Birthday suits

Last night, I finished reading Naked by David Sedaris. It only took me about a month (High five! to myself.) The reason? It's effing hilarious.

That's not to say the main character, Dave, isn't flawed. This dude's got some of narcissistic, selfish problems my friend. But he's laugh-out-loud (yeah, I spelled it) funny, regardless. I think one of the reasons might be that he's still so relatable, and tells the reader like it is, no holds barred.

The characters he describes and stories he tells (working in a mental institution when he was 16, hitchhiking across the US, harvesting apples in Oregon) make you laugh and cringe at the same time, mostly because you probably shouldn't laugh, but still are.

You might be asking yourself, why is the book title "Naked?" I wondered the same thing until I got to the last, self-titled chapter.

After ordering a nudist colony brochure as a joke for his brother, Sedaris receives the pamphlet and actually considers booking a week-long reservation. He's apprehensive, mainly because he doesn't even walk around his house without shoes, let alone without clothes. Over the course of a week, he finally becomes comfortable walking around a (for lack of a better term) nudist trailer park. The first couple days wearing a t-shirt and shoes for some cover ... then finally exposing himself for all to see.

A nice way to end a book, where he finally developed to be comfortable in his own skin, I guess. But it got me thinking ... what if the entire world were a nudist colony?

First things first; no clothes! That means, no one would worry about buying updated clothing, and I wouldn't have to replace my ever-expansive wardrobe. (I'm a lady, what of it.) No need impressing others with the latest fashion crap. Wearing shoes and socks without clothes might look kind of ridiculous though.

It might get cold, so I figure I'd plant myself in some kind of Arizona- or California-based colony. Sand might be a problem.

Usually you have to worry about washing your hands after touching things; but what if you're putting your bare ass all over the place? Sedaris' colony recommended carrying a towel everywhere. For sanitary reasons, I would too.

But the other issue I'd have, would be seeing other people naked. A geriatric WWI veteran? Or, a 40-year-old mother of six? Yikes. Once you get used to it though, I suppose it'd be common place. It'd be like Faces of Death, where you couldn't look away -- but after awhile, all the train wrecks start to look the same.

Initially I'd be nervous because I'd be pretty self-conscious of baring all in front of them. Honestly though, I love not wearing clothes.

When I wake up in the morning, I generally prance around in my underoos for a good hour. I start by making breakfast, sometimes in the buff. It's one of the perks of living alone.

But that's really only in the privacy of my own home. I can handle seeing myself in the nude, but I'm not ready to see the rest of you.