Got gum?

This afternoon, I walked over to the gas station to buy a cup of coffee. I knew I had at least a dollar's worth of change in my coat pocket, so I wandered over, filled the cup and walked up to the register.

As I pulled out my handful of change, I noticed there were blue, sticky bits plastered to all the coins. WHAT IS THIS?

I tried to cover up my unruly pocket full of quarters and dimes by hovering over my hand while picking out the correct coinage.

Apparently, I left a stick of gum (unchewed, thank you) in my pocket awhile back. After all the abuse of jingling change, the gum couldn't handle the pressure and EXPLODED all over.

Keep on keeping on

"The long run puts the tiger in the cat." --Bill Squires, marathon trainer

As many of you already know, I made a few New Year's resolutions in January. To update everyone on the status, and keep myself motivated, here's a little update:

Read books
I've taken certain liberties with this first one. Right now I'm reading The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde. Good so far. I've also been keeping up on my Time and New Yorker subscriptions, for the most part.

Other than that, I've become more familar with other forms of literature, including comic books. We'll blame Gregor. But don't laugh yet. I've read Watchmen, and became completely enveloped with the story. I focused so much on it, I was able to finish the whole book within a week, in time to see the movie in theaters. (Which I found mildly disappointing.) Also for Christmas, I got the beginning series of Y: The Last Man, about the only dude left alive after a plague wipes out everyone with a Y chromosome. It's written by Brian K. Vaughn; also one of the lead writers for the TV series, Lost. Reading Y is like watching an episode of a TV show, but you're actually reading. Awesome, and highly recommended.

Visit another country
Completed this last month with a trip down to Florida. Headed to Miami and took a short cruise over to the Bahamas. But even though I showed off my passport to customs, et al, it wasn't that gratifying -- no stamps! But my stepdad promises to remedy this by taking all of his and my mom's kids to Mexico next March.

Control my finances
Working on it. I'm still using mint.com, and it's come in handy to keep me on track (for the most part). I also write down every expense in my ledger, religiously. So, not only do I keep track of things going in and out of my account online, I record how much money comes out exactly when I spend it.

I just have to keep in mind summer's coming up; where I'll want to go to every Brewer game possible, along with camping trips, Summerfest, music concerts and cookouts. Gotta keep it frugal.

Participate in a marathon
My final, and most ambitious feat. (ooh, punz.) I promised myself I'd train hard for a half marathon first (13.1 miles compared to a full marathon at 23.2 miles), because I'VE NEVER RAN A LONG DISTANCE IN MY LIFE. No cross country, no 5Ks, no H.S. track.

Since beginning my training I've had bloody feet, blisters, caluses, shin splints, sores and aching muscles.

Up until recently, I had started falling off the training schedule. I struggled walking into the gym three times a week, not anticipating staring at myself in the mirror while I pushed through five miles on a treadmill. Ugh. It was mundane, boring, overdone.

But two weeks ago, I threw on some sweatpants, a long-sleeved shirt and my kicks, and decided to head outside. Only about 45 degrees, I immediately regretted the decision of not bundling up -- until I started running. And I kept running. I made it about 5 miles running, with another 2 miles totaled before and after, for a 7-mile loop.

I had never gone long distances outside, but figured I needed something to change it up. I didn't take for granted the fact that my scenery was changing. I wasn't just running in place, I was going somewhere. It felt amazing.

Then I did it again last Thursday. I planned out a loose trail to follow via mapmyrun.com for my long run of the week, and went to it. I ran a full 7 miles, with an additional 1.5 for warm-up and cooldown, totaling 8.5 miles. And I'm certain I experienced my first-ever real runner's high.

For the second time since I started training, at the end of my route I wanted to throw my hands up in the air and break through the finish line. I felt like I had accomplished something. This was bigger than me.

So, in the final stretch of training -- I know I won't compete professionally with some of those other runners -- my body has already done things I would've never even dreamed of. Here's to finishing up the last seven weeks of training.

On Wisconsin

For some reason, I thought Wisconsin's slogan was always "Forward." But that's a motto. I don't know what the difference is.

Anyway, Governor Doyle, et al, enlisted a company to come up with a new state slogan for the Department of Tourism. What'd they come up with? This:

"Live like you mean it." It reminds me of a Killers song. And what's with that dude doing a cartwheel?

