Top Fives

In following suit and jumping on the bandwagon, I've decided to compile my own list of Top Fives. Since I'm getting a late start, this'll be a two week extravaganza.

Stay tuned.

No mo' joe.

I walked into the work break room this morning to come upon the fresh aroma of cheap coffee. Usually, I'm turned off by this unsightly smell because I'm enjoying my own gourmet java at my desk. But not today. Today, I'm cut off -- and it's not just my favorite dark-roasted, semi-toasted, freshly ground, full flavored brew. I'm taking a break from all caffeine.

It started my freshman year of college. I drank 2-4 cups of coffee a week -- more for all-nighters. When I started working at the campus newspaper, I had to drink more than one cup in a day. Then, with my induction to the full-time world I bought my first insulated mug, to keep my hot brew...hot, on the rides to work.

Thus it began. Not only did the artificial energy keep me drinking, the taste was (and still is) most appealing too. Now I grind whole gourmet and flavored beans for a fresher taste. My coffee pot works over-time on a daily basis.

This needs to stop.

I read an article from last week's New Yorker called "The Eureka Hunt."

Initially drawn by a favorite quip and my own nickname, I started reading to discover how humans form insights. The article itself discusses the importance of coming to an impasse, or roadblock, in an idea or problem you're working on. You then have to let your mind wander. Insights, or "Aha!" solutions, come about mostly through the right hemisphere making small, and seemingly disconnected, thoughts come together to create an answer.

What does this have to do with caffeine?

The doctor's interviewed explained that although caffeine, along with other focus-inducing stimulants, helps people concentrate on something in particular; it might hinder the brains ability to think creatively, and let the mind wander. When our minds wander, the brain can connect these unrelated thoughts and make us conscious of the answer we didn't know we were looking for.

So today I'll be sitting at my desk, either coming up with great ideas to reduce air pollution, cure cancer and create an efficient way to keep my desk organized; or drooling facedown in a coffee-deprived coma.

The Toof

I don't think I lost all my baby teeth. In fourth grade, I remember having loose teeth and waiting for them to fall out... but I have a memory lapse -- I got braces in fifth grade (and had them until junior year of high school; I was THAT big of a nerd.)

Did I lose all of them? What if I still have teeth that are going to fall out?

Why do we only have one set of teeth? After you're seven years old, you're stuck with the ones you've got. Too bad if they get knocked out, get cavities, or rot out of your mouth.

I'm not much for dream interpretation, but I distinctly remember reading that dreams about teeth falling out mean a change in your life. Not sure if it's just a big, upcoming event, or a change you hope to implement.

A couple weeks ago, I had one of those dreams. Like most, I can't remember everything that happened. I've probably had about half a dozen dreams about teeth, ever.

Does that mean I didn't lose all my baby teeth? Is change coming? Am I crazy?

I don't know; but, I did decide to cut my hair last week.

Check please!

There are some jobs everyone should try, in order to respect their fellow mensch.

I've worked in a call center for a bank (never, ever, ever again). My inaugural employment started by serving Big Macs (I still have a tie-dyed "Get Back With Big Mac" t-shirt. Somewhere. We had to wear Lennon-esque shades. It was torture). My high school job consisted of learning every department of our local grocery store (They made me wear a band-aid over my nose ring.)

Last night, I waitressed for the sixth time in my life. I was the only one serving food, with tables of 10 requesting to eat. Chaos. In general, food service is the most under-appreciated, sweat-inducing, high-stressed job.

Wisconsin employees earn $6.50 per hour for minimum wage. Servers earn $2.33 per hour. That's almost one-third the regular amount. Theory is, we're earning tips.

First, you get drinks. Then you take their order. Bring ketchup and condiments. Don't forget napkins, and silverware. If they want a refill? Tough. You wanted a water, with lemon -- and no ice? It's water, honey. Oh, heavy on the Bacardi in your rum & coke? I'm sorry, take it up with the bartender. You want your appetizer before the actual meal? Nope.

You're at the mercy of the cook, because they control the food. I can apologize, bring more napkins and refill drinks... but that doesn't cook the food faster. Or make it more tasty.

Until now, I took servers for granted. I tipped the general 15 percent for a decent meal. Not anymore.

The next time you eat out, and your server brings you ketchup with the meal or asks if you need a refill without prompting; return the favor by paying her back. Literally.

Restroom woes

I walked down to the bathroom today to do my business, expecting a nice 5-10 minute hiatus from the cubicle. I enter, look around and see the bathroom's empty. I go for the last stall, no one around. Perfect.

All of a sudden, I hear someone enter. Walking briskly, six other stalls before her -- she stops, slams and latches the door... RIGHT NEXT TO ME.

WTF.

I think, the public bathroom happens to be one of the more private places to retreat at work. Although there's only a 1/2-inch thick metal wall between me and the rest of the world, I'd like to think I'm all alone when nature calls. So don't sit next to me.

When guys go to the bathroom, do they instinctively gravitate toward the lone man taking a leak, while surrounded by three urinals on either side?

Why, then, would someone feel so inclined to pee right next to me?

Birthday presence

This Saturday my brother, Matthias, turns 23 years old.

For the last 22.8 years, I thought his birthday was on July 27. Not so. I can tell you it's on the 26th. I guarantee it.

I plan to drive up to GB this weekend for his birthday. Now, I think my visiting would be an exceptional present, but I'm afraid he'd disagree with me.

I need some ideas.

He likes playing his 360, watching MST3K, the Marx Brothers and Monty Python, speaking German, and has the uncanny ability to recall random facts about medieval and WWII history. He also likes dinosaurs. At least he did when he was eight.

Maybe I'll take him to see The Dark Knight. That's a good bday present, right? Except anytime I go somewhere with him alone, I think people think we're dating; and that's weird.

Word games

I read Merriam-Webster's Word of the Day on a daily basis. It helps expand my lexicon; and I like learning.

Today's word:

bogart (BOH-gart) v.
1. to bully, intimidate
2. to use or consume without sharing


Here are some fun words you should incorporate into your vocabulary today.

bezonian (bye-ZOH-knee-uhn) n.
an indignant rascal; a scoundrel.

"That bezonian didn't even pay up for his share of the bill."

bibliobibuli (bib-leo-bib-u-lee) n.
those who read too much.

ecdysiast (ek-dizzy-ast) n.
a stripper; stripteaser

katzenjammer (kat-zin-jam-err) n.
1. a hangover
2. distressed
3. a loud, discordant noise

mordant (more-dunt) adj.
biting and caustic in thought; bitingly sarcastic

pulchritude (pull-kra-tude) n.
attractiveness

(my brother really likes this word, for some reason.)

squiffed (sk-wiffed) n.
intoxicated, drunk

"Because I was squiffed after drinking an entire bottle of Jack Daniels last night, I have a mad katzenjammer this morning."


There are also a couple things I didn't know there were words for.


aglet (ey-glet) n.
the plastic tip on the end of a shoelace

gound (g-ow-nd) n.
the gunk that collects in the corners of the eyes during sleep

octothorpe (ah-kt-o-th-or-p) n.
the '#' symbol; also, "octothorp."



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