of the last humans on Earth. They've survived by evolving into seal-like creatures with tiny brains. (Sound like KV?) This narrator keeps the plot out of sequence and the reader doesn't really know what's going on until the end. And BTW, it's one of the best endings I've ever read.

3. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
Another one of my favorite authors, Steinbeck has a way with writing short, simple sentences, while keeping the story itself dynamic and exciting.

The Grapes of Wrath follows the Joad family's move from Oklahoma to California during the Great Depression to look for work. It's a longer but faster read, and the chapters are also broken up with perspectives from different characters, along with reflective interludes or objective descriptions of the landscape, cities or other families.

I felt like I got to know the Joad family intimately, and was with them through the struggles and sacrifices they dealt with.

4. The Stranger by Albert Camus (pronounced Kea-moo)
Camus was an atheist. The main character, Meursault, is also an atheist. But neither preach about it. It just is. Meursault seems like a pompous, arrogant asshole... but he might just be more of a sociopath. Or just socially inept.

Meursault goes through the motions of everyday life without question. Really, it seems like there's little plot, until he takes vacation with some friends, and "accidently" shoots an Arab on the beach.

You learn the most about the main character once he's on trial for murder. The book itself helped me understand my own ideas about happens after you die, and to not necessarily worry about death but what you do while your'e still alive.

5. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
The famous Holden Caufield comes right out of the pages with his cynical demeanor and negative attitude toward everyone around him. He might act like a tough guy, but he's really a depressed, naive kid that skips out on school to aimlessly walk the streets of NYC.

I've read this one at least three times.

There really is no plot, except that at the beginning of the novel, you know Caufield is telling his story from some kind of institution... the driving force may be to find out why he ended up there.
Another great book for discovering the depth of a character.

Runners up: One Flew Over the Cukoo's Nest by Ken Kesey, The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath, In Cold Blood by Truman Capote, Middlesex by Jeffrey Euginides

Top Fives

2008-07-31T10:59:00.003-05:00

In following suit and jumping on the bandwagon, I've decided to compile my own list of Top Fives. Since I'm getting a late start, this'll be a two week extravaganza.

Stay tuned.

No mo' joe.

2008-07-29T10:00:00.010-05:00

I walked into the work break room this morning to come upon the fresh aroma of cheap coffee. Usually, I'm turned off by this unsightly smell because I'm enjoying my own gourmet java at my desk. But not today. Today, I'm cut off -- and it's not just my favorite dark-roasted, semi-toasted, freshly ground, full flavored brew. I'm taking a break from all caffeine.

It started my freshman year of college. I drank 2-4 cups of coffee a week -- more for all-nighters. When I started working at the campus newspaper, I had to drink more than one cup in a day. Then, with my induction to the full-time world I bought my first insulated mug, to keep my hot brew...hot, on the rides to work.

Thus it began. Not only did the artificial energy keep me drinking, the taste was (and still is) most appealing too. Now I grind whole gourmet and flavored beans for a fresher taste. My coffee pot works over-time on a daily basis.

This needs to stop.

I read an article from last week's New Yorker called "The Eureka Hunt."

Initially drawn by a favorite quip and my own nickname, I started reading to discover how humans form insights. The article itself discusses the importance of coming to an impasse, or roadblock, in an idea or problem you're working on. You then have to let your mind wander. Insights, or "Aha!" solutions, come about mostly through the right hemisphere making small, and seemingly disconnected, thoughts come together to create an answer.

What does this have to do with caffeine?

The doctor's interviewed explained that although caffeine, along with other focus-inducing stimulants, helps people concentrate on something in particular; it might hinder the brains ability to think creatively, and let the mind wander. When our minds wander, the brain can connect these unrelated thoughts and make us conscious of the answer we didn't know we were looking for.

So today I'll be sitting at my desk, either coming up with great ideas to reduce air pollution, cure cancer and create an efficient way to keep my desk organized; or drooling facedown in a coffee-deprived coma.

The Toof

2008-07-25T10:31:00.005-05:00

I don't think I lost all my baby teeth. In fourth grade, I remember having loose teeth and waiting for them to fall out... but I have a memory lapse -- I got braces in fifth grade (and had them until junior year of high school; I was THAT big of a nerd.)

Did I lose all of them? What if I still have teeth that are going to fall out?

Why do we only have one set of teeth? After you're seven years old, you're stuck with the ones you've got. Too bad if they get knocked out, get cavities, or rot out of your mouth.

I'm not much for dream interpretation, but I distinctly remember reading that dreams about teeth falling out mean a change in your life. Not sure if it's just a big, upcoming event, or a change you hope to implement.

A couple weeks ago, I had one of those dreams. Like most, I can't remember everything that happened. I've probably had about half a dozen dreams about teeth, ever.

Does that mean I didn't lose all my baby teeth? Is change coming? Am I crazy?

I don't know; but, I did decide to cut my hair last week.

Check please!

2008-07-24T10:57:00.008-05:00

There are some jobs everyone should try, in order to respect their fellow mensch.

I've worked in a call center for a bank (never, ever, ever again). My inaugural employment started by serving Big Macs (I still have a tie-dyed "Get Back With Big Mac" t-shirt. Somewhere. We had to wear Lennon-esque shades. It was torture). My high school job consisted of learning every department of our local grocery store (They made me wear a band-aid over my nose ring.)

Last night, I waitressed for the sixth time in my life. I was the only one serving food, with tables of 10 requesting to eat. Chaos. In general, food service is the most under-appreciated, sweat-inducing, high-stressed job.

Wisconsin employees earn $6.50 per hour for minimum wage. Servers earn $2.33 per hour. That's almost one-third the regular amount. Theory is, we're earning tips.

First, you get drinks. Then you take their order. Bring ketchup and condiments. Don't forget napkins, and silverware. If they want a refill? Tough. You wanted a water, with lemon -- and no ice? It's water, honey. Oh, heavy on the Bacardi in your rum & coke? I'm sorry, take it up with the bartender. You want your appetizer before the actual meal? Nope.

You're at the mercy of the cook, because they control the food. I can apologize, bring more napkins and refill drinks... but that doesn't cook the food faster. Or make it more tasty.

Until now, I took servers for granted. I tipped the general 15 percent for a decent meal. Not anymore.

The next time you eat out, and your server brings you ketchup with the meal or asks if you need a refill without prompting; return the favor by paying her back. Literally.

Restroom woes

2008-07-22T11:04:00.007-05:00

I walked down to the bathroom today to do my business, expecting a nice 5-10 minute hiatus from the cubicle. I enter, look around and see the bathroom's empty. I go for the last stall, no one around. Perfect.

All of a sudden, I hear someone enter. Walking briskly, six other stalls before her -- she stops, slams and latches the door... RIGHT NEXT TO ME.

WTF.

I think, the public bathroom happens to be one of the more private places to retreat at work. Although there's only a 1/2-inch thick metal wall between me and the rest of the world, I'd like to think I'm all alone when nature calls. So don't sit next to me.

When guys go to the bathroom, do they instinctively gravitate toward the lone man taking a leak, while surrounded by three urinals on either side?

Why, then, would someone feel so inclined to pee right next to me?