Creative? Not really. Catchy? Meh. Scrutinized by the public majority? Oh, you betcha.

Check out what Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel columnst Jim Stingl has to say about the new slogan:New state slogan raises ridicule to a sport.

What was wrong with the old one, "Life's so Good?" Why fix something that's not broken. Not that that one took much either. Besides, the Department of Tourism already laid off all of the meet-n-greeters at state border visitor centers.

But wait a tick -- this isn't the first time that slogan has been used. Back in 2005, Bacardi came up with a marketing scheme based on that same phrase. Fitting I suppose, since we're known as the state of drunks.

Here are a few examples of other potential slogans I've found on different message boards, or heard on the radio during "Kramp & Adler" on 102.1.

-Wisconsin: The other white state.
-Eat cheese or die.
-Wisconsin, where it's always windy because Minnesota blows and Michigan sucks.
-I love dairy air./Smell our dairy air.
-Honk if you love cheeses

And, my favorite:

-Wisconsin: the state shaped like an oven mit.

The last one

Yesterday my friend Kim baked some delicious Irish Soda Bread for St. Patrick's Day.

I ran over as soon as she hit "send" on the email announcing her baked goodies to pick up a piece. But what struck me as odd happened about three hours later; the fact that there was still a slice sitting on top of the filing cabinet. Just one slice.

It happens a lot with food -- That last tasty nacho chip, the last bite of a sammich, the last slice of pizza. (Man, now I'm hungry.) But I've also seen it at stores. The last magazine on the shelf, or the last bottle of shampoo.

It seems like the last of anything is there for a reason. It's somehow tainted and has remained neglected by everyone else. What's wrong with it? Why doesn't anyone want it?

Oohooh that smell

Few people are familiar with the unique landmarks Fort Atkinson has to offer. We have the world-famous Fireside Dinner Theater, where visitors can enjoy a delicious meal during a broadway show; Nasco, a manufacturer of educational materials, arts, crafts and farm equipment; and the National Dairy Shrine (right across from my house!).

You must be thinking, "Gee, what else could Fort Atkinson possibly have?"

Let me tell you.

Along with all those glorious attractions, Fort has all those beat with one little subsidiary of a manufacturing plant. For McCain frozen foods. Along with preparing and cooking things like french fries, tater tots, Aromatic Thai Corn, Rising Crust Pizzas and Old South juice concentrates, they have one item that trumps them all: onion rings.

I'm not saying in terms of delicious. I won't argue that onion rings are any better or worse than tater tots, or aromatic Thai corn. I'm arguing in terms of the rank production smell factor.

Generally, the stench doesn't get too foul until mid-summer. Some days, you can't smell a thing unless you're driving right past. And sometimes, it's just like the smell of cooking onion rings -- which is delicious for about 20 minutes. After smelling it for five hours, it becomes nauseating.

But on days like today (even though it's 20 degrees), when the wind's just right, a stronger onion-y aroma envelopes the town. And by onion-y aroma, I mean it smells like a bear got into a patch of onions, ate every last one, and shit himself while walking around the entire city.

Ride on

I knew it was going to happen. My baby would grow up. So, on my way to Milwaukee last Friday I figured I'd be ready, camera phone in hand, for the big moment. My Shaniqua was going to hit her 100,000-mile mark.

But on our way to Germantown last Saturday to see The Toys, I realized she was going to do it for Gregor instead. YOUUU BITCH.

Good thing I was sitting in the front, so I could document the action anyway. Kind of.

PROOF!

I bought my black 2003 Toyota Camry, a.k.a. Shaniqua, in October 2006. She had about 75,000 miles. With the exception of replacing the battery and tires, she's been pretty low maintenance. Of course, I still get routine oil changes and tire rotations, plus check the fluids, car washes regularly, etc. If I'm good to her, maybe she'll return the favor.

On average, car owners put about 10,000 miles per year. I'd say I'm right on track, and since Toyotas stay on the road for an average of 900,000 miles (give or take?), I'd say I've got years to go with her.

Stand by... for news

Back when I was a young tyke, my mom helped my brother and I avoid sweltering Milwaukee summers, where we'd inadvertently be stuck inside, blasting AC and watching TV. She sent us to stay with our grandparents each summer on the lake in Door County.

Every day at lunch, my grandpa turned on his beige Bose stereo to the local radio station, WDOR, tuning in to hear radio news broadcaster Paul Harvey announce and discuss the day's headlines.

After the announcement for News and Comment, "This is Paul Harvey (pregnant pause)... stand by for news!" we didn't say much at the table. Everyone sat facing the radio as we ate and listened -- sometimes my grandpa would grumble or make some comment. Otherwise, we willingly obliged to keep the noise down.

We even kept quiet during the commercials, which Harvey read with the same enthusiasm and voice inflection as the news. The one I remember most was Bose radio; which is why I'm sure my grandpa had one too.

Harvey had a distinct voice, and announced with clear pronunciation. Although he was pretty conservative; from what I remember, he still broadcast the news without a noticeable bias (Then again, I was only eight). Harvey had a way of explaining what was going on with the rest of the world, and helped me appreciate that I wasn't so isolated stuck in a cottage near a lake in northeastern Wisconsin -- even if he was thousands of miles away.

I think it's also why to this day I like hearing news on the radio (like NPR) instead of watching it. At eight years old, I didn't understand how adults could sit through an entire half hour of local news on TV. What about Tail Spin and Duck Tales? But I still listened to Paul Harvey.

In the afternoons, we had to keep the TV down, go outside, or keep quiet in the kitchen, so grandpa could listen to Harvey's The Rest of the Story. Since the show broadcast at 3 PM -- snack time! --, I'd sometimes opt to sit in front of the radio with grandpa with my two gingersnaps or some juicy slices of watermelon.

I liked The Rest of the Story program more, because each segment focused on a certain person, place or thing. They were short interest-pieces, with a twist at the end, where Harvey would finish with "And now you know, the rest of the story." (See: News and Comment is to New York Times, as The Rest of the Story is to Time magazine.)

Last Sunday, February 28, Paul Harvey passed away. He started broadcasting on April 1, 1951, and continued up until a week before he died. He was 91 years old.

Down by da beach, boii

Stock photo. I forgot my camera at home.
So, Gregor and I took a long weekend to spend a few days down south in the Caribbean. Gorgeous weather, beautiful sand beaches, salty sea water, ample people-watching and a visit to Chadley made the trip complete.


Twenty things I took away from the trip:

1. Black women love Carlton, and subsequently, Gregor. White people think that Carlton is MLK Jr.
2. Cruises attract more foreigners than you think. We heard at least a dozen different languages in three days.
3. If you go on a cruise, get a window or a porthole in your room. Mirrors are sufficient in tricking you into thinking you're in a bigger room than you are, but they don't make good substitutes for real light, so you don't know what time it is when you wake up.
4. Stingrays are scary motherfuckers.
5. I can't wait for summer.
6. While napping on the beach, move magazines and other reading materials away from you. Heat and sweat make the ink stick to your face like a temporary tattoo if you fall asleep on them. Oops.
7. 1 nautical knot = 1.8 km. (1 mi = 2.2 km)
8. Small children speaking a different language is pretty much the most adorable thing ever. Especially Italian or French.
9. I discovered my new profession: Haggling. (At the Straw Market in Nassau)
10. People watching is the best lazy sport ever, especially with Foster's oil cans and Stella Artois.
11. The more European, the smaller the swimsuit. (Dudes, too. Especially dudes.)
12. Made of Honour is probably the most terrible movie ever made.
13. Just because a chicken "club" sandwich is $24 doesn't mean it tastes amazing. Or actually has bacon on it. Rich bastards.
14. No one in Florida knows how to drive. NO ONE. Maybe it's because 92 percent of them are talking on cell phones at any given time.
15. Said driving made me become an increasingly aggressive driver. By that I mean white knuckled and swearing at everyone.
16. "All you can eat" really means all you can eat.
17. You'll have sea legs for at least 24 hours after getting off the boat.
18. Drug dealers in Nassau will try to sell to anyone by discreetly announcing "need some ganj... weed?" while they pass you on the street.
19. Cougars love wearing hot pink and singing along to classic rock covers.
20. No matter what the guy looks like, the chick he's with is always hot. We think it's cuz their European, or rich. Or both.

And... Coco loco, yummy yummy!